


With All My Heart

by StarScheme



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Romance, Spinel - Freeform, Steven Universe - Freeform, Stevinel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 19:50:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 49,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarScheme/pseuds/StarScheme
Summary: In this AU Spinel has always been a part of the Crystal Gems.Her life on Earth is peaceful and so long as Steven is around, this emotionally fragile Gem is content. However, as Spinels feelings for Steven begin to change, Spinel starts to question how broken she truly is. The Gem slowly becomes undone as she struggles to maintain her friendship with Steven and questions her very purpose.
Relationships: Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 64
Kudos: 380





	1. It Started with a Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Before this chapter begins, I would like to remind everyone that this IS a romance between Spinel and Steven. Even if the romance does not occur until Steven is nearly 17yrs of age, I am aware that some people may have a problem with it. If that's the case, you'd best find a different story to read. Again, if you have a problem with Stevinel, this story is not for you.

"It's done!" Shouted a joyous Spinel as she held up a carefully wrapped sky blue box tied with pink ribbon and pinned with a star. She turned her gaze to Pearl whom was sitting at the counter of the kitchen, watching as she celebrated.

"Thanks for helping me to wrap it."

"Of course," replied Pearl with a smile. "I'm sure Steven will love it."

"I hope so," Spinel whispered happily as she hugged the gift box close to her chest. "I'll go and look for him. I want to give him his present as soon as possible." With a wave from Pearl, Spinel swiftly left the house and made her way down to the beach. It was already getting dark. Finishing up her gift had taken all day long.

As Spinel walked along the beach slowly, hugging the gift carefully to herself, she thought about the events that had brought her here today.

Like Pearl, Spinel belonged to Pink Diamond. However, she wasn't a servant as Pearl was. Spinel was created to be Pinks playmate, to entertain and accompany her when she was sad. Spinel of course, was happy to do this. A garden had been created for just the two of them and Pink would visit quite often at first, but once she was given a Colony, Pink, Pearl, and Spinel left for earth.

Spinel was excited at the thought of a new place to play, but Pink insisted on trying to be serious so that she could prove her worth as a Diamond. Thus, Spinel would keep her silly antics to a minimum when they were around others and Pearl was put in charge of helping Spinel to behave. Because of this, Spinel began to find herself depending on Pearl for many things. She became something like a big sister.

When Pink decided to rebel as Rose Quartz, Pearl and Spinel followed behind her. To Spinel, she was still doing what she was made for, helping her friend. Even when she and Pearl were sworn to secrecy, Spinel felt like everything would be okay so long as Pink was happy. That was her job after all, to make Pink happy.

She didn't like fighting Gems and she certainly grieved when the war ended with the diamonds final attack, but in the end, Pink was okay and that's all that mattered. Wasn't it?

As long as Pink was happy, Spinel felt she was doing her job. However, it was never enough. Pink never seemed truly happy, at least not until she decided to have a child. Pearl was beside herself, but Spinel didn't truly understand what it meant to have a baby. Not until Steven was born did she realize that her friend, her entire reason for being, was gone forever.

It changed her. Her gem turned upside down and her grief was permanently scarred on her face. Her personality even seemed to shift. She could no longer cover everything with a smile and a laugh. It was harder to smile and the color seemed to drain from her world. Everything was so dark.

That is...until she finally met Steven. She had refused to see him with the others on their first visit, but when she came around and went to meet him, something else changed.

When she held Steven for the very first time and saw his smile, a warmth rushed over her and the light flooded back into her world. This wasn't Rose, but it was her Gem. This meant that Spinel had a purpose again. It meant that Spinel had a reason to exist once more. That day, she promised Steven in tears that she would never allow anything to make him sad. She would be his friend forever and never leave his side. It was this day that Spinel was celebrating.

There was no way that Steven would remember this, but Spinel held that day very dear. It was the day that she regained something precious and ever since, Steven had become the most important person in her life. He was her favorite person on Earth and everything she did was for his sake. As long as he was smiling, Spinel was content.

With a happy sigh, Spinel thought of Stevens smile, hoping she would see it again once he saw what she had made for him. It wasn't until she heard familiar laughter that Spinel was shaken from thoughts. It was Steven for sure.

"Oh! ST—-" just as Spinel was about to call out to her friend, she caught sight of Steven, but he wasn't alone. Standing beside him and laughing along was his friend Connie. The sight of this stopped Spinel cold.

It's not as if she hated Connie, but something about the girl rubbed Spinel the wrong way. Ever since Steven met the girl, Spinel had been uncomfortable around her.

"Spinel?" Steven called out after spotting the Gem from the corner of his eye.

Spinel gasped and quickly hid behind a large rock. How long had she been standing there staring at them and why was she hiding now? She just wanted to give Steven his gift. Connie being there shouldn't stop her from doing that, right?

It's just...seeing Steven laughing with Connie, more and more recently it made Spinel feel...uneasy.

"Gotcha!" Shouted Steven, peeking from behind the rock and shocking Spinel from her inner thoughts, causing the Gem to drop the gift she had been holding so tenderly.

"You dropped something," Connie said apologetically as she leaned down to grab the gift box.

"Don't touch that!" Spinel shouted angrily.

Unfortunately for Spinel, her abrupt outburst had startled Connie as she was leaning down to retrieve the package. Connie flinched and attempted to back up, but her heel dig into the sand due to her shift in weight and Connie toppled over, her left knee landing firmly on top of the box, a noticeable crunch being echoed in everyone's ears.

All three were stunned to silence for a moment before Steven quickly rushed forward and helped Connie up, taking the damaged box in his other hand and glancing at Spinel with sympathetic eyes.

"I-I'm SO sorry, Spinel!" Connie exclaimed nervously. "I-I didn't mean to—-I was just trying to—-"

Spinel said nothing. Her vision had gotten a bit blurry as she stared in shock at the gift in Stevens hand.

Rationally, Spinel knew Connie was not a bad person. Steven would never hold someone dear like that if they didn't have a good heart. Still, an anger was bubbling up inside of the Gem and she couldn't be bothered to hear an apology.

Holding out her hand, Spinel kept her gaze down at the sand, hoping to hide her expression from them. She didn't want to give Steven something broken like this.

Steven and Connie exchanged concerned glances before he handed the box back to his friend.

"...Spinel, I was just seeing Connie off. Will you wait for a second and I'll be right back?" Asked Steven hopefully.

Again, Spinel said nothing. A lump had formed in her throat and it was all she could do not to have another outburst. So instead, she nodded slowly and turned her back to the two of them.

It was awkward to leave like this and Connie tried quietly to convince Steven that she should stay and talk with Spinel, but Steven shook his head and reassured Connie that it would be best to speak with Spinel tomorrow. It was late after all and Connie would miss her curfew. At least, that was part of it. Steven also knew that Spinel always had a rough time with Connie, so some time to cool off would be better.

With a defeated sigh, Connie finally agreed to head home, giving Steven a hug goodbye and offering one more apology to Spinel before warping away on Lions back.

Once she was gone, the silence only felt heavier. Steven turned to Spinel now and placed his hand on her shoulder from behind, knowing she didn't want to be seen.

"She really is sorry. It was an accident."

"I know it was," muttered Spinel.

"...I can help you fix it," offered Steven.

Spinel flinched and turned around now, masking her unsettled feelings with a smile.

"No need. I can handle it myself. We should head back home though. ...it's dark out already."

"Are you sure? I can just use my healin—"

"—I'm sure," interrupted Spinel as she took Stevens hand and turned for the beach house to lead Steven home.

Clearly, Steven wasn't buying Spinels happy act. She had done this all his life. Though he had tried to bring it up before and make Spinel talk about what was bothering her, she always smiled and said nothing was wrong. He hated it.

However, he didn't want to upset her any further tonight. He simply squeezed her hand gently and sped up to match her pace so they were walking beside one another rather than Spinel pulling him along.

They walked in silence until they reached the door and Spinel swiftly stored the broken box inside of her Gem. She didn't want Pearl to see it like that. She would have most likely scolded her for being careless with it.

Luckily though, no one was waiting in the living room when they got inside, giving Spinel a moment of relief. Pearl must have gone to fetch Amethyst at Little Homeworld.

"I'm gonna change for bed," Steven informed Spinel as he slowly released her hand. "Call you up when I'm done?"

With that, the Gem felt lighter already. A genuine smile laced her lips and she nodded happily. "Of course!"

Spinel had made it a habit to sleep in Stevens bed since he was small. Even while he was living with Greg in that van. He was so small before, of course she was worried that something would happen to him while he slept. When he came to live with them here, she began to watch him sleep. Alongside Pearl of course. Though she would later just curl up beside him in his bed all the same.

As Steven was getting ready for bed, a chime rang out and a beam of light warped Amethyst and Pearl back into the living room. They seemed to be having a conversation, but once Pearl spotted Spinel, they stopped and the graceful Gem leapt towards Spinel with an anticipating smile.

"Spinel! Did Steven li-mph!?"

Spinel had extended her arm and clamped a hand over Pearls mouth with a 'shush.'

Keeping quiet, Spinel shook her head, hoping Pearl would understand that the gift had not been given just yet.

Though she was startled at first, Pearl nodded her head and waited patiently as Spinel reeled back her arm to herself.

"Steven is getting ready for bed. I'm just waiting until he's changed his clothes."

Pearl frowned.

"Now Spinel, you know I don't approve of you sleeping in Stevens bed much anymore."

"It's not every night. ...anymore." Finished Spinel with a blush across her cheeks. Pearl had seen to it that Spinel spend some nights in her own bedroom. For some reason, as Steven got older, Pearl got stricter about Spinel spending time with him. It was not something Spinel was happy about, but it was awfully hard to say no to Pearl. They had been together for so long after all.

"...it couldn't hurt to do it every once in a while, right?"

Pearl looked as though she wanted to argue this further, but simply exhaled in defeat. "Fine, but I don't want you two up all night again reading or playing that card game. Remember, Steven needs his sleep."

"I'm aware. ...but in my defense, it was a brand new game so it took us a little longer to learn the rules."

Pearl growled in her throat and frowned. Which Spinel usually took to mean that arguing would only make Pearl angry.

"Spinel! I'm ready for bed!" Called out Steven from his bedroom up the stairs.

"Goodnight, guys," Spinel said quickly before turning on her heel and dashing up the stairs like a puppy that had just been called to its master. There was just nothing Spinel liked more than being with Steven.

When she got up the stairs, she looked around the room, but found that Steven wasn't there. Confused at first, Spinel took a few more steps into the room until she was met with a something soft and sweet against the tip of her nose.

"Gotcha," Steven laughed, floating slowly back to the floor. He had been hovering just above Spinel to surprise her, hoping to cheer her up a little with one of her favorite treats. He had tapped the large marshmallow to the tip of her nose to get her attention.

Spinels eyes lit up and she opened her mouth expectedly. With another light laugh, Steven placed the marshmallow gently into her mouth, feeling a sense of relief as he watched Spinel enjoy her snack so cheerfully.

"Only one though." Steven insisted, knowing full well that she was sure to ask for more.

Looking slightly disappointed, Spinel swallowed her treat and nodded her head, "fine. Thank you, Steven."

Though Spinel was still upset that she couldn't give Steven his gift right away, the day hadn't been a total failure. After all, any time she got to spend with Steven was enough for her.

Steven smiled at Spinel before yawning a bit. He then turned for his bed and get himself under the blanket. He had spent most of the day out with Connie and was actually pretty tired.

Spinel closed her eyes for a moment and changed her attire in a flash of light. Now wearing a pink shirt and pajama pants, she was ready for bed as well. The Gem jumped onto the bed, causing Steven to bounce a little, warning a laugh from the both of them.

Steven watched as Spinel got herself under the blankets. He had gotten so used to Spinel sleeping beside him that it felt off whenever Pearl would make her sleep elsewhere. The bed was too big without her it seemed.

Once Spinel got comfortable beneath the blankets, she noticed Steven staring down at her and her heart thumped against her chest to her surprise.

"Wh...what is it?" She asked bashfully, more confused over the pang in her chest than his gaze on her.

It wasn't until Spinel spoke up that Steven even realized he had been staring. With a nervous flinch, he smiled awkwardly and looked away, feeling his cheeks begin to burn.

"N-nothing. Sorry. I was just uh...thinking about something."

An embarrassing silence fell between them now and Spinel didn't like it. This was supposed to be like any other night. Had she done something wrong? Perhaps Steven was still upset that she had raised her voice at Connie earlier.

"You should get to sleep," tried Spinel, holding out her arms with a smile.

Steven blushed even further, looking down at her as she waited for him to lean down into her arms.

"You know, I'm a lot bigger now..." he replied before clearing his throat a little.

Spinels smile faded quickly. Clearly dejected, she brought her arms back to herself and tried to smile as is if to shrug it off.

"Oh, of course. I just thought you might..."

As her voice trailed off Steven took in a deep breath and cleared his throat once more, holding out his arms this time, his eyes fixed on the blanket to keep from meeting Spinels gaze. This was a little embarrassing now that he wasn't so small.

Spinel perked up almost at once, leaning forward quickly and snuggling against Stevens chest with a smile. Perhaps he wasn't angry with her after all.

Seeing Spinel cheered up once again, Steven smiled and sighed in defeat. Spinels moods always shifted so quickly and everything showed on her face. He just couldn't win against her when she seemed disappointed or sad. Laying himself down a little more, he hugged her thin frame, resting his head just above hers on the pillow and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight Spinel..." breathed Steven quietly.

"Goodnight...Steven," Spinel whispered in reply. Today hadn't gone as planned at all. Hopefully she could get Stevens gift fixed quickly and try again. After all, it was something very special to her and she wanted him to have it. However, thinking about fixing the present brought her mind back to seeing Connie and Steven together. The image brought another strange feeling in her chest. More painful this time. It's not like she hadn't felt this before. The past year or so, it's how she always felt when Connie was around Steven. It's why being around the girl was so uncomfortable for her. She didn't like the pain in her gut and she began to find...that she didn't much like Steven smiling at Connie the way he did. These feelings...Spinel hated it. She wasn't supposed to be like this. Steven cared about Connie and Steven was her friend. So that meant that Spinel should like Connie as well, right? Spinel didn't want to be a bad friend.

Hoping to make the painful feeling disappear, Spinel snuggled in closer to Steven and closed her eyes tight. He always made her feel better. He always made everything heavy feel light again. Everything would be okay...so long as Steven was here with her. She was sure of it.


	2. As Long as You're Here

Spinel stood in her Garden. The one she had once shared with Pink so often in the past. However, with Pink no longer around it was Steven in the Garden with her. He was just ahead of her, staring at the fountain as the water trickled down. This seemed normal, but Steven was dressed just like Pink as he had been on Homeworld.

"Steven?" Spinel called out cautiously, reaching for his shoulder to attract his attention.

Before Spinel was able to touch him, Steven turned his head and smiled at her. This would have been a welcome greeting, but Stevens eyes had changed. They too, were just like Pink Diamond. Spinel gasped and stumbled back, falling to ground with an 'Umph.'

"St-Steven?! Are you—"

"Steven? No, Spinel. It's me, Pink." Though it was clearly Stevens body, Pinks voice rNg out as he reached down to help spinel from the floor.

A lump formed in Spinels throat and without thinking, the Gem slapped Stevens hand away, staring up at him with horror filled eyes.

"N-NO! You're Steven!"

"I'm just using this body now, but I'm back Spinel. Steven is gone."

Perhaps Spinel should have been happy that Pink was back, but all she felt was this pit in her stomach. Steven was gone? Why?

"THAT'S NOT FAIR! You left! You gave up your form for Steven! This is HIS body! BRING HIM BACK!" Shouted Spinel as she rose from the ground and stared into Pinks eyes pleadingly.

A bright pink light covered Stevens body and his form shifted to become Pink Diamond completely, looking down at Spinel with a frown now.

"What, you would rather have Steven around? Why? Because you weren't enough for me? What makes you think you're enough for him?"

Spinel began to tremble under Pinks unforgiving gaze. This wasn't how she remembered her friend. Why was she saying all this? Looking away from Pink, she clenched her fists and gathered her courage.

"You...you're wrong. We were friends! You were my best friend!"

Pink scoffed, "then why did I need a colony? Why did I prefer my human companions? Why do you think I wanted to become a human, Spinel?!" As Pink went on, her voice became louder and more cruel. "Because you weren't good enough! You were supposed to make me happy! Why couldn't you make me happy?!"

Tears began to spill down Spinels cheeks. She closed her eyes tight to try and stop them, but they just kept overflowing.

"I tried! I wanted to make you happy!"

"But you couldn't."

Pinks voice was gone now. Spinel gasped and quickly opened her eyes to see that Steven had returned. It was his voice and body once again. His eyes had returned to their normal hue and his attire no longer matched pinks. Spinel smiled in relief and attempted to step towards him, but found that something was holding her feet to the floor. Looking down, the garden vines were growing around her ankles, holding her in place.

"It was a mistake to bring you to earth. You weren't enough to make my mother happy...and you're not enough for me either," said Steven in a cold, flat tone.

Cold chills ran down Spinels spine and even if the vines weren't creeping around her feet, she wouldn't dare move. She had never seen such an unfeeling and hateful look on Stevens face. He looked at her as if she were nothing to him. It made her feel...empty. Her eyes began to burn with tears once again, but Spinel tried to smile.

"Steven...? ...what do you—-"

"You're not enough to make me happy, Spinel. So I don't need you. And if I don't need you...what's the point of you? You should have just stayed here in the garden where you belong. I have Connie. You're not needed."

"Connie? ...but Steven, I can try harder! Please don't leave me alone! Don't leave me behind!" Spinel pleaded in tears, desperately struggling against the vines in an attempt to move now.

"Goodbye, Spinel," said Steven evenly as he turned and headed towards the warp pad. The further away Steven got, the more Spinel struggled. He didn't need her anymore?! Did Connie really make him happier?! Did that mean she had no reason to stay near him? Then what was she supposed to do? How could she make this better? She cried out in a panicked desperation. Watching him walk away felt as if her gem was cracking. It hurt so much Spinel was sure she would shatter any moment.

"Steven! Please don't go! STEVEN!"

"Spinel! Spinel wake up!" Urged Steven in concern as he shook Spinels shoulders gently. The Gem had been in tears calling his name as she slept for a little while now, waking Steven in alarm and of course worrying the young man.

Spinel awoke with a gasp, staring up in shock at Steven as he loomed over her, his eyes laced with worry. This was really Steven wasn't it? HER Steven? Spinel reached up and placed a trembling palm against his cheek. The moment she felt the warmth of his skin, her breath hitched and the tears flowed freely once again.

"...St-Steven..." Spinel choked out, that terrible dream still fresh in her mind. She'd never had such a terrifying nightmare.

Steven smiled, hoping it would help to calm her down a little. He placed his hand over her own as it rested against his cheek. He wasn't sure what she had dreamt about, but it must have been awful.

"It was just a dream. It's over now..." he whispered.

His voice was so comforting and soft. This had to be the real Steven. The one in her dream...Steven could never really sound like that, right?

The real Steven was warm just like this. Even as she stared up at him, he was using his free hand to gently wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"I'm sorry I woke you..." whispered Spinel, her tears finally subsiding slowly.

Steven sighed in relief, just glad to see that she had finally calmed down. It's not like he hadn't seen her break down before, but they had shared a bed for most of his life and he'd never seen her have a nightmare. What could have triggered something like that. What's more, why was she calling his name?

"You don't have to apologize for something like that. I'm just glad you're okay."

"I'm fine, now that you're here..." sighed Spinel, happy to be out of that terrible dream. The warmth against her hand, the soft expression on his face, this was all she needed.

A moment or two passed in silence, Spinel just content to see Stevens gentle eyes after the cold and uncaring expression she'd witnessed in her dreams. It was Steven that suddenly realized they had been staring at one another for some time now and he was still looming over her with one hand at her cheek and his other hand resting over her own as she cupped his cheek. He started to get a little nervous now. Pulling back with an embarrassed smile, Steven sat up beside her now, looking down at his lab to avoid eye contact.

Spinel felt colder the moment he pulled away. Gems didn't really feel cold much, but being near him certainly made her warm and comfortable. Sitting up as well, Spinel tilted her head a bit to try and see his face. Was he upset with her after all?

"...you're not going to go back to sleep?" Asked Spinel in concern.

Steven spared the gem a glance, but the moment he met her eyes, her quickly averted his gaze back to the blankets. He wasn't embarrassed about staring at her. What had him feeling uncomfortable was the fact that even though Spinel had just been through something that really upset and scared her, he couldn't help thinking that she looked sorta...cute lying there. He felt guilty for being so thoughtless.

"It's...almost time to get up anyway. Remember, we promised to help Lars at the shop today."

"Oh, right. That will be fun, Lars is so funny!" Spinel exclaimed happily.

"Heh, well maybe today, you can just stick by me instead of trying to get Lars' voice to get that high," tried Steven with a smile.

Spinel's mood shifted drastically now. The dream was far from her mind and now she was looking forward to spending the day with Steven. After all, nothing bad mattered when she was with him. Spinel slid from the bed and in a quick flash of light, changed her garments back to normal. "Let's get going!"

"Well, I still need to shower and change," Steven chuckled. "Want to wait for me downstairs?"

"I will," replied Spinel as she did long backflips down the stairs to sit and wait for Steven.

Pearl was already up and preparing something in the kitchen. She had recently been trying to cook more meals for Steven, especially in the morning. With everything she read about growing boys, it was important for him to eat healthy and she worried about the things he ate on the boardwalk. From the corner of her eye, she saw Spinel stretching down the stairs and sighed.

"How did you sleep?" asked Pearl, her tone clearly conveying that she already knew the answer.

Spinel stopped at the bottom of the stairs and her smile faded once again.  
"I…slept fine," Spinel tried to lie.

Pearl didn't like being lied to, but she decided to let it go for now. After all, Spinel seemed fine.  
"Is Steven awake?"

"Yep! He should be down soon to take a shower and stuff. We're gonna go and help Lars with his shop today!" informed Spinel with a little bounce.

"Lars? …you're not going to…"

"Steven said I shouldn't do that anymore," interjected Spinel. "So I'm just going to help. Promise."

Pearl was still concerned, but once again, she decided to say no more on the subject. The biggest problem in her mind was Spinels state of mind. Ever since Spinels Gem turned upside down, Pearl had been worried for her. They had never seen something like that happen to another Gem. Not only did her Gem change position, but Spinels personality and appearance had changed as well after it happened. Her emotions seemed much more unstable and she didn't smile as much as she used to. The Spinel that Pearl knew could smile through anything, but now, she broke down more often. Especially when it came to Steven. Like when Steven had turned himself in to Aquamarine. Spinel had completely shut down after he was taken away. It was all Pearl could do to calm her down. It appeared that unless Steven was around, Spinel had a hard time keeping things together. That couldn't have been a good thing. Garnet had even voiced her concern to Pearl from time to time, but Pearl insisted that she could handle Spinel. They had been together for more than six thousand years after all. It's true that Pearl looked to Garnet for guidance on certain matters, but she was very close to Spinel. They had shared Pinks secret together and served Pink long before the rebellion, so Pearl felt they could understand one another. She just didn't anticipate the change that Spinel went through after Rose was gone and honestly, Pearl blamed herself a little. When Rose vanished from their lives, Pearl was too lost in her own grief and had neglected Spinel a bit. So she worried that she change had to do with the fact that she wasn't there for Spinel when she needed her. Now, Pearl was trying to keep an eye on her and taking it upon herself to manage Spinel when Steven wasn't around and she got emotional or panicked. Like a little sister, she wanted to protect Spinel, but she also hoped that there was something she could do to return Spinel to normal.

"Pearl?" Spinel called out, waving her hand in front of the gems face. "the food is turning black."

Pearl gasped and quickly pulled the pan from the stove, accidentally tossing the burnt eggs into the air while Spinel watched them fly away. She had been so lost in thought that she didn't notice the burning smell. Luckily, Amethyst dove in and caught the burnt eggs in her mouth. Spinel held up a sign with the number 7 on it and Pearl groaned quietly.

"Thanks for the snack, Pearl." Amethyst said with a casual salute.

Steven finally strolled down the stairs and greeted the others with a smile. After Pearl insisted that she would have breakfast ready after he finished washing up, he headed into the bathroom, leaving the Gems to converse among themselves. He was relieved to see that this morning was no different from the others. Perhaps that dream of Spinels was just a random nightmare. Still, the fact that she was calling his name in tears still concerned him. For now, he would just have to wait and hope it meant nothing serious.


	3. A Sudden Snap

It didn't take long for Steven to wash up and finish breakfast, Spinel waiting eagerly the entire time.

Once he had washed the dishes he used, he headed for the door with Spinel skipping after him happily.

Pearl watched the two leave, staring at the door in concern long after they were gone.

"Pearl?" Began Amethyst as she came up beside the gem to look up at the expression on Pearls face. "You still worried?"

"...huh? Oh...no. I'm sure Spinel will be fine," replied Pearl absently.

"You should relax. As long as Steven is there, Spinel will be fine," Amethyst reassured with a shrug of her shoulders. "Unless someone threatens him. Then we will have to respond to like, 20 fires Spinel started in a rage. Ha ha!" Though she joked, Amethyst could see the anxiety growing on Pearls face.

With a sigh, Amethyst took Pearls hand and forced her to move away from the door. "If you're so worried, why don't we just go to the Big Donut in a little bit? Cause if you follow them right away, Spinel will get upset again."

Immediately, Pearl looked rather guilty, as if she'd been caught in a lie.

"W-what makes you think I was going to follow her," asked Pearl anxiously.

"Just wait here with me and we'll go check on her together. I wanna try Lars' new recipe anyway."

Pearl looked hesitant at first, but eventually gave up and smiled.

"Thanks..."

Meanwhile, nearing the boardwalk, Spinel and Steven were about to enter the Big Donut when Spinel noticed Connie approaching the building as well. The gem stopped walking and once Steven noticed what was happening, he got a little nervous. He didn't even know Connie would be here this morning.

"C-Connie! What brings you here so early?" Steven greeted awkwardly. He was happy to see her, but after yesterday and that awful dream Spinel had, he was worried about how she might react.

"Good morning, Steven! I remembered you said that Lars needed help for some orders today. So I thought I would offer a hand." Explained Connie before she looked over Stevens shoulder at a clearly uncomfortable Spinel.

Leaning forward, Connie whispered in Stevens ear, "could you go in first so I can apologize?"

Steven wasn't so sure that was the best idea. Especially when he glanced back and saw Spinel glaring daggers at Connie. No doubt a reaction to her leaning closer to him. He knew Spinel was overly protective, but today seemed a bit worse.

"Ummm...okay..." he answered, giving the situation a chance and hoping that Spinel would give Connie a fair shot to apologize.

"I'll just, head inside and let Lars know that we're all here. You two should wait outside until I get back." He said with a nervous smile before leaving the two alone outside, not giving Spinel a chance to refuse.

Spinels mood was completely ruined now. Not only did she have to watch as Connie whispered in Stevens ear, but now she had been left alone with her. Normally, Connie wouldn't bug her this much, but after her present had been smashed and the nightmare she had that involved Steven leaving her behind because he preferred Connie...she was in no mood to speak to the girl.

"Spinel..." began Connie with an empathetic smile, "...I'm really sorry about yesterday. I feel terrible about it. If there's anything I can do to help fix it or pay for it...I will."

Spinel was quiet for a moment or two. She hated this feeling. Connie really didn't do anything wrong. She didn't smash her gift on purpose, Spinel knew that. The nightmare wasn't her fault either. So why did it feel better to blame her?

"...it wasn't your fault." Spinel replied finally, but unable to smile. "I forgive you."

Though she would have felt better if Spinel smiled, Connie was just happy this was resolved a little. Honestly, this was the best she could hope for. Spinel seemed to almost hate her when she first became friends with Steven. It had gotten a little better over time, but Connie knew things between her and Spinel had to go slow. She just wasn't entirely sure why the gem disliked her so much. The only reason she didn't take it too personally was because Pearl and Steven both had spoken to her about it.

"...thanks. So um, are you excited to—"

"Oh my, Spinel and Connie are going to have an uncomfortable encounter!" Announced Padparadsha as she opened the door to invite the girls in.

"Paddy!" Spinel exclaimed happily, kneeling down and wrapping her arms around the short gem like a snake. "Good morning!"

Connie was a little relieved to be interrupted and greeted Padparadsha as she stepped inside to find Steven.

Once they had all gotten their instructions, aprons, and gloves, Steven and the girls joined the off color gems in the back to help Lars with a large order he had received the other day. Lars was a little wary about letting Spinel help, only because she often liked to tease him, but Steven assured him that everything would be fine.

Spinel was happily preparing the dough she had been assigned, her mood elevated now that she was beside Steven once again. He kept his word and stuck close to Spinel. Not just to cheer her up, but to ease Lars' anxiety. All he wanted was for everyone to get along and so far, everything was going peacefully.

"Spinel, are you finished with that?" Asked the left Rutile twin, holding out a tray for Spinel to place the dough.

"Yep! I'll get started on the next one," replied Spinel, placing the finished dough in the tray.

"Good job, Spinel," Steven offered with a smile. "We've almost finished our portion."

Always happy to be praised by Steven, Spinel blushed lightly and her smile brightened. "If we finish early, do you want—"

Before Spinel could finish, they were both startled with a clatter and a small 'AGH' from the other end of the kitchen. They looked over to see that Connie had burned herself on the oven ldoor while taking out a tray and dropped it to the floor. Spinel may not have liked Connie much, but she was still concerned. Though she stepped forward to help, Steven was quicker and had already dashed to the girls side, taking Connies arm to examine the burn.

Connie was hurt. This was normal. Steven cared a lot about Connie. Of course he would help her. He would help anyone.

Spinel tried to remind herself of all this as she stood back from the group surrounding Connie, watching Steven worry over her. She had almost internally calmed herself down until Steven leaned in and pressed his lips to Connies forearm to heal the burn.

Every rational thought was wiped from her mind and the air around Spinel became heavy and dark. She didn't even have time to question why this upset her so much before her body reacted on its own.

Her burn had just been healed when Connie felt something push against her side. All of a sudden, she had been shoved away from Steven hard, hitting her back against the wall with a noticeable thud.

"Connie!" Steven exclaimed in a mix of shock and concern as he ran over to her. Once he examined her and Connie reassured him that everything was okay, he and the other gems turned to stare in confusion at the one that had pushed Connie against the wall.

Spinel was standing at the other end of the kitchen, her arms still stretched out to where Connie had been standing. The Gem was panting, shoulders trembling as she stared wide eyed at the floor in horror.

Even with all the eyes on her, the only person she noticed when she looked up was Steven. His expression a mixture of disappointment and confusion.

It felt like everything stopped in that moment. Her arms slowly returned to their regular length, her hands trembling as she met Stevens gaze with terror in her eyes.

She had hurt Connie. She didn't want to hurt Connie. No matter how she felt about her, she never wanted to fight her.

Spinel hugged her shoulders in an attempt to collect herself, but the trembling wouldn't stop.

"I-I'm sorry!" Spinel cried out before turning to rush from the building in tears.

"Spinel! Wait!"

Spinel could hear Steven calling out to her, but she couldn't bring herself to stop. Steven cared a lot about Connie. How could he possibly forgive Spinel for hurting her?! What if he ended up hating her?! How could she have been such a terrible friend?! What was wrong with her?! All these thoughts rushed through the gem as she raced for the temple, only to be stopped when someone grabbed her arm to pull her back.

"Spinel!" Shouted Pearl, holding tight to her friend. She and Amethyst had seen Spinel running towards the house, but Spinel didn't seem to notice them and almost ran past the gems. If Pearl hadn't grabbed her, she wouldn't have seen the terrified look on her face.

Once she had been stopped, the tears began to flow freely and Spinel lost all feeling in her legs, crumbling to her knees on the sand.

"Pearl! ...I did something bad!"

Slightly taken aback, Pearl took a moment to think before she knelt down as well.

"What happened?"

Amethyst stood back a little while Spinel explained everything that had occurred.

"...I-I'm a bad friend!" Spinel finished. "I'm not supposed to hurt the people that are important to him. Stevens going to hate me! What do I do?!"

"I think you need to spend some time away from Steven." Garnet chimed in as she approached the team.

"W-what?" Asked Spinel in shock.

"You overreacted to something because of Steven, but this time, you hurt a human. I think it's best that you and Steven spend some time apart." Garnet explained a bit further.

She knew that hurting a human was bad, but staying away from Steven seemed like a nightmare.

"...you-you can't be serious. Pearl?" Spinel turned to Pearl for some support, but Pearl looked conflicted.

"It's...not the worst idea..." began Pearl.

"N-no! Please don't do that," Spinel begged as she got to her feet. "Please Garnet! I'll do anything else! Please!"

Garnet was famously silent in response and Spinel felt as if the ground had vanished beneath her. Stay away from Steven? For how long? Would she even be able to do that?

"You should go to your room Spinel. We will explain everything to Steven," ordered Pearl quietly, still trying to be gentle with her.

Spinel wasn't sure what to do right now. She'd done a bad thing. There was no doubt about that, but she felt like she was given a death sentence for a small crime. Unable to really process what was happening, Amethyst took the gems hand and slowly led her back into the house.

Once Spinel was out of earshot, Pearl turned to Garnet.

"What was that about?" She asked firmly. Pearl didn't want to question Garnet in front of Spinel, but she was confused over this strange punishment.

"I don't think it's a good idea for Spinel to be away from Steven. You know how fragi—"

"This needs to happen." Garnet stated evenly, holding up her hand to stop Pearl.

"Trust me."

Pearl wanted more of an explanation, but before she could insist on it, Steven had come running up to the two of them.

"Have you guys seen Spinel run by?" He asked frantically.

"Calm down, Steven," Garnet replied, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Spinel is okay, but she has been grounded. She is not allowed to leave her room."

"You don't have to do that! Connie said she's okay and I know they can work it out if Spinel apologizes!" Insisted Steven in concern. Besides, he wanted to talk with Spinel. He wanted to know why she did what she did. Surely there was a reason.

"We know what we're doing Steven..." Pearl added. Even if she didn't completely understand Garnets decision, she would support it. After all, she did trust Garnet. Though it didn't mean she wasn't still worried.

"Well, let me at least ask her—"

"Spinel is not allowed to see anyone," Garnet stated before Steven could finish.

Steven stared up at Garnet, unsure how to feel. It felt like everything was spiraling and he couldn't stop it. He hated that Spinel couldn't seem to get along with Connie, but he never thought she would hurt her. He had to know why. What's worse, was that once Spinel was inside her room, he knew he couldn't follow after her to talk. He'd have to wait until she came out to speak with her again.

"How long?" Asked Steven with a resigned sigh.

"Not too long," answered Garnet simply.

Frustrated, Steven nodded his head and turned towards the beach house. Connie had already gone home after he healed her once more and they had all but finished Lars' prep for him, so Steven wasn't sure what to do now. It was miserable not knowing why Spinel pushed Connie. What felt stranger though, was walking into the house and not being greeted by Spinel at the door. This was the first time she had ever been confined to her room. Before this, Spinel was always around, even if he went somewhere without her, she'd be waiting at the door for when he returned. It was odd to know that he wouldn't see her for a while.

One of the temple rooms opened up and Steven looked over to see Amethyst walking out of Spinels room.

"Ah, hey Steven..." amethyst greeted with a sad smile. "Is Connie okay?"

"Yeah, Spinel didn't push her too hard. We were just surprised," replied Steven with a heavy voice. He felt a little drained now. "...is Spinel...crying?"

"She's..." Amethyst tried to come up with something to say that wouldn't worry Steven too much.

"...she feels bad about what happened."

Steven looked past Amethyst to the temples entrance. Spinel was just past that door, but there was no way to speak with her and she was probably beating herself up all alone.

It didn't take very long for this day to take a complete nose dive. All he wanted to do was cheer Spinel up after that nightmare, but now Connie was confused and upset, Spinel was sad and alone, and he had no explanation as to why everything was unraveling between two people that meant a lot to him. How did it all take such a turn without any warning?


	4. It's Lonely

Two days had passed since Spinel was confined to her room. There was a notable silence in the house now. After day one, Steven was already trying to convince Garnet that she was being too harsh, but the fusion simply informed Steven that this was for the best.

On day two, Steven tried to speak with Pearl about letting Spinel out of her room, but he was once again dismissed, being told over and over that this was a necessary punishment for Spinel. However, Steven was sure that if he could just get Spinel to talk with Connie and explain things, everything would turn out okay. Sure, he didn't like what Spinel had done, but he didn't think she needed to be sequestered like this. Besides, he had already spoken to Connie about it all and apologized on Spinels behalf. Connie seemed willing to speak with Spinel and wanted an explanation just as much as Steven did.

Sitting up in his room, Steven laid back onto his bed and stared up at the ceiling. Just how long did Garnet plan to keep Spinel in the temple. Was this really just about what she did to Connie? Once again, he had questions that no one was willing to answer. Surely they knew how frustrating that was to him by now. This was the first time he had been separated from Spinel in their own home. It's not like they spent every waking moment together, but to be in the same home and unable to see her felt...off.

Usually by this time, Steven would be would be reading a book in the new observatory and Spinel would be asking him to read aloud for her. It seemed as though even if they weren't playing games, she was always around.

Thinking back, even when he was quite young and staying with his dad, Spinel was there. Though he never really saw her as a mother. Like Amethyst, she was more like a an older sister. ...or...was she? Now that he actually thought about it, did he think of Spinel as family? She was his friend for sure, but perhaps he never saw her as a sibling or anything. She was just...Spinel.

Even when Connie's parents insisted on meeting his mom and dad, he never considered bringing Spinel along to act as his mother. Rather, he counted on her to help him choose one of the gems.

With a heavy sigh, Steven turned over on his side, trying to take his mind off all this for a moment, but he was confronted with the bag of jumbo marshmallows he kept by his bed for Spinel.

A frustrated groan left his throat as he sat up and grabbed the bag of sweets. He left his room and stormed down the stairs.

Pearl and Amethyst were playing a game of cards quietly when he placed the bag of marshmallows on the table, staring intently down at the both of them.

"Uuuuh...what's up, dude?" Amethyst asked cautiously, knowing full well why he was upset, but not wanting to bring it up. She also wanted to eat that entire bag of marshmallows, but was sure both Pearl and Steven would get mad at her for it.

"I want to speak with Spinel. It's been two whole days. I know what she did was bad, but can't I at least talk to her and ask WHY she did it?" Urged Steven.

Amethyst looked uncomfortable now, glancing over at Pearl.

"Steven...you know as well as we do...that Garnet knows what she's doing. We just...have to trust her..." answered Pearl sadly. She didn't like this any more than Steven did. Leaving Spinel alone was hard on her. It wasn't in a Spinels nature to be alone. They were made to be friends and companions.

"What could this possibly achieve?!" Demanded Steven irately.

"I'm sure it won't be much longer..."

"You don't know that and every time I ask about Spinel, Garnet doesn't tell me anything."

Pearl stood from the couch and took the bag of marshmallows in her hands.

"...I'll go and check on Spinel tonight. ...and I'll bring these to her for you."

"Wait, if you're going to give them to her anyway, why can't I just do it?"

"...Garnet was clear that you and Spinel need some time apart." Pearl stated once again. "We've been over this."

Without another word, Pearl walked away, taking the bag of sweets with her as she stepped onto the crystal surface of the warp pad, leaving the house inside a beam of light.

Once Pearl was gone, Amethyst cleared her throat, sitting herself back against the couch in an attempt to look casual.

"You know...Rose and Spinel often hung out in their rooms. I'm pretty sure they had a shared space in there. Spinel mentioned a garden a bunch of times..." announced Amethyst without making eye contact, nodding her head towards the temples entrance.

It took a moment or two to process what Amethyst was saying, but finally, Steven smiled and rushed over past the warp pad and to the temples door.

"Thanks Amethyst!" He exclaimed as his mother's door opened and he ran inside.

Inside of his mothers old room, Steven looked around amongst the pink clouds that surrounded him. Amethyst mentioned a shared space. Did that mean there was a way to that area from this room?

"Room? I'd like to see Spinel," he tried first.

In a quick puff of pink, Spinel appeared before him with a bright smile.

"Steven!" The gem cried happily before leaping forward and throwing her arms around his shoulders. With a start, Steven caught her, knowing at once that the room had not understood his request. He clearly didn't ask it the right way.

Still, he hadn't seen Spinel in a couple of days. It was nice to hug her like this again. He should have let her poof away and try again, but instead, he wrapped his arms around her in return.

He was slightly embarrassed to be indulging in an illusion, but at least no one was around to see him.

"I miss you, Steven," the fake Spinel said quietly.

"..." Steven knew it was pointless to speak to her. She was only going to say what he wanted her to. Wait, did that mean that he wanted her to miss him?

Pulling back from the embrace, Steven refused to look at the fabricated Spinel as he placed his hand against her gem, poofing her away in a puff of pink cloud.

"Room, I want to...go to the garden. Is there a way there from here?" He tried again, feeling a little down after having to dismiss the fake Spinel.

At first he thought his request would go unheeded, but a large puff of pink formed beside him, manifesting a large stone door with roses carved along the edges. Hopefully, this was a real way in and not just the room creating something to placate him.

Pushing open the stone double doors, he stepped into an entirely different room. Like Amethyst mentioned, it was a large garden. Flowers bloomed everywhere, strange, yet lovely trees shading the stone walkways that simply led into a loop around the greenery. In the center of this oasis was a large fountain that gently streamed crystal clear water into the peaceful pool at the bottom.

Why hadn't he seen this before? It was so pretty and tranquil here. He walked along the stone path slowly, scanning the garden quietly as he looked for Spinel. This was a shared space for his mother and Spinel, so unless she decided to come in here as well, he wouldn't be able to see her.

With a miserable sigh, Steven sat himself at the stone edge of the fountain, staring down at his reflection in the water.

Why was it so important for him and Spinel to stay apart right now? It's not that he didn't trust Garnet, he just didn't like this. It was annoyingly reminiscent of when Connie wasn't speaking to him. It was lonely.

Pulling a pen from his jacket pocket, he etched a small message onto the stone where he sat. He wasn't sure how long it would be before Spinel saw it, but if he couldn't see her, he at least wanted to leave something behind for her.

Finishing his message, Steven placed the pen down next to his writing and turned for the door. He walked slowly, half hoping that Spinel would show up at the last minute, but it appeared he wouldn't be so lucky. With one last look back at the garden, Steven opened the doors once more and went back into his mothers room, the doors vanishing once he had left them.

He was back inside his mothers room once again, though he was silent, a cloud formed slowly beside him, taking the form of the Spinel that he knew, a smile on her face.

"...I didn't ask for anything," groaned Steven, slumping down onto the floor to sit down. He crossed his legs and stared down at the ground, slightly annoyed with everything that was going on. With the fake Spinel there, it felt like the room was taunting him.

He didn't move, nor bother to look at the illusion of Spinel, but was suddenly forced to engage when the duplicate gem reached over and placed her palm against his cheek. The real Spinel did this often when Steven was distraught. It was a way to get his attention while also reminding him that she was there with him.

"...I know you're not her." He muttered, keeping his gaze stubbornly towards the floor, but still reaching up and pressing his hand over hers.

"...but...I do miss you..."

"I miss you too..." the illusion replied softly. Sitting herself directly in front of Steven, even if he wouldn't look up at her.

"...I don't understand why you pushed Connie. I know you two have never really gotten along...but you've never done anything like this before. Garnet and Pearl are acting weird about your punishment and they won't tell me how long you'll be kept away. It's making me worried that something more is going on and no one is telling me. Is something worse happening to you? Why am I the only one not allowed to see you? I'm sure that I could help if we could just talk..."

Though Steven poured his heart out to this substitute Spinel, it didn't make him feel any better. It's not like he would get any answers.

"Steven..." the duplicate began, stroking his cheek tenderly. "...I never wanted to do anything that would upset you. Will you forgive me?"

"Forgive you?" Repeated Steven in confusion, finally looking up at her now. Why would the fake Spinel ask for forgiveness? Maybe it was just because he thought that's what the real one would do. "...I'll do that when I actually see you..." sighed Steven sadly.

With a bright smile, Spinel leaned in and kissed Stevens cheek. Another gesture he had gotten used to over the years. He really shouldn't have been indulging in this fictional version of his friend, but he missed her enough that this felt calming. At least until Spinel leaned in once again and pressed her lips against his own. His eyes went wide, quite unfamiliar with the feeling of her lips brushing against his. Though it was only an illusion, her kiss was warm and tender, forcing his heart to skip a beat.

Despite knowing this wasn't real, he was ashamed to admit that it took him a moment to pull away. Once he placed his hands at Spinels shoulders and gently pushed her back, staring at the doppelgänger in shock. She just kissed him. That was not something the real Spinel had ever done. What did that mean? Was this something that he wanted? Since when?

His heart was pounding rapidly beneath his chest as these thoughts tumbled around his brain in a panic. He didn't think of Spinel like that, did he?

Fumbling to his feet, Steven nervously scanned the room as if worried someone was watching him. A pang of guilt formed in his gut and he looked down at Spinel, who seemed bewildered over his reaction.

"Uh—-um—-I'm sorry!" Steven squeaked as his face turned beet red. He knew it was a little ridiculous to apologize to an illusion, but he was so frazzled now that there was very little rational thought in his head. Before anything else could happen, Steven made a dash for the door and left the room. He didn't want to think about what might manifest if he stayed. In fact, just worrying about that might bring up some embarrassing illusions.

"Oh, did you find the garden?" Amethyst asked once she saw Steven re-enter the main house.

"What? Yeah! Uh—-I'm gonna take a walk!" Steven practically shouted, so nervous that he couldn't remember how he normally acted. He turned to walk away and just as Amethyst tried to call out and warn him, Steven tripped over the warp pad and fell flat on his face.


	5. Good Intentions Gone Wrong

In the last couple of days, Spinel had been trying to keep herself busy. Her space in the temple was pink of course. The room used to be like a playground, but after Rose vanished to give birth to Steven and Spinel changed, she smashed most everything and Pearl had long since cleared the mangled things from her room. Now, her space was mostly empty save for a large wooden chest. Spinel never felt the need to add much to her room. After all, she preferred to spend her time in the main house with Steven now.

The empty room didn't really matter to her until now. For the past two days, she was left alone there, having nothing but time to think about what happened. Spinel was simply sitting on the floor, her back against the wooden chest as she stared up at the ceiling. How long was this going to go on? Surely Garnet wouldn't punish her for too long, right?

Still, even if it had only been a couple of days, it felt like torture. All she could think about was how much she missed Steven. She was stuck in here while he was out there and able to have fun without her. With Connie.

Spinel shook her head, trying to get the image of the two out of her head. Nothing could make this punishment worse than thinking of Connie taking her place. It made her think of that terrible dream. The longer she was in here, maybe the more Steven would realize he didn't need her.

"He wouldn't do that..." spinel whispered into the empty room, trying to convince herself that her fears wouldn't come to pass.

As Spinel sat in thought, a door appeared at the far end of her room and Pearl stepped in. With a smile, Spinel leapt to her feet to greet her friend.

"Pearl," she exclaimed, rushing over to her. "I didn't think I was allowed to see anyone."

Pearl had stopped by just as she told Steven she would, but it wasn't just for his sake. Besides, Pearl was the only one that could enter Spinels room without permission since their spaces were connected. Something Pearl had made sure of when the temple was created. Mostly to keep an eye on Spinel and to make sure she had a way to come and get Rose if they had lost track of time playing around. Pink said it was Pearls job to keep Spinel responsible after all.

"I wanted to talk...and see how you're doing," Pearl greeted, glancing around at the empty space.

"You still haven't done anything in here? ...what happened to all the furniture I brought you?"

Spinel thought for a moment, "oh, you mean the tea table and stuff? I put them in the closet."

"That's not a closet," Pearl groaned, walking to the wall and pressing her hand to it. A door appeared and slid open, revealing a room packed with loose furniture, armor and weapons.

"...why do you keep everything from the war as if it were junk?" Sighed Pearl as she began to pull some rather elegant looking wooden chairs from the pile.

"...I don't like remembering the war." Spinel answered, sitting down on the wooden chest now, her smile gone.

Pearl had already taken out a table and two chairs, solid wood and carved meticulously with roses and vines around the legs. No doubt something Pearl had picked out for Spinel.

"Well...be that as it may, those weapons and your old things are a part of history and should be kept in better shape. Certainly not treated like a mere closet," lectured Pearl as she sat down in one of the chairs and gesturing for Spinel to take the other.

"...then why don't **you** just keep them...?" Muttered Spinel irately before she sat down across from her guest.

Pearl didn't reply, but instead her gem began to glow and out came the bag of marshmallows that Steven was hoping to give Spinel.

The pinks Gems eyes brightened and she leaned up in her seat. "Ah! Did Steven tell you to—"

Pearl looked a bit nervous now, but she smiled and shook her head.

"N-no, no," she insisted, cutting Spinel off before she got any further.

"I just thought you would like a snack. As a...reward for taking your punishment so well," Pearl lied.

Sinking back into her seat, Spinel held out her hand for a treat. She had hoped that Steven was thinking about her. It would have made her feel better.

"...so...what is Steven up to?"

"Spinel..." Pearl began, almost as if to warn her about the topic. "...you and Steven are not supposed to see one another. I think it's better we don't talk about him either."

"That's not fair!" Snapped Spinel. "I've been in here all alone! I haven't tried to escape or anything!"

"Calm down," said Pearl sternly. "This is exactly why we're doing this."

"...what do you mean?"

Pearl took a breath and placed the bag of sweets on the table.

"Spinel...when Rose...gave up her form for Steven...you changed. Not just your appearance...but your personality. It alarmed all of us. I'd never heard of anything like that happening to a Spinel. Or any Gem for that matter."

"...yeah. So...?" This was not a topic that Spinel liked. She was rather self conscious about her transformation. The only reason she didn't worry about it where Steven was concerned, was because he hadn't known her any other way. Still, she knew that Pearl saw her as...broken somehow. "We waited all that time to see if something was wrong with my gem...and it wasn't cracked or noth'n."

"I know, but Spinel...after talking with Garnet yesterday...I think we have more reason to be concerned. ...I blame myself mostly...for not noticing all this sooner."

"Noticing what? I haven't hurt humans before. Well...unless you count that time on Halloween when Steven was little, but how was I supposed to know that humans dressed as monsters for candy at the time?"

"...I mean, I didn't notice how attached you had become to Steven. I was so lost in my own grief and regret, that I didn't see how losing Rose affected you. I'm sorry."

Spinel was getting confused. Why was it a bad thing to be attached to Steven. Weren't they all attached to him? Didn't that just mean that they loved him? "I don't get it. Is there a problem with me being around Steven?"

"When he was little...it was fine, but I think something has changed. Garnet noticed it of course...but I guess I just wasn't paying close enough attention. You've become overly possessive and with how emotional you can be...it may lead to more problems like this. ...mostly with Connie."

The mention of Connie soured Spinels mood once again.

"I'm gonna apologize when I see her..."

"But what about next time?" Insisted Pearl, reaching over to place her hand over Spinels.

"You have never liked it when she is around Steven and it's gotten so much worse. This time, you just pushed her, but what happens if next time you do something you cant take back? We are so much stronger than humans, you could end up really hurting her."

"I won't. I promise. She's important to Steven and I'm Stevens friend. It's my job to keep him happy and be happy for him. I-I don't know what happened before, but I'll do better next time. I'll **be** better."

"...that's the problem Spinel. You keep saying it's your job. After everything that's changed here...I think you're the only one that's stuck. ...you still think your only purpose is to be Stevens friend and I think...that's what's going to make trouble later on. I mean, what are you going to do when if you see Steven hold Connie or kiss h—mph!"

Spinel had covered pearls mouth with her hand, staring down at the table to hide her face. "Y-you don't have to say that stuff..."

Pearl steeled herself and pulled Spinels hand away. "Yes I do. You need to understand that even though you're his friend, you might not be the most important person to him. You have to learn to accept that Connie might be that person. After all, Steven is most likely going to be with a human and no matter how you feel about it, it's better if he lives a normal life with a human."

"You don't know how I feel!" Spinel shouted now, slamming her fist against the table.

"Yes I do! I know exactly how you feel because I've felt it too!" Pearl shouted back, rising from her seat.

Spinel stopped and stared up at Pearl, surprised by her outburst. What was she trying to say?

"You may not even really see it yourself yet, but I know you feel exactly what I felt back then! It's better for you to let this go now, before you get hurt! I don't want you to break even further! Please Spinel, we've been together for more than six thousand years. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too. If you keep acting like this...if you don't realize it...or even if you do and try to pursue it...you'll only get hurt. Steven is going to choose Connie in the end. She's human. Isn't that the natural way of things here on earth? We have to accept that. ...I don't want you to go through something painful again! Who knows what it will do to you this time! What if...what if it really breaks you...to where I won't be able to help you anymore?"

As Pearl ranted, tears began to pool at the edge of her eyes.

"...this is my fault! I should have noticed how things were going and stopped it sooner. So now...please Spinel...I can help you fix things. Everything can go back to the way it was and I'm sure you'll get along with Connie after that. ...I'll be there for you every step of the way."

Spinel stared in stunned silence, taking in every word Pearl was saying. The more she listened, the more she thought on what Pearl was trying to convey, the dots began to connect and Spinel felt the walls close in around her. Was Pearl trying to say that Spinels feelings for Steven had changed beyond friendship? Is that why they think she attacked Connie? That couldn't be possible.

"N...no," Spinel started quietly, standing from her seat as well, staring at the floor as she desperately tried to find an argument for what Pearl was saying.

"Y-you're wrong! I can't...be in love with Steven," Spinel demanded, meeting Pearls gaze now. "I'm his friend! I'm supposed to be his friend! ...loving him...like that...that's not what I was made for. If he finds out that I—-if I really—-it would would ruin everything!" Spinel cried, tears flowing down her cheeks as she shook her head, unsure how to process all this.

Pearl could tell that Spinel didn't really understand and she was still talking about her purpose as if that was all that was important. However, Pearls goal was to get Spinel to let go of her feelings for Steven. It was probably the wrong way to go about this, but she was so desperate to keep Spinel from anything else that might change her again, she would do anything to make sure it didn't get that far.

"It's okay," Pearl started, wiping her own eyes before she stepped towards Spinel and grabbed her shoulders to get her attention.

"We are going to get through this. This...maybe this is just because of the change you went through when your Gem turned around. You can easily go back to being just friends with Steven. ...but this is why I think some time apart is the best option right now. I'll visit you everyday and we can talk this out. We'll sort out your feelings so that we can make everything go back to normal. You'll go back to being Stevens best friend...and You'll finally get along with Connie. That will make Steven happy...and everything will be okay again."

Being away from Steven even longer? Spinel hated the thought, but if it meant that she could fix this, maybe it was a good idea. She trusted Pearl.

Besides, if she really was feeling something more than friendship for Steven, there must have been something wrong with her. She was made to be a friend, nothing more. All she wanted was to see Steven again. To be his friend again. She had to fix herself.

"...okay Pearl. ...I'll do whatever you think is best..." agreed Spinel with a forced smile. There was a terrible pain in her chest, but once this was over, all that aching would go away, right?


	6. You're Not Wrong

Dawn broke all too early for Steven. He hadn't slept much that night. After pacing his bedroom floor for hours, he couldn't seem to calm down. After being kissed by the fabricated Spinel, he felt so guilty that he felt the urge to apologize to the real Spinel AND Connie. Not that he and Connie were officially dating or anything, but it's just that neither of them had ever really talked about it. It just seemed so natural that they would be together, but now…

"AUUUUUGH!" Steven groaned aloud, rolling around in his bed as he ruffled his hair, trying to think straight. Thinking about this all night had gotten him nowhere, but he didn't want to talk to Spinel or Connie until he had gotten his feelings sorted out.  
The one thing he did mull over a lot that night, was whether he really wanted Spinel to kiss him or not. Because it happened in the room, it meant he did, right? The more he thought about it, the more he couldn't deny it.  
Remembering the kiss itself, even if it was with an illusion, it felt so real. Every time he recalled that moment, he found himself grinning like a fool, though it was immediately followed with a pang of guilt since it wasn't really Spinel that did it. Not just that, but Spinel was his friend, someone he had known all his life, if she knew he was thinking about her like this, wouldn't she find it weird? If anything, he was sure that Spinel could only see him like a little brother or something. He felt like a jerk, recalling how cute she looked when she smiled up at him with glistening eyes after her nightmare, remembering the feeling of her lips against his own.

Finally, Steven kicked the blankets from his body and swung his feet over the edge of his bed. When did this all start? How long had he felt this way and just passed it off? Did it even matter how he felt? After all, since he was sure that Spinel would find his feelings troublesome, he didn't plan on saying anything.  
It was then that Steven remembered the message he had left on the fountain for Spinel. It seemed harmless at the time, but now he was rethinking every interaction with Spinel and ended up reading far too much into his kind gestures. Leaping from the bed, Steven rushed down the stairs and headed for the Temples door, determined to scribble out the message with something a bit more casual.

"Steven?" Pearl called out from the kitchen as she witnessed him making a dash for the temple. "Are you okay?"

Stopped cold, Steven turned and greeted Pearl with a forced smile.  
"Oh—um—morning, Pearl. I was just…uh…gonna spend some time in moms old room…" he explained awkwardly. Since Amethyst told him about the Garden when Pearl was gone that day, he assumed he wasn't supposed to know about it.

"Why?" Pearl asked, genuinely confused. Steven didn't use that room much after all.

"Uh…to…think about something?" answered Steven, hoping that she would just accept that and be done with it.

"Oh. Well…I guess I can wait to make breakfast until you're—"

"Thanks Pearl!" shouted Steven before she could finish, already opening the door and leaping into the room, the door closing behind him and leaving Pearl a bit bewildered.

Once inside, Steven immediately called out, "I need to go back to the garden!"

As if sensing his urgency, the room wasted no time in creating the door he needed. Steven easily pushed open the stone doors and entered the Garden for the second time. He would have made a beeline for the fountain, but when he thought he heard footsteps, the hybrid boy panicked internally and without thinking, jumped behind a nearby shrub. He felt like an idiot. Why did he have to hide? Peeking over the shrub a bit, he could clearly see Spinel walking into the Garden, looking rather down. Not that he was surprised. She was being punished, of course she wouldn't be happy. Not seeing her smile was a bit strange and his first instinct was to reveal himself and do what he could to cheer her up, but just when he decided to stand, Spinel was already at the fountain and looking down curiously at something. His heart stopped and Steven shrunk quickly back behind the plant.  
"What are you even doing, Universe?" He muttered irately to himself. Taking a slow, calming breath, Steven peeked through the plant to see Spinels reaction.

The pigtailed Gem was staring down at the message, mostly confused. It was Steven's hand writing, but she had never told him about this place. Did he figure it out on his own, or did someone tell him? Either way, that meant that this was really from him, right? A bright smile laced her face now, kneeling down and to read the message more carefully.

** _Can't wait to see you again. I miss you. –S_ **

Spinel blushed lightly and the pain she had been feeling for days was replaced with this happy warmth through her chest. However, just as quickly as the pain went away, it reformed when she thought about what Pearl had said. Spinel couldn't love Steven. He was bound to choose Connie in the end.  
This must have been why Pearl wanted her to stay away from Steven. Even him just leaving this message made her feel so happy. If she kept hanging around him before she learned how to forget these feelings, she would only fall further from being his friend. She was supposed to be his **_friend._**

Noticing that he had left the pen there, Spinel took it in her hand and stared at the stone surface for a moment or two. What could she write back to him? Of course, she wanted to tell him how much she missed him as well and that she trying her best for him, but was that acceptable. After what Pearl said to her, Spinel had been questioning every thought that had anything to do with Steven. Was it something a friend would do?

"Why is this so hard?!" Spinel sighed aloud, placing the pen down and turning to set her back against the stone as she stared up at the fabricated sky. "…Pink…I'm sorry. I didn't think I would…become so corrupted in a different way. That's what this is…isn't it? That's what must have happened when I changed. Something corrupted me…and now I'm just burdening your son. …Pearl said I can fix this, but…but what if I can't? What if Steven ends up hating me?!" Spinel cried out at the end. What could she possibly do to make these feelings go away? How could she make herself be okay with Steven and Connie being together?

Steven listened from his hiding spot, not entirely sure what she was talking about. How could he ever end up hating her? He would have kept himself hidden, but once Spinel started to cry, he couldn't help himself. "Spinel," he called out, standing up from behind the shrub, a few leaves in his hair.

With a start, Spinel jumped to her feet and stared in shock as Steven rounded the plant and walked closer to the fountain. This wasn't like Pinks room. She couldn't just make the things he wanted appear. So this was really Steven. At first, she smiled and nearly rushed over to him until she reminded herself of Pearls instructions. When Steven reached the other side of the fountain, Spinel held out her hands and lowered her head. "Stop!" she shouted, her voice cracking a bit. Separated by the fountain, they were so close, but far enough that it ached her.

"…why? I-I didn't mean to overhear you. I just…I'm sorry," Steven began, worried that she was upset over his eavesdropping. "It wasn't on purpose."

"…I'm not supposed to see you." Answered Spinel.

"I'm not supposed to see you either…" Steven replied, just now realizing they could get in trouble for his impulse. Still, now that she was in front of him, he wasn't just going to run away. "…but I don't care." He finished, continuing to walk around the fountain to reach her.

Spinel gasped and backed away, walking around the fountain as well to keep away from him. Steven noticed this and immediately began to walk a little faster. Soon, the two of them were just going in a big circle, picking up the pace and soon both were just running around the fountain.

"Why are you running away?!" Steven demanded in confusion as he ran after her.

"Because you're chasing me!" Spinel answered as if it were obvious. "I can't see you! Pearl said so!"

"So close your eyes!" Steven insisted.

Spinel couldn't really find a way to argue with that and gradually, she slowed down, soon stopping all together and turning around to face Steven with her eyes closed.  
Steven caught his breath for a moment and laughed lightly when he stood before Spinel, glad she was willing to stop and speak with him, even if she wouldn't look at him. Though it did make it a little awkward.

"Spinel, um…I really missed you…" he began quietly, not sure what to say now that she was in front of him. Should he tell her about the kiss? No. She would surely find it strange. Or worse, she wouldn't understand and he'd have to elaborate, further embarrassing him.  
"…I uh…I don't know why you hurt Connie…but I don't hate you for it. Connie isn't even that mad. She just—we just wanted to know why you did it. …If she upset you or something, I'm sure we can work it out." In the end, he went with what had forced her solitude in the first place.

"I can't tell you why." Spinel replied almost at once. She couldn't very well tell Steven she did it because she was jealous and it had apparently just been building up for so long that she exploded. What would he think of her then?  
"I'm-I'm your friend though! So I can promise it won't happen again! Pearl said she could help me so that I never do something like that ever again. Once I'm all fixed, I will be your very best friend and I'll get along with Connie just fine."

"…Fixed? Spinel…you're not broken. Wait, did your Gem crack or something?!" he exclaimed, leaning forward at once to examine the heart shaped gem that covered her chest. When he didn't see any cracks, he glanced up at Spinel, even with her eyes closed, he could see she was upset.

"It's not cracked. It's just me, Steven. Something is wrong with me. I'm sorry. I wanted to be a good friend to you, but I…didn't even consider how…distorted I had become."

"Distorted?" Steven repeated, steadily getting upset that she was talking about herself like this. "Spinel, there is **nothing **wrong with you."

"J-just don't worry, Steven. Pearl is going to fix things." Spinel tried, tears beginning to slip from her closed eyelids and trickling down her cheeks. Still, she tried to keep the smile on her face. "I promise that you'll prefer the old me and everything will go back to normal. I'll be made right again."

"Stop it."

"Just wait a little while longer and everything will be-"

Not waiting for Spinel to finished her sentence, Steven grabbed her waist and pulled her forward, leaning down a bit in order to press his lips against her gem.

"ST-STEVEN?!" Spinel shouted in surprise, no longer bothering to keep her eyes closed, staring down at him as he kissed her gem.  
"Pl—Please don't! Pearl is gonna—"

"Stop talking," Steven said simply, leaning up now and capturing her lips with his own to keep her from saying anything else, pulling her waist even closer to himself.

Spinel could only stare into empty space, her eyes wide as her mind went blank. This was certainly new. Steven had held her close before, but this felt different. Very different. That warm, happy feeling had blissfully returned to her chest, but this time it felt as if her gem would burst. She wasn't sure why this was happening, but she had no plans to end it. However, when she felt Steven slip his tongue between her lips, she flinched noticeably and it seemed to alarm Steven, who pulled away almost at once with flushed cheeks.

At first, the two simply stared at one another, both wide eyed and silent.  
Steven was more surprised at his own rash actions. He had almost gotten carried away. That was not why he came here.  
"I-I'm sorry," he began, averting his gaze to the floor. "B-But see? You're not broken…and you're not wrong."

It was quiet between them once again, Steven glanced back up at Spinel, but it was as if she were frozen in place, still staring at him in consternation. It only made his cheeks burn further. He felt like such an idiot.

"Um—Spinel…I—"

"Again," Spinel said quietly.

Steven's heart jumped, "Wh-what?"

"Again…" repeated Spinel as she stepped forward and placed her hands on Steven's shoulders, leaning in an attempt to recreate the moment they shared.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!" shouted Pearl as she stood in the doorway that connected Spinels room to the garden.


	7. Can't Be Together

Pearl hadn't moved from the doorway, still gawking at Spinel and Steven whom she had just caught in an embrace.

Spinel hastily removed her hands from Stevens shoulders, feeling that all too familiar pain in her stomach. Pearl had only just warned her to stay away from Steven and here she was about to kiss him.

"P-Pearl...I—-" Spinel stammered, unsure what to say.

"Spinel! We talked about this!" Pearl insisted, stomping into the room now and grabbing Spinel by the wrist. "Did you tell Steven about this place?!"

Steven had been internally panicking the entire time. There were so many things to be frazzled about, but when Pearl grabbed Spinel, he pushed it all aside for the moment.

"Wait a minute, Pearl! You can't blame Spinel for this. I wanted to see her. She didn't tell me about the Garden!"

"Steven, we will discuss this later," Pearl sighed angrily, "for now, Spinel needs to go back to her room." Pearl wasn't pleased that Steven had lied to her or that Spinel was still pursuing this ill-fated love. "Come on, Spinel." Pearl finished, walking back towards the doorway and pulling Spinel along with her.

"Wait a minute!" Steven insisted, catching up to Pearl and taking Spinels other hand to stop them. "Why are you so mad? I know we weren't supposed to see each other, but what just happened—-it—it was my fault. I—-I wasn't thinking and I just—" he couldn't think of a way to phrase it. Being caught in a kiss was embarrassing enough, but now he had to explain it?

"Not now, Steven," Pearl insisted, "go back to your room and wait for me there. I'll speak with you after I talk with Spinel."

"Spinel should be able to leave her room," Steven demanded, "staying alone hasn't been good for her. She was saying some awful things about herself and said YOU were going to fix her. She doesn't need to be fixed."

"Steven, you don't know what you're talking about. You just don't grasp the whole situation."

Spinel felt terribly uncomfortable while the two most important people to her argued at either side of her. Still, she couldn't help feeling moved that Steven was trying to stand up for her. Not that he hadn't done that before, but still.

"I DO know what I'm talking about. I've known Spinel my entire life. She's just fine the way she is. Nothing is wrong with her and I don't want anyone telling her otherwise." Steven said adamantly, squeezing Spinels hand as he stared Pearl down.

"You can only say that because you have no idea how she used to be. Spinel has been with me for more than six thousand years, I think I know what's best for her. She used to be—-"

"PEARL!" Spinel shouted in a panic to interrupt. She didn't want Steven to know about the old her. Once he found out, he would know how broken she really was. She didn't think she could handle that.

Steven was confused, but he grit his teeth and released Spinels hand. He didn't want to upset Spinel further by arguing with Pearl in front of her.

"...I'll go back to my room...but I'm not gonna let this go." He added, sparing Spinel a glance before he turned to leave.

Once the doors closed and Steven was gone, Pearl released her grip on Spinel and sighed heavily.

"What were you thinking?!" Asked Pearl, trying to calm herself down.

"I wasn't thinking," began Spinel, "I know I did something bad, but—"

"Spinel...trust me, just stay Stevens friend. It can't go any further than that. You'll only get hurt again."

Spinel knee Pearl was right. She was only supposed to be his friend. However, if Steven kissed her...didn't that mean he wouldn't hate it if there was something a bit more?

"...but...Steven kissed** me**. ...doesn't that—-"

"That's not the point..." Pearl interjected sadly. Rose had cared for her back in the day as well and Pearl was sure Rose would always choose her, but in the end, she was tossed aside for a human. Steven wasn't Rose, but she was sure that in the end, he would choose to be with a human. She would do anything to keep Spinel from feeling that pain. After all, it might destroy her this time. Pearl couldn't stand the idea of that happening.

"...even if he's affectionate with you now...will you be able to handle it when he chooses Connie later on?"

Truthfully, Spinel wasn't thinking about that at all. She was silent, trying to imagine how it would feel to have this happiness ripped from her and given to someone else.

"That's why I wanted to stop this before it got too far. I didn't want you to feel that way. ...to have to watch someone you love...love someone else."

"Stop saying that!" Spinel shouted now, closing her eyes and shaking her head furiously as if trying to rattle the thoughts from her head. Spinel was there with Pearl while Rose and Greg grew closer. She saw how horribly sad it made Pearl and how devastated she was when Rose decided to have a baby with a human. Spinel didn't want to think about feeling that way.

"You don't know it will be the same way! Steven might—"

"I'm not willing to take that chance and you shouldn't be either!" Pearl cried, trying to suppress her tears. "Your Gem turned upside down! Your appearance changed! Your personality changed! Who knows what will happen to you next time! I'm just trying to protect you! Why won't you let me help you?!"

Spinel was conflicted. Pearl looked like she would burst into tears at any moment. Did being in love with Steven mean she was being a bad friend to both of them?

"Don't cry, Pearl..." Spinel pleaded softly.

Pearl sniffed a bit and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Spinel. I'm sure you and Steven think I'm being unreasonable...but.."

"I know you're worried, Pearl. ...but Steven isn't Rose."

Pearl said nothing. If this went on, they would just keep arguing in circles. For now, she just wanted to make sure that Spinel stayed in one piece.

"I'm going to go and speak with Steven. ...you can stay in the garden if you want, but for now, don't leave the temple."

Spinel didn't answer Pearl. She didn't want to stay here any longer. What's more, even if her thoughts were distorted by her change, she wanted to see Steven. "...I'll wait here for a little while," she replied finally.

With little left to say on the matter, Pearl left the garden. How had this all gone so sideways. Pearl thought she was over this fear, but the idea of losing Spinel over this resurfaced all the anxiety she felt as if it had never gone away.

It didn't help that the moment she stepped from the temple door, an frustrated looking Steven was pacing the floor, clearly waiting for her.

"Steven," Pearl began in hopes of getting his attention. "Would you like to talk now?"

Turning on his heel at once, Steven spun around to face Pearl. He had been thinking on what to say this entire time, but it all seemed to slip from his grasp now that the moment was here.

"We-well yeah. I want to know why Spinel is actually being kept away from me. Also, you didn't punish her further, did you?"

Pearl wanted to remain as calm as possible. Nothing would help this by losing control. Walking briskly past Steven, Pearl made her way to the couch and sat herself down silently, gesturing elegantly with her right hand for Steven to sit beside her.

"Garnet is the one that thought you two should spend time apart...but I do agree with her. Though it seems I didn't act on this soon enough. There are some things I need you to know about Spinel."

Though he was reluctant, Steven took his seat beside Pearl and listened patiently as she spoke. Still, she wasn't answering anything he asked.

"...there's nothing about her you can tell me that will make me think this is a good idea," Steven stubbornly replied.

Without responding, Pearls gen began to glow and a beam of light streamed out in front of them, projecting an image of Spinel as she used to be when she first formed. The projection was smiling and juggling merrily in front of Steven as he examined the image. Her hair was up in buns that formed the shape of a heart on both sides. Her eyes were brighter and there were no black marks that lined her cheeks. The biggest change however, was the fact that her gem was right side up.

"So? ...you guys change your appearance all the time..."

The projection was cut off and Pearl sighed. "It's not the same, Steven. No gem has ever changed like Spinel. That image...it was how she looked before Rose gave birth to you. The grief of losing Rose...it broke Spinel somehow. Just not in the way we are used to. It was something garnet and I had never seen before and it wasn't just her appearance. Spinels personality changed a great deal. She became emotionally unstable and she didn't smile as much.

We took her to Roses fountain, but it did nothing. We waited to see what else the change might do, but nothing happened. I was worried that she was being corrupted in some way, but after she met you, she started to smile more and even though she didn't change back, I thought it would be okay. ...but I made a mistake. Spinels attachment to you now is unhealthy for her and I'm worried that if she gets hurt because of it...the next time she breaks it will turn her into someone unrecognizable."

Steven did his best to process what Pearl was saying. So this is what she meant when she said that he didn't know how Spinel had changed?

Now, when she mentioned that Spinels attachment to him had gotten unhealthy, Steven was inclined to connect that to the kiss they shared earlier. Even if that was entirely his fault.

"So when you say you want to keep her away from me...it's because you're worried her feelings for me will grow? ...but why do you think I would hurt her?" Steven added, slightly hurt that Pearl would assume he'd harm Spinel in any way.

"You and Spinel can't be together, Steven," stated Pearl, not bothering to beat around the bush.

"I didn't think this would ever be a problem. I also thought I would only have to help Spinel through this. ...but then I saw you two...in the garden."

Stevens cheeks flushed pink at once and glanced away from Pearl bashfully. No matter how embarrassing this was, he did take something away from what Pearl said that lifted his spirits. Spinel was developing feelings for him. It meant she didn't see him as a little brother like he previously thought. Pearl seemed adamant on stopping this, but her words were having the opposite effect.

"We don't know what's going to happen. Everything could turn out fine."

"What about Connie?" Asked Pearl simply.

Steven was suddenly pulled back to a painful reality. Connie. These new feelings for Spinel had formed during his current relationship with Connie. How could he forget about that? Even with everything going on, it was unforgivable. What kind of jerk had he become in a single day?

"...I..."

"Eventually...you'll choose someone...and if it's not Spinel, I don't want to think about what might happen to her and you shouldn't choose someone out of guilt. I'm trying to save you and Spinel a lot of pain and guilt."

Pearl could only hope that Steven would see what she was trying to prevent.

"Just forget all this. Be with Connie as if nothing happened and you'll be fine. I will work with Spinel so she can let you go. It's what's best for everyone." Pearl pleaded with a small smile.

"Whoa! Hold the phone," Amethyst interjected, having heard most of the conversation when she left her temple room without being noticed by either of them. "Now give the phone to me."

"Amethyst, this is serious, please don't—"

"—-oh cram it," Amethyst groaned. "Are you even listening to yourself? You want everything to stay the same because you think it's best? That's not how earth works. You can't keep things from happening because you're scared of what MIGHT happen and you know that."

"Amethyst, this does not involve you."

"It sounds like it doesn't involve YOU either. You're just projecting onto them." insisted Amethyst.

"Wha—?! I'm doing this FOR them!" Pearl shouted now, standing from her seat in an attempt to mask how flustered she had become.

"That's enough!" Steven exclaimed, standing as well. "Look, this is all REALLY confusing and new and there are a lot of things to sort out, but the one thing that's clear is that this is a problem between me and Spinel! In which case, she doesn't need to stay away from me and the only thing that can fix all this is for me and Spinel to talk things out." Stevens voice was stern and confident, hiding the irritation he felt over people still thinking they knew what was best for him. "Now, I am going into the temple and Spinel and I are gonna have a conversation, WITHOUT interruptions. When we are finished, she and I will decide what goes on from here and everyone will just have to accept it. Good or bad."

Pearl shrank a bit as Steven stated his terms, but Amethyst smiled, looking quiet relieved.

"You should get that done while Pearl is still in shock." Amethyst replied, patting Stevens shoulder before she slapped his back playfully to push him towards the temple door.

Steven only nodded in response before running back to the temple door and quickly rushing into his mother's old room once again.

Pearl looked terribly anxious, but afraid to go after him. His tone of voice implied that he would not forgive her if she tried any further to control this situation. So instead, she held her hands together at her chest, working hard on controlling the impulse to follow Steven and stop him.

Amethyst watched Pearl silently for a moment or two, but eventually, she reached over and took Pearls hand.

"Hey. I'm here," amethyst stated with an empathetic smile. Even if she had berated Pearl earlier, she knew this was hard for her. So until Steven and Spinel returned from their talk, Amethyst was determined to stay with Pearl. If only to reassure the elegant Gem that she was not alone.


	8. Let's Play Pretend

Steven was already back in the garden. For the second time today. Everything had spiraled so quickly today and although he still had so much to think about, the one thing that became clear was that he and Spinel were feeling something similar.

The only problem was, Spinel seemed to think her feelings were wrong because she thought SHE was wrong. He didn't like that one bit. He wanted to make things clear before she let her thoughts fester and did something stupid. He'd seen it happen many times before. Looking around the garden, Spinel was no where to be found. She must have gone back to her room as Pearl instructed.

"Steven?" Spinel exclaimed, a little confused. She had been sitting up on one of the tall stone pillars when he walked in.

"...what are you doing back here?" She asked, sliding down to the floor.

Steven sighed in relief. She didn't look like she'd been crying and she wasn't hold up in her room all alone.

"Come here," he started, stepping forward and taking her hand in his. "This time, I want to make sure we're not interrupted."

Spinel only nodded her head as she let Steven lead her out of the garden and into his room of the temple. The door to the garden poofed away, disconnecting them from everyone now. No one could come in and yell at them now.

"In here, we can talk this out."

"...there's not much to talk about," replied Spinel sadly. "I'm sorry I even started all this."

Steven took a deep breath, gathering up a little courage. He knew she would begin the conversation like this.

"...I...think my feelings for you have changed..." he began, not really sure how to do this. With Connie, things just sort flowed without the need for words, but he knew he would have to explain this to Spinel. Especially since she was so sure these feelings were a problem.

"It's new and honestly...I've only thought about it recently, but you didn't start anything. In fact...what started all this for me...was because of what happened in this room." His cheeks were turning a bright red now as he recalled the incident. He still felt guilty about it.

"I missed you so much that when I came in here, the room sort of...made you and that Spinel clone...kissed me. It forced me to think about what I really wanted and I still don't really know, but none of this is your fault."

"She kissed you?" Repeated Spinel with a frown.

"Well...yeah. I'm really sorry for doing something like that without your permission. I didn't even ask for the room to do that, I swear." Steven explained in a frazzled manner. He still felt guilty about the whole thing.

"But you did want a kiss. Or the room wouldn't have done that."

"I-I know that, but I didn't ask, it just appeared and it happened so fast—"

"—-if you want to kiss me. Just kiss me. You don't need a clone when I'm right here." Spinel said simply, glancing up into Stevens eyes without a hint of doubt or hesitation.

Steven had to take another breath as a chill bristled up his back when he looked into her eyes. Why did it seem as if she was no longer confused? Surely she hadn't sorted out her feelings so quickly.

"...but uh...I wanted us to talk about...what to do from now on."

It was hard to focus on the topic after she had just given him permission to kiss her. Despite his rational thought, he was a healthy young man after all.

Spinel stepped in closer to Steven. This room was a good chance to escape reality for a moment. In here, she didn't want to worry that she was broken or that Steven would choose Connie. In here, she just wanted to be close to the person she loved. Wasn't she allowed that much at least?

"You don't want to?" Spinel asked, stopping just before their feet met.

Steven was frozen in place, almost afraid to take a breath. He was certain all the blood had rushed to his face. What was going on? Did he accidentally conjure something in the room instead of the actual Spinel? Of course he wanted to kiss her, but something felt wrong here.

"Sp-spinel, what's going on?" He asked, swallowing back his temptation in an attempt to speak with her rationally.

Spinel lowered her head a bit, hiding her expression from him. What did he want her to say? She didn't want to think about all this. She didn't want to admit how broken she really was. Accepting that she had fallen in love with Steven was just more proof that she was distorted somehow.

"Just stay here with me," she began almost in a whisper. "Just be my Steven for a little while. I don't want to hear about anything else. I don't want to talk about Connie, I don't want to talk about Pearl, and I don't want to talk about how confusing this is."

As she spoke, Steven noticed her shoulders begin to tremble. This was bad. Spinel was never very good at handling big emotions like this. Especially if they contradicting her way of thinking.

"Spinel..." he started calmly, placing his hands on her shoulders, hoping to comfort her a little.

"...I know exactly how you're feeling right now. I mean, I've known you my whole life and suddenly it feels like...we have to treat each other differently. You keep saying that you just want to be my friend...but why can't you keep being my friend even if...your feelings run a bit deeper than that?"

Spinel felt a familiar anger start to bubble up inside her chest. She knew very well that Steven had nothing but good intentions, but was he really going to force her to say this aloud?

"Because of Connie!" Spinel shouted suddenly, raising her head to meet his eyes once again.

Steven flinched lightly. It's not like he didn't expect this, but he wasn't exactly ready to broach that subject deeply. He hadn't had enough time to think on it properly.

"...That's why I wanted to talk things out with you. After all, this is all new and I'm not used to feeling like this for...two people." Steven admitted, almost ashamed of it. It felt unfair to the both of them, but he couldn't exactly control it.

Spinel shook her head. This is exactly what she didn't want. She didn't want to think about any of this. Why did he insist on bringing it up?

"You always think everything can be solved with just a conversation..." she nearly chuckled. "...why can't you, just this once, stop talking?"

"You just want to pretend that nothings wrong?" Steven asked in concern, sliding his hand from her shoulder to cup her cheek. "Spinel, you know that never helps. I'm not trying to overwhelm you. Thinking about all this stuff...I know it's not any fun."

"You're not playing fair..." Spinel whined, leaning her cheek against his palm. His soft caring voice, she had never been able to argue with him long.

"But Steven...this game isn't any fun. Every time I find myself happy thinking about you...I think about you with her...and I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm not supposed to feel like this, I'm supposed to—"

"Stop saying what you're supposed to do," Steven demanded. "You're not supposed to be anything other than what you want to be."

Spinel stared up at Steven in silence. She knew what he was trying to say, but she didn't want to admit how frightening that was for her. After changing like this, the only thing she had to hold onto to ensure herself that she hadn't completely broken, was her sole purpose for being created. If she tried to veer off course, wouldn't that mean she had no hope of fixing herself?

"...this is why I didn't want to talk," Spinel whispered with a small smile. "We're in the only room on earth that would allow someone to escape their troubles, but only you would want to face reality in here."

"Is reality so bad?" Steven asked. "...I much prefer the real Spinel over some clone this room could think up."

Steven had often seen Spinel get down on herself, but most of the time, she could jump back to her cheerful self when he was around. How many times had she forced her feelings down so that he wouldn't worry about her?

Why had he let that go on for so long?

"Spinel...if you really don't want to talk about all this right away, we can just...take a moment to relax." He relented finally. The last couple of days had been a little exhausting for the both of them.

Spinel nodded slowly and Steven removed his hand from her face.

"Room, could get something comfortable to sit on?"

A large pink cloud appeared and formed into a replica of Stevens bed from his room. Causing the young man to nearly choke on his own breath when he gasped. He didn't mean to conjure up something so suggestive. He was really starting to resent his subconscious. His only saving grace was that Spinel didn't seem to take it the way he did.

Instead, Spinel smiled and jumped onto the bed. It did happen to be where she was most comfortable. Laying in bed with Steven, even if they didn't say a word, it was the most relaxing place to be.

With a relieved sigh, Steven sat himself at the edge of the bed, watching Spinel as she jumped up and down for a moment. He was just glad to see her act like herself again. At least for the moment. Even if they didn't talk about the important stuff right now, he knew it would have to happen eventually. Still, it's not like they had anywhere to be today.

"You're gonna break the bed," chuckled Steven. It had happened before. Bismuth had built Steven several beds over the years because Spinel would coax Steven into bouncing on the mattress with her.

Spinel giggled, finally letting herself sit still. "Well you could ju at ask for another one," she replied.

"Don't take advantage of the rooms generosity. The room only has your comfort in mind."

"Oh, I guess you're right. The room does only wish to make us happy. After all, it gave you what makes you happy, didn't it?" Spinel teased.

Steven froze once again, regretting his honesty. "Th-that didn't make me happy," he admitted. Obviously, he couldn't stop being honest. It's just who he was.

"It didn't?" Asked Spinel, her heart sinking. Did that mean he really didn't want to kiss her?

"No. It made me feel guilty," he corrected. "What made me happy...was the...real kiss..." he finished awkwardly.

Spinel blushed lightly. Though she had started it, she wasn't fully prepared for Stevens response. They had always been able to tell one another everything. These kinds of things were just new to them. Especially Spinel.

"It...made me happy too..." she replied, covering her reddening cheeks with her hands.

An awkward silence hovered over them now, both staring down at their own laps and just trying to think of something to say.

"...could we...do it again?" Asked Spinel meekly.

Once again, Spinel was playing with fire. Steven cleared his throat and took a deep breath. As much as he wanted to, he was trying very hard to keep his hands off of her until they had talked everything out. Why was she doing this to him? It was starting to feel like she was trying to break him.

"I...I don't think..."

Spinel had scooted a bit closer to Steven, reaching over and gently taking a sliver of his sleeve between her fingers.

She had fought a thousand year war, but this was the most nerve wracking thing she'd ever experienced.

Steven glanced down at her and immediately regretted it. She was staring back up at him with her bright magenta colored hues and Stevens heart nearly stopped. Since when did her eyes force his heart to jump like this? Talk about not playing fair.

"...J-just one," the words left his lips before he could stop himself. After all, just how long could he hold onto reason when she looked at him like that?

Spinel smiled, but didn't have time to say anything in response before Steven placed a hand at her waist and pulled her even closer, trapping her lips against his.

Like before, Spinel felt a warm glow rushing through her. However, unlike before, Spinel wasn't so shocked that she couldn't respond. She returned his kiss softly, not entirely sure how this worked, but it felt so nice that it almost didn't matter. She figured if she just followed Stevens lead, everything would be fine.

Steven on the other hand, was having trouble keeping his focus. He wanted to remain responsible about this, but once his lips touched hers, all reason seemed to fly away. Turning his body to get a bit more comfortable, Steven was on his knees in front of Spinel, both sitting above his comforter as they shared a kiss. With his lips brushing against hers, a chill bristled up his back, urging him forward. A part of him was worried he would startle her again, but a bigger part was willing to take that risk.

Parting her lips gently with his tongue, he deepened the kiss with caution.

Though Spinel was surprised by this, she didn't pull away like last time. Instead, she followed his lead and met his tongue with her own, feeling his warm breath against her skin as they kissed. She now regretted reacting the way she did last time. This kiss felt even better than their first one.

The moment he felt her tongue lap against his, his sanity had all but gone away. He leaned forward, gently pushing Spinel down against the bed. He was reluctant to break the kiss. Her tongue tasted like sugar melting in his mouth and though he would be embarrassed to say it aloud, he liked the sweet taste of her lips.

Still, he broke the kiss slowly, pulling his head back just far enough to see her face.

Spinel looked as if she were in a trance, staring up at Steven with a blush lacing her cheeks. Just like the night before, Steven was a bit mesmerized by her. However this time, he didn't have to keep it to himself.

"You're beautiful, Spinel," Steven breathed softly.

The gem beneath him blushed further and averted her gaze to the side.

"D-don't day things like that..." she pleaded in a bashful whimper.

Raising his brow, Steven smirked and leaned down once more. Though she had turned her head to to avoid his eyes, he used the opportunity to try something else.

"Why not?" He asked quietly, planting small kisses along her cheek, trailing down slowly towards her neck.

Spinel flinched, her body shivering slightly as she felt his warm lips trace her skin. She'd watched Steven all his life, when did he learn how to do something like this?

"I-it's embarrassing," spinel answered before taking a breath to try and calm herself a little.

"You should probably just get used to it," Steven hummed against her skin before running his tongue slowly up the length of her neck. How could she possibly taste so sweet? He couldn't seem to get enough.

A shuddered breath escaped Spinels lips and she quickly covered her mouth. This was terribly embarrassing. Steven seemed so calm. How could he be so calm, thought Spinel in a panic.

Steven looked down at Spinel in surprise, his heart pounding against chest as if it would burst out at any moment. He wanted more and it would have been so easy, but he had to consider Spinels feelings in all this. She looked a bit overwhelmed and as cute as that made her look, he didn't want to scare her. Steven closed his eyes tight for a moment, gritting his teeth before he sighed miserably.

"Damn, you're cute..." he groaned as he forced himself to lay beside her. Being on top of her like that was too tempting and he wasn't sure he would have the strength of mind to stop if he didn't stop now.

Spinel sat up now, worried she had done something wrong. Why did he stop? She certainly didn't want him to.

"...was it...bad?" She asked in concern.

"No," answered Steven at once, covering his eyes with his hands to keep from looking at her, his blush all too apparent over his cheeks.

"It was not bad. All I want to do right now is keep you all to myself inside this room," he admitted without a hint of embarrassment. His mind was racing and what he said aloud was not nearly as embarrassing as some of the thoughts he had now.

"...but I need to control myself a little. This is pretty new to me too. I don't want mess it up."

"Mess it up?" Repeated Spinel. "I think you were doing a good job. I...I really liked it."

Another shot to his heart. If she knew how hard this was on him, she wouldn't be saying things like that. Or maybe she was doing this on purpose. He was relieved however, when Spinel leaned down, resting her head against his waist as she laid beside him. Though she wanted more, she was content to stay here like this. If everyday could be like this from now on, she was more than happy to be broken.

Steven wrapped an arm around her, holding her close with a smile. This was perfect and it gave him a chance to wind down. Not that he would tell her, but he couldn't exactly stand up right now. He just hoped she didn't notice so they could avoid another embarrassing conversation.

After laying there together for some time, Steven and Spinel talked about the small things that made them happy. Each one avoiding talking about anything that would remind them of the situation that awaited them once they left this room. It would be so simple if it was just them, but with so many other peoples feelings tied to this, it was unavoidable that a mess would be made and someone would be hurt when this was all over. Time slipped away from the both of them and eventually, Steven had fallen asleep with a smile on his face.

Spinel slipped from his embrace and sat up to look down at Stevens peaceful expression. Before she knew it, tears began to pool in her eyes. "...it was nice to pretend like this. Thank you for playing along with me..." spinel whispered, leaning down to kiss his cheek before sliding from the bed carefully so as not to wake him. Wiping her eyes, Spinel glanced back at Steven, hesitating before she turned away and left the room. Surely he would be upset with her when he found out what she was about to do, but it was for the best. All Spinel wanted was for Steven to be happy. This way, she could make everything easy for him. This way, she could do one last nice thing for her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say, for the record, I fully expect that since Steven is so kind and gentle, he'd be pretty aggressive in the bedroom. GAWD! all they had to do was give that guy a NECK and suddenly I'm going to hell. lol 
> 
> Anyway, see you all in the next Chapter!


	9. Breaking

Steven woke up after a few hours and was quickly made aware that Spinel was no longer in his arms. He rubbed his eyes and sat up in the fabricated bed, looking around the empty room slowly.

"Spinel?" Steven called out with a yawn. With no answer and no sign of Spinel, Steven slipped from the bed and placed his hand over it to send it away. He wasn't sure where Spinel had gone, but his mind kept sliding back to the moment they shared. Even though they didn't really solve anything, one thing was for sure, they felt the same.

Either Spinel had gone back to the garden or left the temple altogether, but Steven knew he couldn't leave the room until the ridiculous grin had left his face. He could barely contain the excitement and joy that made him want to shout. However, since there was no one to witness his embarrassment, Steven jumped into the air with a triumphant, "YES!"

When Steven finally floated down to the ground, he took a few deep breaths to calm down before he left the room. Luckily, it looked as though he hadn't slept the entire day away, but no one seemed to be home. Had Spinel really just gone back to her room? He hoped that Pearl didn't get a hold of Spinel before he woke up and forced her back in there.

Well, so long as he was home alone, Steven made his way back to his room, a little afraid to check his phone since he had neglected it for so long. Once he did, reality punched him in the gut. Connie had been trying to get ahold of him for a while now. Suddenly, the excitement he felt over Spinel had turned to pure guilt. What was he going to do about this? Pearl was right, eventually he'd have to speak with Connie and Spinel both and one of them would get hurt. He didn't want to hurt anyone.

"What are we gonna do about this?" Amethyst asked in a hushed and panicked voice.

Steven quietly stepped down the stairs and stood at the landing, watching Amethyst and Pearl leaving the temple. Amethyst looked confused and upset, while Pearl was noticeably crying, tears streaming down her cheeks as she held something to her chest.

"What's going on?" Steven asked in concern as he continued down the stairs.

Amethysts expression became stiff and though she looked to Pearl for some help, but the other Gem just broke down with more tears. Steven panicked slightly, rushing over to them to comfort Pearl, even if he didn't know what was wrong just yet. However, when he got close enough, he finally saw what was in her hands, a crumpled piece of paper where he could barely make out Spinels hand writing.

"What's that?" He asked with a sense of dread. Pearl was crying, it couldn't have been good.

Pearl tried to compose herself, wiping her eyes as best she could before she straightened out the paper to reveal its contents. There wasn't much. It simply stated, **_'I'm sorry. Goodbye.'_**

Steven’s heart sunk down into his stomach. What did this mean? Where was Spinel?

"I don't get it," Steven said quietly, shifting slowly into denial. "Is she...playing some sort of game? Is this some riddle we have to solve?"

"She left, dude..." amethyst said with a sad sigh. “Everything in here room was gone...except for a note and...this," Amethyst pulled the gift Spinel had made for Steven and tried to give him a couple days ago. It was still a bit crushed, but Amethyst didn't think that mattered right now.

Even though Amethyst held the box out for Steven, he didn't take it. If anything, he backed away a little. As if taking the box would be like admitting she was gone.

"Her room is always empty. She doesn't even like being in there."

"It's empty...but the one thing she liked...was a chest of memories she kept. The chest is gone." Amethyst explained, finding it was her responsibility to do so, as Pearl was still trying to wipe her tears as quickly as they came. "We can't think of where she would go to and Garnet hasn't come back from her mission yet."

"With the warp pads, she could be anywhere...she might have even left earth by now…" Pearl choked out.

"She's not gone!" Steven insisted a little louder now. "She's just—just messing with us."

"Steven...we'll find her." Amethyst tried, hoping to calm him down a little. The short gem wasn't sure she could handle Steven AND Pearl freaking out at the same time.

Stevens mind went a mile a minute. How could this happen? Why would Spinel leave? Especially after the moment they shared. She seemed happy. At least he thought she did. No matter how hard he searched for a reason, he kept coming back to one thing.

"...you kept telling her she was wrong..." he muttered.

Pearl flinched lightly. She knew this would come back to her. Not that she didn't blame herself already. She should have known that this was too much for Spinel.

"Steven...I...I didn't mean for something like—"

"—-you told her that we couldn't be together. You made her think she wasn't good enough as she is. You made her think that being with me was going to ruin her somehow because I was going to hurt her. Now look what’s happened!”

Amethyst forced a smile and took a step in between Steven and Pearl, holding up her hands slightly in and attempt to calm things down.   
“Whoa, whoa! We don’t need to start like this. It won’t change anything.”

Pearl gasped out another sob and fell to her knees. She was more worried about Spinel than they knew. After all, she knew her better and was painfully aware of all the tortured thoughts Spinel had about herself. If Pearl had just handled this differently, maybe this would have turned out better, but now…she worried that Spinel had run off somewhere…to poof or even…**_shatter _**herself.  
“G-garnet will know…” whispered Pearl with a trembling voice.

“That’s right! We just have to wait for Garnet to get back and I bet she’ll be able to find Spinel.” Amethyst agreed, still trying her hardest to be reassuring.

“We don’t know how long that will be,” Steven started in frustration, “she might get hurt or—“

“We have to find her before she does something drastic!” Pearl shouted through her tears, getting to her feet and heading unsteadily towards the warp pad.

“Pearl, let’s just wait for Garnet,” pleaded Amethyst as she grabbed the slender gems arm to hold her back. “There are too many places to look.”

“What do you mean something drastic,” asked Steven. Finding that he was very much frozen in place.

Pearl glanced over at Steven, conflicted as to whether or not she should explain herself any further. She’d already made such a mess of things. Wouldn’t it be worse if Steven knew what Spinel might be thinking? “St-Steven…you sh-“

“—Don’t tell me what I should do right now! Spinel is out there alone again and I want to find her just as much as you do! You’re not leaving me out of this!”

Silence hushed over the room as the three stared at one another, each unsure where to go from here. Once again, Amethyst tried to ease the tension.   
“…When Garnet comes home…she’ll tell us where Spinel is. In the meantime…we can try and brainstorm where she might be on our own, huh? All she said was goodbye; it doesn’t mean she is going to hurt herself or anything. I bet she just ran off to think about stuff. I mean, I know **I** like to be alone when I’m thinking about something tough.”

Steven ran his hand through his hair with a frustrated groan. What was he supposed to do? Just sit here? No. He didn’t plan on staying idle while Spinel was out there somewhere, no doubt just letting her negative thoughts grow larger. He’d seen how difficult it was for Pearl to calm Spinel down when she started getting upset. Even he struggled with it a few times.   
“I’m going to go and look for her. Call me when Garnet gets back,” Steven stated as he finally reached out and took the gift in his hand. If Spinel would have just gotten a cellphone like they tried to make her, this would be a lot easier. Steven stormed away from the gems and back up to his bedroom in order to grab his phone and jacket. He placed Spinels gift onto his bed and rushed back down the stairs. He didn’t bother saying another word before leaving the house altogether.

Luckily, it wasn’t dark yet. This way it would be easier to spot her. His first stop was going to be Lars and the off colors. Spinel really liked hanging out with them and Steven was still hoping that she hadn’t gone too far. If that didn’t work, he’d go to little home world and see if Lapis, Bismuth, or Peridot had seen her.   
“Why? Why did you do this?” Steven asked into the air as he ran along the sand. He could feel the sting of tears trying to escape his eyes. Just a moment ago he had been so happy. Sure, they didn’t know what they were going to do, but how could she just give up like this? Was she trying to take the choice out of his hands? Did Spinel have so little hope that they could be happy together? Just a few hours ago he was holding her in his arms and now she was somewhere he couldn’t reach her.

As Steven ran, he took a moment to wipe his eyes of the impending tears, but this forced him to close his eyes for just a second, causing him to collide with something solid. “OOF!” he gasped out as he began to fall backward, only to be caught by the hand and pulled back up. When he saw who had helped him, he actually felt a little relieved.

“Rutile!” he exclaimed happily, rubbing his nose where he’d knocked into their shoulder. “I was just on my way to see you guys about Spinel!” 

“That’s why we’re here as well,” The left rutile twin explained.

“Spinel came to see us not too long ago. We thought it was strange. She was asking Lars for something, be he refused her. She didn’t seem like herself and well…” the right Rutile twin seemed reluctant to continue, “…by the time Padparadsha warned us…it was too late.”

Steven panicked at once and placed his hands on Rutiles shoulders, “Too late for WHAT?! Where’s Spinel?!” Steven pleaded desperately.

“We don’t know, exactly,” they answered together.

“Padparadsha only predicted that Spinel was breaking, but since her predictions are always something that’s already happened…we feared the worse.” The right Rutile clarified. “Lars and the others have been out looking for her and we got sent here to inform you and the other Crystal Gems. Although we did think that Garnet may have already said something.”

It felt like all the air had left his lungs and the ground beneath his feet seemed uneven. Breaking? What did that mean? Was her Gem cracked somehow? Was she being shattered? Shattered…? Bile started to rise up Steven’s throat and he felt dizzy. Was she really planning on leaving everyone like this? Leaving **him**? This couldn’t really be happening. There was no way this was true.

“Steven!” the twins called out together, steadying the half gem by grabbing his forearms. “Here…sit down.” They both said quietly, trying to help him sit on the sand.

Steven shook his head and brushed them off, “No, I need to go and find Spinel. You go and tell the others. I-I need to keep looking.”

Before the twins could protest or attempt to stop him, Steven was running off. The last time they remembered seeing him this upset, was when Lars changed color.   
“Will he be okay?” the left Rutile asked the other.

“I don’t know…” the other replied as they watched Steven vanish in the distance.


	10. Found, but Lost

Hours had gone by and still no sign of Garnet. The sun had long since set, forcing the Off Colors and the Crystal Gems to search by flashlight. Pearl and Amethyst joined the search, unable to sit at home any longer. Most of the gems had jumped from place to place by warp pad, each one marking off areas they had already searched. Amethyst made sure to stay with Pearl as they rushed around. None of the Gems worried about a late night, they were frantic over Padparadscha’s late prediction. It was a good thing they didn’t need sleep or food. It made for a good search party.

“You find anything, Rhodonite?” Asked Lars, walking through some large leaves to meet her at the warp pad.

“Not a trace. This is hopeless…we’re never going to find her…” Rhodonite moaned sadly, hugging herself with all four arms and nearly blinding Lars with her flashlight in the process.

Lars covered his eyes and sighed, stepping onto the warp pad so that the Gem could take them back to beach city. “…I haven’t heard anything from Steven or Pearl either,” he replied, taking his phone from his pocket to check if they had called once again. I heard he ran off to look for Spinel too. If anyone can find her, he’d have the best luck. Those two were always together…”

Once the beam of light had brought them back home, they were faced with Fluorite, the large fusion that was kept at home in case Spinel happened to come back.   
“Anything,” asked Lars.

Fluorite shook her head slowly, disheartening Lars and Rhodonite. The two sighed miserably and Lars took out a map from his pocket to mark off the area they just searched.   
“…you should get some rest,” Rhodonite began in concern, “it’s almost dawn. Don’t you need a little sleep?”

Lars offered the gem a tired smile. “I don’t need as much as I used to. Don’t worry, I can keep going. Let’s at least search one more area.”

As Lars and the others kept on trudging on, Steven had been searching all night long and found absolutely nothing. No one besides the off colors had seen Spinel when she left and there was still no word from Garnet. Checking his phone again, he could see that it had already died. The half gem had run all over the city calling her name, going anywhere he could think of that they shared a memory.

"We were always together..." Steven muttered, doing his best to hold back tears. A lack of sleep didn't help his emotional state, but he couldn't possibly rest while Spinel was out there alone. Especially after hearing Padparadscha's foreboding prediction. He took only a moment to stop running and catch his breath and was ready to set out again until a familiar voice called out his name.

"Steven, there you are!" Connie exclaimed, hanging her head out of the passenger seat while her father drove. Stopping on the side of the road so Connie could get out, she rushed over to Steven and hugged him tight. "Pearl told me what happened to Spinel. I'm so sorry, Steven!"

Honestly, Steven was relieved and welcomed the hug from his friend. No matter how confusing everything has been, the one constant was that Connie was one of his best friends. Nothing would change that. "...I'm still looking for her.”

"Lars and the others are still looking too, don't worry, Steven, we'll find her."

"Thanks Connie, I'm gonna try a couple more—"

"—-you should rest for a while Steven. You don't look well, Connie insisted. "You've been up all night. Some sleep will help a lot."

"I can't sleep until I find her. I won't be able to. The whole reason she slipped away was because I fell asleep in the first place! She fell asleep in my arms and now she's gone..." declared Steven, wiping the oncoming tears from his eyes.

Connie couldn't help but be curious about what he said when he mentioned holding Spinel in his arms, but she had to put that aside for now. Spinels safety came first. "The rest of us will keep looking and Pearl knows Spinel really well. I'm sure we can do this. Now please Steven...you HAVE to get some sleep. Without it, you'll be of no use. Besides, Spinel wouldn't want you to—"

"Stop." Steven insisted bitterly. The way she made it sound like Spinel was already gone, he didn't like it.

Connie could see that the lack of sleep and worry had worn Steven down. She was about to suggest he rest once again until her phone began to ring. "It's Lars," Connie announces hopefully. Maybe his search party had better luck. Answering the phone at once, Connie listened as Lars spoke and suddenly a wide grin spread across her face. "Steven, Lars found Spinel! He's back at your house right now!"

Steven suddenly felt his legs give way and he dropped to his knees with a tired laugh. "Is she okay? Did he say anything about her Gem?"

"No, he just said he found her Gem. She must have been poofed by something. Come on, we'll give you a ride back home!" She exclaimed as she helped Steven to his feet.

Inside the car now, Steven waited anxiously to get back home. Sure she had been poofed, but as long as she was in one piece, everything was going to be okay.

Once they reached his home, Connie and Steven thanked her dad, rushing from the car to go and see Spinel. However, instead of being greeted with happy, relieved faces, Pearl, Amethyst, and Rutile stood in front of the house, as if waiting for Steven there with distraught over their faces.

"Why are you guys out here? Where's Spinel?" Steven asked at once as he ran over. It seemed like they were there to block him from going inside.

"Ah, Steven..." Pearl began, looking a bit shaky herself. Trying her best not to burst into tears again. "Something has...happened to Spinel. Before you go inside, you should know—"

So something** was** wrong. Without waiting to hear another word, Steven leapt over the gems that blocked his way and landed onto the top of the stairs, rushing inside.

"I said, I don't want a hug!" Lars shouted, pushing Spinels extended arms off of his waist. He and Rhodonite stood in the middle of the living room with Spinel, but not the Spinel Steven remembered.

Steven stood frozen in the doorway, staring wide eyed at the Spinel Pearl had shown him in a hologram earlier. Her hair was tied into buns that took the shape of hearts, the black lines that ran down her cheeks were gone, her eyes had changed color, and the biggest change of all? Her heart Gem was right side up. Still, even with all these changes, Steven was just relieved to see that she was okay. She must have really changed her appearance after reforming.

"Spinel!" Steven called out happily as he ran over to her, taking her hands in his. "I was so worried about you!"

"Worried?" Spinel repeated. Even her tone of voice was different now. "Why would anyone worry about me when I have my best with me?" She giggled happily.

Steven looked into her eyes, growing a bit more concerned. She really didn't sound like herself. "O-okay. Well...I'm just glad you're home. We can talk about what happened later if you want..."

"Eh, sorry mister, but I don't live here," Spinel answered with a smile, "where my best friend goes, I go!" She announced happily, slipping her hands from Stevens grip and backing up to stand beside Lars, putting her arm around him.

Lars looked terribly uncomfortable and shrugged his shoulders as he looked to Steven for help. "She's been like this since she reformed," he explained, pushing her hand from his shoulder. "She said she's my new best friend..."

"That's what I was trying to explain to you, Steven," Pearl chimes in as she entered the house, holding what appeared to be the small rod that Steven recognized as Spinels Scythe. "Spinel...seems to have poofed herself with this."

Steven was still confused. "So?"

"Steven...Spinel is like me. She didn't originally have a weapon since we weren't built for battle like Ruby or Amethyst. ...Since the rebellion began, Spinel has been using something called a rejuvenator that had been reprogrammed from its original purpose. Which was to...reset a Gem back to when it was new. She must have had another rejuvenator since she kept backups in case hers broke...from her appearance, she clearly used it on herself. Which means she doesn't remember...anything. All of her previous memories are gone now..."

Steven felt like he was living in a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. What on earth was she talking about? There's no way that Spinel would just forget like that. Not after everything. "Spinel?" Steven began, turning to her once again, slightly irritated when he saw her clinging to Lars' arm.

"You don't...remember anything? You don't remember me?"

"Sure don't, am I supposed to?" She answered with a shake of her head, the smile never leaving her face.

"...she must have wanted to be like she was before. ...to fix everything..." Pearl choked out.

"You mean to fix what **YOU** said she should!" Steven insisted, clenching his fists at his side and glaring down at the floor. He couldn't help but blame Pearl. He didn't want to hurt her, but the words just kept pouring out before he could stop them. "You said she was wrong and so she FIXED herself! I told you that she was fine! Why couldn't you just—"

"Hey, hey, Steven, Calm down!" Lars pleaded anxiously. "This isn't going to help."

"That's right," Spinel added happily, "let's turn our frowns upside down and play a game!"

Steven glanced up at Spinel, feeling a sharp pain in his chest when he saw her face. "...I—I...what am I supposed to do?"

"...I'm sure this isn't permanent," One of the Rutile twins began as they entered his the others, walking over to Lars and brushing Spinels hand from his shoulder.

"Lots of gems got rejuvenated on home world. The ones that started to get their memories back tried to run...but were eventually shattered."

"Started to get their memories back?" Pearl and Steven repeated together.

"So that means there's a chance her memories are still in there somewhere?!" Pearl asked hopefully. Since she had been beside Pink her whole time on Home world, she had never seen anyone rejuvenated. The diamonds would merely shatter or break a gem that stepped out of line.

"I should think so..." the left twin replied, "but we don't really know how it works."

Steven was still a little lost, but ever optimistic, he tried to spin this in his head. Spinel didn't remember him now, but she could remember him eventually. So this wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. At least she wasn’t actually broken or shattered. Still, just how long would that take though and how was he supposed to remind her? "O-okay. So we just...need to remind Spinel who she is. Then...she'll be back to normal and everything will be fine."

"Yeah, okay, but in the meantime, what are we gonna do about this?" Lars asked as Spinel coiled her arms around him gently and pressed her cheek cheerfully against his as she giggled.

"Well first, stop **touching** her." Steven answered irately, finding it difficult to not simply forcefully separate the two.

"Dude, are you serious?! I can't even move my arms!" Lars replied. "Hey uh, Spinel? Can you...let go?"

Spinels happy expression didn't change, but she released Lars without protest. "Anything for my best friend."

"Why is she doing that? Why is she suddenly so attached to Lars?" Steven demanded, finding that he was most unsettled with this outcome.

"She must have reformed around Lars. He was the one that found her after all. When a Spinel first forms, the first person they see is...who they think they were made for. She must think Lars was her intended...owner, if you will."

"Well tell her he's not!" Steven insisted, not sure what to do about it. Though he has hopeful that Spinel would get her memories back and he was glad to have her back, he was not happy at all that she was so close to Lars.

"I'm afraid until she gets her memory back...Lars is her...new best friend." Pearl answered sadly. This really did seem like all her fault and she felt so ashamed of herself.

"Well, we'll just leave Spinel here with all of you. I'm sure you can make her remember in no time." The right rutile twin said with a smile before turning for the door.

Lars offered them all a nervous smile before he headed for the door as well, only to be stopped when he felt Spinel grab his hand in an attempt to come with him.

"Huh? Oh, no, Spinel, you stay here." Lars said with a forced smile.

"What are you talking about? I can't leave my best friend all alone," she replied cheerfully.

Pearl sighed sadly, "Lars I...know it's an inconvenience, but would you mind letting Spinel stay close to you until we help her to remember? ...Spinels like to be with their best friends and I don't want to stress her too much while she's like this."

"Whoa, wait a minute," Steven interjected. "She's **not** gonna live him."

"I just wanna go lay down..." groaned Lars, regretting his decision to help them find her now.

"Lay down? That sounds like a fun game! Let's go play it together!" Spinel exclaimed.

"**NOPE!**" Steven at once, immediately uncomfortable with the image of Spinel lying in bed with Lars. "That ain't happening!"

Pearl scanned her brain, trying to think of someway to fix this. Steven was already so upset with her.

"Oh, um, Spinel..." Pearl began with a soft, forcefully cheerful voice.

"Perhaps you and Lars would like to have a slumber party here tonight?"

"What?!" Lars demanded as his voice got a little higher.

"Oooooh, what's that? Is it fun?" Spinel asked, bouncing lightly in place.

"So much fun," pearl replied. Spinel may have lost her memories, but Pearl still knew how to handle her. After all, it was her job to do so when they first met. "You will get to stay here with Lars and all of other friends."

Spinel clapped her hands excitedly, "yaaaay! That sounds great! What do you think, Lars?" Asked Spinel as she hugged his arm.

Lars and Steven both looked down at her hands as they held onto Lars' arm.

"I don't like this," stated the two boys with a frown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the thing, a jealous Steven gives me life fuel. I also almost changed my story entirely because a reader predicted the rejuvenation thing. So I almost didn't post this chapter and was going to think of a new plot, but in the end, I was like, F**k it, I still wanna go with my original concept. lol


	11. A Single Step Forward

Everyone had stayed up all night looking for Spinel and when they found her, she had erased her former self, no longer remembering her past with the Crystal Gems and Steven. While this was upsetting, most were glad at the prospect of Spinel regaining her memories, since that seemed to be a possibility.

However, for Steven, Spinels memories couldn't come back fast enough. Lars had given up on the idea of going home to rest and eventually fell asleep on Stevens couch after staying up all night. Steven, refusing to leave Spinel alone with Lars, had fallen asleep sitting against the couch. When he finally woke up, he saw Spinel resting her head on the edge of the couch next to Lars.

A tight grip was felt around his heart. This was going to be difficult. When Spinel looked at him, he could see that she didn't know at all who he was. It hurt. Even though he didn't want to be ungrateful. After all, she did return unharmed after he was so worried that her gem was breaking. Then again, why did Padparadscha use those words in the first place? There must have been a reason.

Lars stirred in his sleep and Spinel opened her eyes with a smile.

She giggled with a sneaky grin and carefully stretched her legs over Lars before sitting on his waist lightly. "Tiiiime to play!" She announced cheerfully, still not understand the sleeping concept even after Pearl tried to tell her that Lars needed rest.

Lars gasped and shot up in alarm, surprised and annoyed to see Spinel sitting in his lap. "...oh yeah." He muttered with a frown.

"Okay, okay," Steven huffed, stomping over to them and grabbing Spinel by the waist to lift her off of Lars. She wasn't the Spinel he knew, but he still didn't want them too close.

Spinel was blissfully unaware of Steven’s irritation and looked down at his as he held her up.

"Do you want to play too? She asked.

"I keep telling you, I don't want to play anything. I need to go and get some work done..." Lars grumbled

"I can help!" Spinel stated eagerly.

Lars remembered all the other times spinel tried to help at the bakery. Her over enthusiasm always caused problems. "Uh, actually, it would help a lot more if you stayed here with Steven." Lars tried.

"Steven?" Spinel repeated. "...but..."

Steven felt that grip on his heart get even tighter. Still, he had known Spinel all his life, couldn't that help a little. "Yeah, we can play a few games while Lars is working." He suggested, placing Spinel down.

Spinel glanced over at Lars, clearly disappointed. Spinel’s were meant to stay with their friends. "Well, if that's what will make you happy..." she relented.

"Yes, that would make me very happy!" Lars exclaimed. "In fact, what would also make me happy, is if you stayed here with Steven for a couple of days!" He attempted, hoping he had found the magic words to make her do what he wanted.

"Cause I have, uh...a lot of work to do. So this is where you have to stay while I do that."

"Oh! So this is where you'll come to play with me?" Asked Spinel cheerfully.

"Yep! Whenever I want to play, I'll come here. So you should wait here until then." Lars said with a nervous smile. He just wanted some peace and even if he had one of the off colors watch Spinel, he knew it would still be a mess. It was especially hectic when Spinel and Padparadscha were alone together.

"Okay!" Spinel agreed, stretching her arms to coil them around Lars once again, hugging him affectionately.

"Lars, I said stop **touching** her!" Steven insisted with a frown, grabbing Spinels waist again to try and pull her off of him.

"And I said **I** ain't the one doing the touching!" Lars groaned back. "Spinel, let go!"

Spinel unraveled her arms at once, causing Steven to fall backward with Spinel in his arms.

"Okay, well—-see ya later!" Lars called out, deciding to get out of there as quickly as he could. He wouldn't be baking anything today, but at least he could get some rest and be fresh for tomorrow.

Spinel was still waving goodbye when Lars at left.

Steven watched her, determined to make use of this day and try to remind Spinel of everything she had forgotten. Standing up, he pat himself down and took a deep breath. Being around Spinel when she didn’t know home was a little hard, but had to endure it if he wanted **his** Spinel back.   
“So Spinel, do you want to play a game?”

“You bet I do! What are we gonna play?!” Spinel exclaimed happily.

“We’re going to play a sort of…scavenger hunt,” Steven explained, “a game where you try and find the things that I describe.”

“Ooooooh, that sounds like fun. I bet Lars would like that game too! When he comes back, we can show him how to play!”

Steven frowned. Was Lars all she could think about now? It really irked him and though it was irrational, it made him a little mad at Lars.   
“Um…sure. Now, come on, let’s go and start the game.” Steven took Spinel’s hand and led her up the stairs to his room. It was where Spinel spent most of her time, so maybe something there would jog her memory? “Does anything in here look familiar?” asked Steven.

To Steven’s dismay, Spinel let go of his hand, strolling around the room slowly.   
“Hmmmmm…maybe…this?!” Spinel announced as she scooped up the gift Steven had left on his bed.

“That’s right,” he replied, stepping up to her as she handed him the present. “Do you want to see what’s inside?”

Spinel nodded and Steven sat himself down at the edge of the bed. Honestly, he was still a little afraid to open the package. For some reason, this gift seemed like it would the final nail in the coffin. Untying the ribbon, he carefully removed the wrapping and opened the box. There was a bunch of shattered glass inside, no doubt from when Connie fell on it. The glass looked as though it was meant to be a display box before it was broken. Beneath the shattered glass was a Gem, but clearly not one that had been alive. Spinel must have gathered the mineral of spinel all on her own and cut the gem in the shape of a heart. It looked almost identical to Spinel’s gem. Steven could just imagine Spinel in her room, working on her gift and getting annoyed when she made a mistake. He was sure Pearl helped her with some of it. Also in the box, was a flower crown that had been perfectly preserved. He was a little confused until he remembered that he made her a flower crown almost every year when he was younger. They would always find some field and they would race to see who could make one faster.

“What a nice gift, you have a good friend.” Spinel commented as she stared down at the gift.

Steven glanced up at Spinel’s face and felt tears burn at the edge of his eyes. She didn’t remember those things. She didn’t even look the same.   
“Yeah…” he muttered softly, looking back down at the gift. “…she cared a lot about me...” Steven wiped his eyes and placed the box back down on the bed. He would have fixed it, but maybe waiting for Spinel to get better would make it a more cheerful gift.

Spinel noticed his tears and leaned down to meet his eyes, “Hey, don’t be sad…” she pleaded quietly. For some reason, seeing Steven like this made her chest sting. Reaching over on reflex, Spinel placed her hand against his cheek. Not that she remembered, but she often did this when he was upset.   
Steven was surprised, but if anything it just made him feel worse. Even with her hand against his skin, when he looked into her eyes there was no affection. Not really. Spinel’s eyes were always filled with emotion, while this version just seemed cheerful no matter what happened. He swallowed back some tears and took a breath, taking her hand gently from his face.   
“I know you don’t remember me…” Steven’s voice trailed off, holding her hand tenderly in his. “And even if I tell you all the things I want to, it would just confuse you.”

It felt as if the faint sting in her chest grew larger. She felt the warmth of his hand and though Spinel didn’t know why, she didn’t want him to let go. “Y…you can tell me anything you like.” She answered, still trying to cheer him up and attempting to disregard the strange feeling in her chest. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say, but it felt right to simply speak with him.

Steven sighed and shook his head. He didn’t want to overwhelm her. “We have all day. Besides, there is somewhere we should go that I think will help.”   
He stood from the bed; keeping her hand in his as he led her back down the stairs and towards the temple. Now that he knew about the garden, that was probably the best place for her right now. After all, she lived a long time before she ever met him. She needed to remember his mother too, right?   
Spinel didn’t say a word as she allowed Steven to lead her through his large pink bedroom, looking around curiously even as he requested the door to the garden. When they walked into the tranquil oasis, Spinel took a deep breath, feeling as if something was warming up inside of her, her gem beginning to glow a soft pink light.

“I remember this place…” she breathed with a smile, “…in here…I played with my friend until…” her voice trailed off and the smile slowly faded from her face.

“Until…?” Steven asked hopefully. Was she really started to remember? Even if it wasn’t him, it was something.

Spinel felt a sharp pain in her chest, as if someone was trying to rip out her gem. She could see figures in her head, they didn’t have any faces, but the clearer the images tried to become, the more she hurt. If it hurt this much, she didn’t want to remember. “NO!” Spinel shouted defiantly, placing both hands over her gem.

“Spinel?! What’s wrong?”

“I-I want my friend!” Spinel shouted in panic. “Please, just take me back to find Lars?” Spinel pleaded, turning to Steven almost in tears.

As much as it hurt him to hear her asking for someone else, it hurt him even more to see her like this. She used to do this when she got upset in the past. She’d ask for him so that she could calm down. It appeared that emotional instability was still present.   
“…Okay. Let’s go find Lars.” Steven agreed, taking her hand again to lead her out.

He certainly dragged his feet in getting there, but when they made it to Lars’ house and the pink hued boy answered the door, Spinel immediately let go of Steven’s hand and wrapped her arms around Lars’ waist. Lars would have been annoyed at her again if he didn’t see her sad expression as she attempted to bury her face against his chest.

“Wha…what happened?” Lars asked Steven, too embarrassed to return her embrace. It also didn’t help that Steven was glaring daggers at him and he was worried the gentle boy might snap if he actually tried to comfort her.

“I think I pushed her too far. It was probably too much at once…” Steven replied evenly, glancing away from Lars so he wouldn’t have to see Spinel holding onto him so desperately. He hated this painful feeling. Was this how Spinel felt every time he was with Connie?   
“…so she asked me to bring her back to you. Only for a second though!” Steven finished quickly. “She’s not staying here.”

Lars hated being in the middle like this and he was surprised that Steven seemed so jealous. He thought Steven and Spinel were just friends, but the way it looked like Steven wanted to slug him, made him think different.   
“Um, Spinel, are you feeling better now?” Lars asked, carefully keeping his arms up and away from her body, but patting her hand very lightly with a flat palm.

Spinel pulled back with a sniffle, but she nodded her head before wiping her eyes.   
“mmhm….” She hummed quietly. “…but can’t I stay here with you for a while?”

Lars glanced over at Steven’s anxious expression and he shook his head. “S-sorry, Spinel, you have to stay with Steven and the others.” He actually found this a little difficult. Like this, she short of reminded him of Padparadscha. An innocent gem that needed special care, whom he’d come to see as something of a little sister. “But hey, I’ll come around later today so that we can uh…play a game.” He finished awkwardly, unable to completely reject her. It just made him feel too guilty and even if he really didn’t want this kind of trouble, he couldn’t be that cold.

Spinel smiled finally and her eyes brightened. “Yay,” she exclaimed jumping into his arms and knocking Lars down onto his back, her arms around his neck and snuggling with him.

Seeing Spinel lying on top of Lars, no matter how innocent it was, the ground beneath Steven cracked a little and Lars could swear felt a slight tremor. Panicking, Lars tried to push her off, “S-Spinel, get off’a me!”   
However, before Spinel get the chance, she felt Steven’s arms wrap around her waist again. He hugged her close as he pulled her away from Lars with a low growl. The thought of Lars, or **anyone** touching Spinel as he had touched her, it made his blood boil. This was not a pleasant feeling.

Spinel blushed lightly as Steven hugged her close to his chest while he and Lars argued a little. She could hear Steven’s heartbeat against her ear and somehow, it was rather soothing. Closing her eyes with a gentle smile, Spinel let the soft sound drown out the bickering and that warm feeling inside her chest was back again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I just imagine Pink Steven when the ground cracked. That was all that was in my brain.


	12. It Hurts too Much

Steven was sitting outside his front door on the porch, his feet hanging off the edge as he looked up at the sky.

“Steven,” Connie called out from below, carrying a few books in hand.

Though he was usually happy to see Connie, Steven waved back halfheartedly.   
Connie tried to smile sympathetically as she climbed the stairs. “Spinel still doesn’t remember anything?”

Steven shook his head and thumbed towards the open front door, pointing Connie towards the scene of Spinel sitting on the couch with an uncomfortable and bored Lars while Pearl basically reenacted the rebellion for Spinel, trying to jog her memory. Connie sighed, setting her books down beside him before sitting down. She had stayed away, worried that Spinel might react poorly to her in the state she was in and Connie figured Steven didn’t want to over stress the gem right now, but she was getting worried. “I know a Gems mind doesn’t work the same, but I brought some books on Memory that I thought might be able to help.”

Steven glanced down at the books, grateful for them, but too drained emotionally for them to lift his spirits.   
“…thanks, Connie,” he replied quietly looking back into the house. “Nothing seems to be working. The only thing that helps is taking her to this garden she used to play in with my mother, but when I did, she broke down and started crying. I don’t want that…”

“Well…I know it might be hard…but maybe…you need to let her be upset? Strong feelings can re-trigger a memory and if they are painful enough, the brain may try to block it out, but if that’s what it takes to get Spinel back…you may just have to let her feel those things.”

“…maybe.” He certainly didn’t want this to be painful for Spinel, but it was painful for him too. Having her here so close and yet unable to say what he wanted to say, unable to touch her, it was too much to take. It was as if she were truly gone.

“Steven, I know this might not be the right time…but…I have been meaning to ask you something…” Connie hesitated, trying to think of a way to phrase it. “…Do you…**like **Spinel?” she asked finally.

Steven’s heart jumped. Why would she ask something like that right now?!   
C-Connie…I don’t think now is—“

“—then when? You don’t think I haven’t noticed? I mean, you’re kind to everyone…but Spinel seemed…special somehow. It took me a while to be honest, but over the last couple of weeks…”

“Weeks?” Steven repeated in shock. **He** didn’t even realize how he felt until a couple of days ago.

“Yeah. …I wasn’t sure if even you were aware of it and it seemed like you weren’t so…I didn’t mention it, but I guess…you are now?” From his reaction to her, it was clear that he had finally realized. Connie felt a little relieved actually. In truth, she felt guilty for not bringing it up, but she was afraid that if she brought it to Steven’s attention, he would choose Spinel. It took her a while to sort through those selfish feelings. “…I still wanted to get along with Spinel, but I guess by denying it, I just made things worse. I wanted to keep you for myself…but…I know that it’s not up to me. I’m sorry it took me so long to be more mature about this, but I’m still a kid too you know.” Connie added with a smile, tears gripping at the corner of her eyes. As much as she wanted to be brave and allow Steven make whatever choice he saw fit, she couldn’t help how she felt. It hurt, but more than anything, she wanted Steven to be happy. She was sure that Spinel felt the exact same way. “…and I want you to know…that no matter what happens…we’ll always be Jam Buds, because I will always be a part of your universe.”

Steven listened to Connie, a lump forming in his throat as tears burned his eyes. Everything he had been afraid to talk about, everything he had been afraid **of**, she addressed it all so smoothly. A big part of him was afraid that if he did decide to be with Spinel, Connie wouldn’t want to be around anymore. He didn’t want to lose one of his best friends. Still, it seemed Connie had been dealing with all this for a lot longer than he had, struggling with these feelings alone. It made him feel awful.   
“Connie…” he choked out, “I don’t know…”

Connie shook her head with a smile. “You don’t have to know right now. …I just wanted to make it clear that…everything would be okay…no matter what.” It was true, no matter what happened, Connie wanted all this to be done openly and honestly. It’s how they had always done things and it was the best way for it to end so they could be friends if it did end. 

Steven wiped his eyes of the tears, smiling at Connie despite how painful this was. “Thank you.”

Connie stood up now and headed back for the stairs. “I have to get back home. I came over on a school night and it’s getting late. Call me if you need anything else or if the books help.”

Steven was sure that Connie was trying to rush out of here, but wasn’t about to embarrass her by pointing it out. Instead, he nodded and waved goodbye as she hurried off.   
Once she had turned the corner, Steven was sure she’d be crying. She had said a great deal that made it sound like she was okay with everything, but like she said, they were still just kids. Neither of them could handle this as well as they wanted to. Steven grabbed the books and stood up as well, heading into the house. This was all just a little too much for him. Connie had every right to talk to him about this, but why did it have to be now, when he was already so emotionally drained.

He couldn’t, nor did he want to stop the tears. Letting them flow freely down his cheeks, Steven didn’t stop to greet anyone when he got into the house, simply walking up the stairs and back to his bed, laying himself down on the comforter and placing the books on the floor.

Spinel and the others had seen Steven enter in tears, but on reflex, Spinel reacted first, jumping from the couch and rushing up the stairs. Lars and Pearl smiled, a little relieved that she was still showing signs of the old Spinel.

Once she was up in his room, she saw Steven lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, simply letting his tears flow sideways down his face.   
“…Steven? Is there anything I can do?” she asked, stepping closer to the side of his bed.

Steven glanced her way, but didn’t say a word. Instead, he reached out his hand for her. Spinel looked down at his hand and though she wasn’t sure what he wanted at first, but she placed her hand in his. The moment she did, Steven pulled her down onto the bed with him, turning to his side and hugging her close. Spinel let out a small, hushed gasp, blushing deeply as he held her against his chest. She might have pulled away had it not been for the familiar and calming sound of his heartbeat. Instead of being embarrassed, Spinel closed her eyes allowed herself to rest against his heart. Steven held her tight, afraid to let go. As if she would truly be out of reach once she was out of his arms. With everything that was going on, it was like every moment of it was chipping away at him bit by bit and he wasn’t sure how much more he could handle without Spinel back.   
Even if it wasn’t **his **Spinel, it was nice to have her with him like this.

“Why did you do this…?” Steven asked in a whisper, “Why did you leave me like this? You must have known how much I’d miss you. …how much this would hurt. Did you think it was going to be okay because I still had Connie? Did you really think so little of me…that I would just forget you and move on like nothing happened?” He was already letting his tears flood out, why not go for broke?

Spinel was confused at first, but the more he went on, tears began to well up in her eyes. It hurt. This hurt. Why did this hurt? “St-Steven…” Spinel began, a little afraid that she pain was going to get worse like last time.

“Well I’m not moving on, so that sort of backfired on you…and I’m not okay. …So just come back to me. …I need you…” Steven said softly before leaning back and planting a kiss on her forehead.

Spinel began to openly sob now, placing her hands over her Gem once again as if someone were trying to rip it from her body. “Pl-please…” she pleaded through her tears, “don’t say that. It hurts!”

Steven wiped his eyes and rolled over on the bed, pinning Spinel down beneath him by holding her hands above her head on the blanket. “You think I’m not hurting?” he replied staring down at Spinel as she stared back into his eyes, surprised and confused, almost scared of what he was going to say. As if his words would break her. “Every time I look at you, I’m reminded that the Spinel I knew is no longer there and I have to sit back and watch while you cling to someone else. You’re still here…but you’re not here and it’s driving me crazy.” Steven admitted.

Spinel could only stare up at him, feeling a sharp and terrible pain in her chest, but it wasn’t the same as before. It was a more bittersweet kind of pain. Even if everything he said didn’t make complete sense, she replied without thinking. “I’m right here…” she whispered, making no attempt to free her hands from his.

Honestly, Steven knew this wasn’t the right time, but there was so much going on right now and his emotions were a little raw. This made for impulse decisions just like this. Without saying another word, Steven leaned down and captured his lips with his own. Spinel’s gasp was slightly muffled by the kiss, but the shock lasted only a moment. The pain in her chest drifted away and her mind went blank, returning his kiss without a second thought. When Spinel didn’t immediately refuse him, Steven was encouraged to continue, eager to taste her once again. There was no hesitation this time, parting her lips with his tongue, he deepened the kiss tenderly.

Spinel had completely lost herself, her breath melting into the kiss as her tongue danced with his slowly. There wasn’t even a moment where she questioned this. It felt natural somehow. Even if it wasn’t, she’d question that later, something in her would not let go of this moment.   
Steven indulged his desires a little longer, unwilling to break away from the sweet taste of her kiss. However, unlike Spinel, he was forced to pull back for a breath, keeping his eyes on her as his heart pounded against his chest. She wasn’t turning away from him and she didn’t seem to hate it. Did she remember this somehow?   
“You can tell me to stop…” Steven breathed, running one of his hands down along her arm, tracing her side until he reached her waist.

Spinel stared back at him, feeling a shiver run up her back as his fingers grazed down her side. She blushed a bit deeper, embarrassed to admit that she didn’t want to tell him anything. She wasn’t sure why. These feelings should have been new, but instead, they didn’t confuse her. He said that he needed her, maybe she needed him too.   
Spinel didn’t say anything; instead, she laced her fingers with his as his left hand still held hers. Steven didn’t need much more than that. His hand left her waist, slowly sliding his touch along her hip and down her thigh, leaning down to kiss her neck hungrily. He loved the taste of her skin, unsure how it could possibly be so sweet.

“St-Steven…” Spinel breathed out, using her free hand to pat his shoulder lightly, as if trying to get his attention.

Steven lifted his head, slightly frustrated, “you didn’t tell me—“

Spinel looked horribly embarrassed and covered her face with her hand, using the other to point towards the stairs. Steven took a deep breath and internally cursed. Somehow, he knew what she was pointing at and he felt like he was going to snap if he actually looked back and saw her face.

“…What do you want, Pearl?” Steven asked aloud, refusing to move. He just couldn’t catch a break.

Pearl flinched, “I-I didn’t mean to—I was—I needed to tell you something and Amethyst told me to—this was **her **idea.” She stammered nervously, unsure how to approach this. She was so shocked by what she saw that she was stunned to silence and too embarrassed to speak up. She was actually about to duck away before Spinel spotted her.   
“W-We need Spinel to come down. Amethyst said she found something to jog her memory…” Pearl said finally. There was no coming back from anyway.

Spinel stared up at Steven, his cheeks completely red, surely just like hers.   
“Ah…should I…?”

With a long and miserable sigh, Steven nodded a little. “Yeah. …I’ll be down in…when I can.” He answered.

Spinel nodded in return and slipped out from beneath him, a little reluctant to go, but too embarrassed to stay now that they’d been seen. She offered Pearl an awkward smile before rushing down stairs, followed swiftly by Pearl.

Steven took a few minutes to calm himself down once she was gone. Now that he had a clearer head, he decided it was better they were stopped. Holding her like that again…it would be better when she remembered him. Still, it sure **felt** like she remembered him. The way she kissed him, it felt exactly the same as before. Once he felt ready, Steven collected himself and made his way down the stairs, noting the wink Amethyst aimed his way. Of course she would find a way to tease him about this. It would be a little funny if he weren’t so tired.

“So what did you find?” Steven asked, unable to hide the blush across his cheeks.

Amethyst pulled Spinel’s large wooden chest from behind the kitchen counter and smiled.   
“She kept everything that was important to her in here. If this doesn’t help, nothing will.”

“…So…we just go through it with her and hopefully something in there will bring her back,” Pearl agreed with a hopeful smile.

“No.” Steven said quietly. “We’ve been too soft about this. …Connie said there might be something she doesn’t want to remember, which means Spinel is actually fighting against getting her memory back. …We can bring the chest into the garden and we’ll do it there.”

“But last time—“ Pearl tried, concerned about Spinel being pushed too far.

“—yeah, it was bad, but it was the only thing that yielded any results. We have to try harder if we want our Spinel back. …It’s not going to be fun, but it’s what we have to do.”

They all looked back at Spinel. In the end, none of this would happen if she didn’t agree. It’s not like any of them wanted to force her in there. The pink gem seemed a little scared. She didn’t like that room and Steven was right, there was something her memory was fighting, she could feel it. Especially when she was Steven, Spinel felt this pain as if something was bubbling to the surface and she was afraid of it. Still, when her eyes rested on Steven, she could see the affection and the pain he mentioned. That hurt her too. Taking a deep breath, Spinel steeled herself mentally and with determined look in her eyes, she nodded her head.   
“Okay. …Let’s try it,” she replied, trying to appear brave. 


	13. The Breaking Point

Steven led Spinel by the hand once again through his room in the Temple, towards the Garden. Amethyst Lars stayed behind, thinking it was best and that only Pearl and Steven were a part of this. Lars was actually quite relieved not to be involved in such a heavy situation, but Amethyst seemed a bit anxious. Three of her friends were about to attempt something that was bound to be emotionally jarring for all them. Had she made the wrong choice not to follow after them?

Once they had reached the Garden, Spinel already felt uncomfortable. She didn’t like it here. What had happened in this place that made her so scared to remember? Still, she had made the choice to go through with this. Whatever she was afraid to recall, she would try her best to work through it. After all, Steven and Pearl seemed so sad that she couldn’t remember. They must have been very important to her, right? Steven let go of Spinel’s hand and went over to help Pearl with the chest, opening it up and starting to search through it, hoping to find the things that would work best. Spinel’s eyes couldn’t help but follow after Steven, watching silently as he and Pearl spoke about what to do first. Steven could feel her eyes on him and looked over his shoulder to make sure she was okay. However, the moment their eyes met, Spinel flinched, quickly looking away with a blush. She just couldn’t seem to look at him without feeling a sort fluttering in her chest. It didn’t hurt, but it was a little alarming.

“A lot of the stuff in here are gifts from me…or stuff I made as a kid,” Steven commented when he turned back to the chest, grinning slightly over Spinel’s reaction to him.

“Yes. She’s kept a lot of random things. …Oh, look, she kept that little outfit you wore on home world when you dressed as Pink.” Pearl announced with a delighted nostalgia. “It’s so little…”

Steven blushed and grabbed the outfit. Why would she keep that? It wasn’t a pleasant trip to Home world after all. “Why don’t we just have her go through the chest herself? Anything in here would probably help.”

Pearl nodded, just hoping it wasn’t too much at once. Though Steven wanted to force this as Connie suggested, she just wasn’t sure Spinel could handle it. She wanted to protect her, but she had agreed to try this in order to get her friend back.

“Spinel…come look at this.” Steven said as he knelt next to the large chest, waiting patiently for Spinel to slowly make her way over to examine its contents as well.

Spinel did as she was told and began looking through everything. There was some random rubble that she started to recall was from the rebellion. Apparently, Spinel had collected pieces of structures that had been destroyed. There was even a piece from one of the legs of Pinks abandoned Palanquin. She could remember Pink. The Diamond she had been assigned to, her very first best friend. She could even recall meeting Pearl for the first time and the gems reaction to her constant jokes. Though Pearl seemed less than amused, she always did her best to help Spinel with anything she needed while Pink was on earth.

The memories began to flood back almost effortlessly after that, but once they reached a certain point, all she could see was this image of herself, distorted and broken. She saw an image of Pink standing over her, upset and disappointed with Pearl at her side, looking rather displeased herself. Steven was there too, Pearls hand at his shoulder as they all looked down at her.

“You’re not good enough,” Pink said simply, her voice sounding like a muffled recording.

“Look what you’ve become,” Pearl added, her voice a bit clearer, though it sounded like she was speaking through a thick glass. 

Steven didn’t seem to say anything, he simply looked down at her as if he didn’t recognize her and all at once, Spinel hunched over to grip at her Gem once again. Steven and Pearl reacted at once and gathered around her, both kneeling down to keep close.

“Steven, it looks like she’s in pain…” Pearl observed with an anxious look on her face.

“It will be fine, we have to let her remember…” he stated firmly, but finding it difficult to watch.

“I-I don’t want to remember!” Spinel cried out now, her tears gushing from her eyes without abandon. It hurt so much. Why? How could a memory be so painful?

“Spinel, please, it’s going to be okay,” Pearl pleaded, gripping Spinel’s shoulders. “look at me, just try and focus on me.”

Spinel lifted her heard to make out Pearls face through her tears, but instead of helping to ease the pain, she gasped out as if someone had just smashed something against her gem. Her body began to glow and it made Pearl and Steven a bit hopeful. Perhaps she was reforming back to her usual self, but Spinel appeared to be fighting it and they each heard an audible **_crack._** Panicking, the two focused on her Gem, noting the small splinter in Spinels Gem.

“Steven!!” Pearl shouted in alarm.

Steven quickly licked his hand, but before he could place it over the Gem, it turned upside down and Spinel was nearly back to normal, though tears were still streaming down her face and her body was glitching out, just like Amethyst had done when her Gem was broken.

“Wh-Why?!” Spinel demanded through her sobs, clutching at her gem with one hand. “I wa-wanted to—forget!”

“Spinel! Spinel move your hand, I can help you!” Steven shouted desperately.

“You can’t!” Spinel shouted back. “It started breaking on—on its own!”

“Just **MOVE!**” Steven demanded, forcing her hand away and placing his over her gem. Though he watched anxiously, nothing happened. Instead, another fracture appeared adding to the crack and looking as if it was going to split her gem.

“S-Spinel,” exclaimed Pearl as she brought her hands to cover her mouth, “What is happening?!”

Spinel smiled sadly, “I-it’s like you said—I’m already….—b-broken…”

Pearl gasped and clenched her fists at her side now as she shouted, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I was wrong! Spinel, you’re not broken! I was just worried! I wanted to protect you from anything else that might make you sad, but I was wrong!”

“Come on, come on,” Steven choked out, trying over and over again to fix her gem before the splinter got any bigger. This wasn’t fair; they were so close to getting her back. Why was this happening?! Padparadscha had said that Spinel was breaking before. Was this what she meant? Did Spinel poof herself to prevent from shattering? Had they sealed her fate in their selfish attempt to get the Spinel they loved back?!   
“Come **_ON_**, “ Steven shouted, frustrated and devastated, warm tears pilled from his eyes, blurring his vision as he tried to keep his focus on Spinel’s face. He held her now, letting her glitching form rest on his knees as he attempted to fix her.

“St-Steven…-y-you can stop.” Spinel said as her voice broke along with each disruption of her form.

“**NO! **Don’t tell me to stop!” Steven shouted through his tears. “I **LOVE** you! You can’t leave me like this! There **HAS **to be something I can do! There has to be a way to fix this!! I just got you back! You can’t leave me again! PLEASE!” Steven could barely focus through his tears now; he grabbed Spinel and pulled her up to hug her tight against his chest.

Spinel blushed as Steven cried, her own tears wetting his shirt as he held her. There it was again, the warmth of his body and the sweet sound of heartbeat. Even as her body struggled to keep its form, Spinel couldn’t help feel a sense of calm from his embrace. Still, why did nothing ever seem to go her way? When she decided to run away from Steven and the others, her Gem had begun to crack without provocation, before it could completely split, Spinel poofed herself to preserve herself. After all, leaving was one thing, but she couldn’t let herself shatter and hurt her friends like that. She didn’t want them to find her pieces and despair. However, it seemed even as her old self, she couldn’t keep herself away from Steven and she didn’t expect that Steven and especially Pearl would try so hard to bring her back.   
Her Gem was still cracking, for what reason, she did not know, but it wasn’t so bad to leave in the arms of someone you loved. Even if she didn’t like hearing Steven and Pearl cry like this, it was nice not to be alone in the end.   
“I love you both…too…” Spinel whispered against Steven’s chest, returning his embrace as best she could and closing her eyes to listen once more to pounding of his heart.


	14. I Wont Let Go

Pearl could only watch in horror as Steven clung to Spinel, whose gem was still slowly splintering. Her mind was racing, trying to think of anything that might help this. Steven was still begging Spinel not to go through his tears while Pearl went back to the chest and searched it frantically. Maybe there was another rejuvenator in there. Maybe they could poof her again until they figured out what to do about this. Figure out why her Gem was cracking like this. It was hard to see through her panicked tears, but there was nothing of the sort inside the chest and Amethyst had broken the Rejuvenator they found before.  
Pearl suddenly shot up, “K-Keep her going,” she shouted with frantic breaths, “Roses fountain! I’m going to get the water from her fountain! I—I—I’ll be back as quickly as I can!!” Pearl dashed from the room as fast as she could. If Steven couldn’t heal her Gem, this was the last option they had and she wasn’t just about to let Spinel shatter without doing everything she could.

Left alone in the Garden, Steven held Spinel tight against his chest. He too was trying to think of something, anything, to help Spinel. Part of him hoped that if he held her tight enough, it would keep her Gem together somehow. They didn’t even know why it was breaking like this and his healing powers were useless. What was the point of them if he couldn’t save her? He’d helped so many other people, why couldn’t he help **her**?

“Please…” Steven sobbed, “…why isn’t it working?!” He had heard Pearl leave and though he hoped the fountain water would work where he failed, he was scared that they wouldn’t have enough time. Pulling Spinel back, he tried again to heal her Gem. Maybe it wasn’t working because he was too upset. His power often fluctuated with his emotions after all. He took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm down, but when he looked down at Spinel’s face and her splintering gem, he couldn’t stop the tears or the panic that completely engulfed him.

“S-st-Steven. …Don’t—“ Spinel pleaded with a forced smile, unable to stop her own tears, but she wished she could stop his. After all, Spinel lived for his smile. It would be nice to see it in the end.

“Don’t **what**?!” Steven choked out, his right hand pressing against her Gem. “If I knew this was going to happen…I would have left you without your memories and just made you fall in love with me all over again…” he whispered through his tears.

Spinel placed her hand over his, “I think…that’s why…--th-this—ha—happened…”

“What do you mean?” asked Steven asked, unwilling to look away from her face, even if it continued to glitch in and out, every moment he could look into her eyes, he wanted to make sure he didn’t miss it.

“I think—I—think I—loved you too much. Thinking I couldn’t be with you---it—I think it broke---broke what was already broken.”  
She wasn’t sure Steven would understand what she meant, but speaking made it even more difficult to keep her form steady. She didn’t want Steven to think this was his fault. It wasn’t. How could it have been? Still, maybe her Gem was breaking because she loved him. Didn’t humans often use that phrase? _‘Dying of a broken heart.’_

“Then stop loving me,” pleaded Steven, “If it will fix this, I’ll do anything. I’ll love you enough for the both of us.”

“D-Don’t worry. I—I—I know you have always loved us—“

“Not like that!” Steven shouted, shaking his head, “Not like Garnet, Amethyst, or Pearl! You were never broken! …Loving someone you already care about…it just means that our friendship is stronger than anyone else’s. …I **love** you. You can’t leave me before I get the chance to tell you that more and more.”

Spinel gasped lightly, happy to hear that Steven loved her like she loved him. It even made her Gem glow a warm light, but it didn’t stop the fracturing. He’d told her he loved her all his life, but he just made it clear that this love wasn’t the same. She was over the moon to know this, it was just bad timing. If anything, it made her feel like her Gem was breaking even more. He loved her…and this was how they had to part?

“Spinel…p-please…I don’t know what to do…” Steven sobbed, taking his hand from her gem so that he could lean down and kiss it, his tears spilling over her gem and slipping into the cracks. Who could he ask for help? Who could he bargain with to keep her by his side? All he could do was to try as many times as possible to heal, praying to anyone that the next attempt would be the one to work. If just one worked just once, it would be worth it to try 100 times.

Until now, Spinel could think of nothing else but to accept this. She thought that if she had to shatter, being in Steven’s arms at the end would be the best way to do that. At least then she could see his face and feel his warmth one last time, but now, how could she possibly be okay with this? The worse her gem got, the closer she came to actually shattering, the more frightened she became. Would she really not ever get to feel this warmth again? She wanted to tell him she loved him too. More and more. She wanted to hear **him **say it more and more. “I—I don’t—know what to do either…” Spinel finally sobbed. All she knew was that she didn’t want Steven to let her go.

As Steven kissed her gem, the warm glow from it began to slowly heat up and get brighter. Steven pulled back, staring down with his bloodshot eyes, the light starting to hurt his eyes. Was she shattering? He’d never seen a Gem shatter before.  
It was enough for him to panic, “Sp—“

“—Steven! I got the water!!” Pearl shouted desperately as she ran into the room with a large pale filled with pink liquid. She didn’t bother questioning the light or waiting for a response, instead, Pearl rushed to their side and poured the entire pale of water over Spinel’s gem. The light didn’t stop, Pearl and Steven both having to cover their eyes until the light faded completely and they were left with Spinel laying there in Steven’s arms, her gem fully healed, but her body completely soaked along with Steven’s lap.

All three of them were silent, each one afraid to speak, as if breaking the silence would ruin what had just happened. Pearl and Steven’s tears hadn’t stopped, but Spinel was no longer crying. At least, not until she looked down at her gem and then back up at Steven.

Tears welled in her eyes once again. She was okay. Her gem was shining like new. Whether it was the water or her finally fighting it, she didn’t know and it didn’t matter.  
“Steven…Pearl…” Spinel began, finally breaking the careful silence. “I’m okay!”

Without any words, Steven and Pearl began to sob once again, both tackling Spinel and hugging her close. Each one so happy they practically laughed through their tears. Even though she was fine, it took a while for them to let her go. They had been so desperate and so scared; it was in fact a long while before any of them calmed down. After what felt like hours, the tears finally subsided and all three of them had separated, if only just a little. Steven was still had a hand around Spinel’s waist, simply refusing to let her go completely. A pleasant smile had returned to Pearls face as she sat on the ground with them. Reaching over, she took one of Spinel’s hands.

“Spinel…can you forgive me? …I wanted to protect you…but I’m afraid this mess…was entirely my fault. I didn’t mean to make you think you were wrong…or broken. I just…when you changed the first time…I…worried that you might—“ as Pearl apologized, Spinel raised her free hand to stop her.

“You didn’t cause this. I always felt…broken. I hated looking at myself and seeing what I’d changed into and it made me worry that you all saw me as broken as well. …but…now…” Spinel trailed off, glancing at Steven with a smile. She didn’t say it aloud, but when her gem got fixed, she probably could have changed back to her old appearance, but instead, Spinel decided to stay like this. After all, this was the appearance that Steven had fallen in love with. If Steven could love her like this, this form couldn’t be as distorted as she thought, right?

“You were always perfect,” Steven insisted, leaning in to plant several cheerful kisses along her cheek, overjoyed that she was still here in his arms.

Spinel blushed and Pearl glanced away awkwardly before clearing her throat a bit.  
“And I-I’m glad you two are…affectionate with one another, but we should probably discuss some ground rules. After all, you are both quite young and haven’t been through—“

“—seriously?” Steven interrupted. “Is this really the time?”

Pearl sighed heavily, but she smiled anyway. “Okay. We can talk about it later,” she relented, just grateful this all worked out.

“…but uh, Pearl?” Steven started, a little embarrassed, “…I’m sorry about all the things I said before. I was…upset.”

Pearl didn’t want to bring it up, but it had been weighing on her mind. She hated thinking that Steven was upset with her or blamed her.  
“I’m sorry too. I was scared…so I said things without thinking. ...come on, we should go out and tell the others that everything is okay. Amethyst is no doubt eating her own hair in worry.” Pearl joked a bit as she got to her feet.

Steven nodded and rose to his feet as well, lifting Spinel up along with him, carrying her bridal style as he turned for the door.

“St-Steven, I’m fixed now, I can walk on my own!” Spinel stammered bashfully as her cheeks began to burn.

“Nope,” Steven replied simply, carrying her out the door and out of the temple, greeted by a shocked and happy Lars and Amethyst.

“She’s okay!” Amethyst shouted happily, slapping Lars on the back in excitement, knocking the pink boy down onto the floor.

Lars groaned, “Why is it, that when good things happen for you guys**, I’m** the one that suffers?”

Amethyst smiled apologetically and helped Lars up by the arm as Steven carried Spinel over to them. Finally letting her down so that she could give Amethyst a hug, Pearl nearly crying again as she watched the happy scene.

Spinel turned to Lars now, a little embarrassed that he had seen her old self and that she had inconvenienced him. She knew that Lars often found her to be a little much.  
“…thank you for finding me…and…for putting up with me so I could find my way back here…”

Lars smiled with a sigh, “I’m just glad you’re okay. Rutile will be glad too. She wasn’t so pleased with all the hugs for some reason.” He was just glad that Sadie was out of town for a concert while this happened. He didn’t want to have to explain it all to her.

“Still, you guys did a lot for me. So…thanks.” Spinel said again, stretching up a bit to kiss his cheek.

Lars’ pink hue got a little deeper around his cheeks when she kissed his skin. Though he wasn’t all that surprised when he felt Steven’s hand on his other cheek, shoving his face away from Spinel with what appeared to be a feigned smile. He was clearly angry.

“Yes, thank you, Lars.” Steven added, happy for his help, but still not over Spinel being so affectionate with him.

Spinel blushed lightly, secretly pleased that Steven was jealous.  
Lars simply chuckled a bit and shrugged it off. After all they went through, this was small beans. He pat Steven’s shoulder, “Don’t overdo it now, Steven. I mean, she stretches, but you might actually break something.” Lars teased before heading for the door, eager to get back to his everyday routine.

It took Steven a moment or two, but when he figured out what Lars meant, his face turned completely red and he stared at the ground quickly. Now thanks to Lars, he had several new images in his head that he would never admit to having aloud.

“Well, we should all get some sleep. It’s been a really stressful day. I mean, I know I’m fried, so you two must be ready to keel over.” Amethyst said with a relieved smile, glancing at Spinel and Steven. More than anything, she was sure they would want to be alone for a little while. They probably had a lot to talk about.  
“What’d you say, Pearl? Fancy a nap for a change? I make a pretty comfy pillow.”

Pearl blushed slightly, “Amethyst!” she huffed.

“Sleep does sound good,” Steven agreed, taking Spinel’s hand and leading her back towards the temple door.

“But Steven, your room is—“ Spinel started.

“Nope. We’re sleeping in the temple tonight,” he replied adamantly.

“Together? Is that a good—“ Pearl tried to protest.

“Yep,” was all Steven said in return as he and Spinel went through his temple door, letting it shut quickly behind them. Finally alone once again, Steven took both of Spinel’s hands in his and pulled her closer to him. “Last time we were in here together, you ran off before I woke up…” he said softly, placing his forehead against hers as she stared up at him with flushed cheeks. “…you can try again if you want, but this time, I’m not letting you go,” finished Steven with a loving smile.


	15. It's Okay To Make Mistakes

Finally alone, Steven was honestly just relieved to have Spinel in once piece. Now that everything had finally calmed down, he felt like he could think clearly again. All the trouble sleeping, the ugly feelings of jealousy, the frustrating impulse decisions, he hoped that was all behind him.

"...Amethyst was right. I'm really tired." Steven sighed heavily. As he spoke, a replica of his bed appeared behind them. When he glanced over his shoulder to see it, he couldn't help but laugh a little.

"Then get some sleep," Spinel said with a smile. "I know I put you through a lot...because of my stupidity."

"You were confused. ...so was I. I sort of...still am. This all happened really fast..." he admitted, leading Spinel to the bed so that they could sit down and relax. "I'm an idiot and a jerk. These last few days...I really haven't felt like myself at all. I hurt you...I hurt Connie...and I even blamed Lars when he was just trying to help. It felt like I was watching myself drive from the backseat, unable to stop myself from crashing into every bad idea."

Spinel sat herself beside Steven, listening in silence as he finally let out everything he had been unable to really think about while all this was happening. Surely they had both made mistakes lately, but part of her worried he considered her, one of those mistakes. Was he regretting the things he said?

"I plan to do this right," Steven continued, "I need to tell Connie everything. I need to thank Lars properly. I need to have a another talk with Pearl. I need to clear the air with everyone. I'll apologize as many times as I have to. I just...hate how irrational I was."

Spinel couldn't help feeling a bit anxious. All he spoke of was his regret about all this. Was she about to be the next person he listed as something he needed to apologize for? "Do you...regret...telling me that you...loved me?" She asked, trying to be brave about this.

Steven turned to face her and immediately felt like he had made another mistake. "What? No! I didn't mean to make it sound—" Steven stopped and took a deep breath before reaching over and placing his hand over Spinels cheek, gently turning her face towards him so that he could look in her eyes. "I may regret how I went about things...but I meant what I said. Please don't ever think I would say something like that on a whim. When I saw your Gem cracking...it was like my Universe was going to shatter too."

Spinel blushed lightly, staring back at Steven with a sweet smile. "...I...guess I was just a little worried that you only said it...because..."

"I said it because it's true," Steven stated before Spinel could finish. "There are so many things that need to be made right before I can move forward properly, and yeah, maybe I said it in that moment because I was afraid to lose you, but that doesn't make it any less true. I...I love you, Spinel." He said again, finding it a little more embarrassing than the last time. Growing up, he would tell the Crystal Gems he loved them all the time, so he understood why Spinel didn't get it at first, but now it meant something entirely different. Now it was a little tougher to say aloud without feeling his cheeks burn.

"I love you too," Spinel replied cheerfully, her gem glowing softly as she smiled. Saying she loved him felt like the most natural thing in the world to Spinel. How could knowing he loved her too, make her anything less than overjoyed?

Steven stared down at Spinels gem, surprised to see such a reaction. Spinel was certainly a unique Gem. Her gem seemed to be linked closely to her emotions just like his own. He removed his hand from her cheek and instead leaned over to plant a gentle kiss over her Gem before pulling back and smiling at her. "Just because I don't like how I've been acting the last few days, doesn't mean I'm not happy hearing that."

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. ...everyone can't expect you to always be the wise and mature one. Pearl says it all the time; you're young. It's okay to make mistakes, Steven. It's okay...not to act like yourself when you're going through something tough."

"Not when it hurts other people," insisted Steven. Annoyed at himself for all the dumb things he'd done over the last few days. "I may be young, but I shouldn't have hurt the people closest to me. I took things out on Pearl too." Steven groaned and ran his hand through his hair before lying on his back.

"I'm supposed to be better than this."

"...well now you sound like me." Spinel teased, laying down beside him so that they could both stare up at the ceiling as they spoke.

"I'm going to fix all this. Then I'll be back to my old self. ...and I can go on with a clear conscious." Steven finished, holding out his hand for Spinel.

The pink Gem smiled a bit and placed her hand in his.

"Everyone has moments where they are less then perfect, Steven. ...but whatever you decide, I'll be right here."

Steven turned his face to look at Spinel, "promise? I'm not going to wake up alone again? Cause I am not above supergluing your hand to mine in order to keep you from running off in the middle of the night."

Spinel shrunk a little, ashamed over her selfish decision to run away. It didn't help anything. It only made things worse.

"...I promise. I...made up my mind that you were better off without me around. ...but that was selfish. I didn't consider your feelings and I'm sorry. ...I hurt everyone because I was...upset and not thinking straight. We both made a lot of mistakes these last few days."

Steven laughed lightly, "I guess we're both just...guilty of emotional, impulse stupidity."

Spinel was just happy to see him smile. She knew most of these dumb decisions he talked about making were because of the crazy ones she had made first. Still, she thought it was silly for Steven to blame himself. He might have not exactly been himself lately, but behaving out of the ordinary for a moment in time didn't mean he was a bad person. It didn't even stack up to all the stupid things she'd done.p

"Are you going to be able to get some sleep? ...I'm sure you could use it. Your eyes look really worn."

"Whose fault do you think that is?" teased Steven, sitting up on the bed to remove his jacket and take off his sandals. "But you can make it up to me tonight."

Spinel blushed deeply, sitting herself up in alarm. "Uh—I—-I...if you want—-"

Steven's eyes went wide and he began to wave his hands in a panic as his cheeks burned. "N-no! Not like that! I-I meant just...just—-that I want you to stay beside me...tonight. That's all."

Spinel froze, her pigtails basically standing on end in her shock. Her entire face turned red and Spinel hid herself beneath the blankets in an attempt to hide. Her pupils were practically spiraling and her whole body felt like it was on fire. If there was any time to shatter, it would be now. If only the room would listen to her for a change and give her a hole to crawl into.

After Steven got over his initial shock from her answer, he found her reaction rather adorable and gently lifted the blankets just enough to peek in on her.

"You know, you can't really stay beside me if you're hiding from me," Steven began, trying to lighten the mood.

Spinel was hunched over, holding her head down as if waiting for a bomb to go off. "Don't look at meeee..." she whimpered.

"Aw, come on," Steven smiled and lifted the blanket a little more, "don't make me come in after you."

Spinel groaned and lifted her head to meet his eyes, still terribly embarrassed. "...fine..." she relented finally, crawling out of the blanket slowly and face planting into a pillow instead.

Steven laughed lightly and dropped his head onto his own pillow to lay beside her, pulling the blanket up to cover them up comfortably. The heat along Spinels cheeks hadn't gone away, but she didn't want to avoid Steven all night. Turning on her side, she decided to risk embarrassment once again.

"...can I...listen to your heart? It helps..."

"Of course," he agreed with a sweet smile, holding out one arm so that she could scoot herself closer to him. Nestling herself at his side, Spinel rested her head against his chest.

This sweet sound, it was the most calming thing she'd experienced in thousands of years.

Spinel hadn't completely sorted things out and neither had Steven. They had both made stupid and selfish mistakes the past couple of days. They'd been emotional and rash, but beneath it all, the only thing that was clear to the both of them, was that they cared for one another. They loved each other and neither felt guilty about it anymore. At least, not in the sense that would cause them to be irrational and self loathing anymore.

They had both wronged people in this confusing and emotional process, but hopefully, Steven was right and they could fix it.

Steven put his arm around Spinel as she listened to his heart and closed his eyes. He was finally starting to feel a bit like himself again. Tomorrow, they would really have to face that things were changing, but for tonight, he could rest and clear his head. There was a lot coming that would surely be upsetting for them both, but for now, he just wanted to hold onto her. After almost losing her, he didn't want to let go. "Goodnight, Spinel," whispered Steven, slowly drifting off.

"Goodnight, Steven," Spinel replied, allowing the beat of his heart to lull her to sleep as well. Even if Steven did end up breaking her heart later on, she decided it would be worth it if it meant she could have moments like these.


	16. Foreboding Feelings

Steven opened his eyes, staring up at a pink ceiling as he remembered the events of last night and glanced beside him. Unfortunately, Spinel was not lying next to him as he expected. Quickly sitting up in bed, Steven looked around until his hand was cut by something sharp beneath the blankets.

He winced a bit and pulled up his hand, moving the blanket to see what had caused the cut. His eyes went wide with horror and his heart all but stopped when he looked down at the shards of Spinel’s gem on the sheets. He felt like he could barely breath as his heart rate increased to a violent speed.

"No. No, no, NO!” He repeated under his breath as he gathered the shards. This was wrong. Spinel didn't shatter. They saved her. Her Gem was cracking yesterday, but she had been healed. He was sure of it. Once he had taken all the shards in his hands, Steven leapt from the bed and out of the room. All the other Crystal Gems were gathered in the living room, whispering about something amongst themselves.

"Guys, Guys! Where's Spinel?!" He asked in a panic, gripping the shards so tight that the sharp edges were digging into his hands.

Pearl turned to Steven, visibly upset. "Steven...you can’t keep holding onto those. Spinel wouldn't want to hurt you..."

"What? What are you talking about," asked Steven, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"I told you we shouldn't have let him keep the shards..." Amethyst sighed sadly.

Tears began to flood down Pearls cheeks as she turned away from Steven. "Not now, Amethyst..." began Pearl as she tried to keep herself from sobbing openly, “I didn't want to bubble her just yet either. She was my..."

"She was important to all of us," added Garnet simply.

"Where is Spinel?!" Demanded Steven again.

Pearl choked out a whimper before covering her face with her hands. Amethyst placed her hand on Pearls back and looked to Garnet for help.

The fusion took a step forward and placed her hand at the top of Stevens head. "Steven, Spinel shattered yesterday."

"No. ...you're wrong," Steven began as he stepped back. "You weren't even there!"

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I got back too late. ...but I'm telling you the truth. After she shattered, you wouldn't let us bubble her and locked yourself in the temple."

Steven was breathing heavily now, scanning his memory for some sign that she was wrong. This had to be wrong. He looked down at the shards in his hands, the glittering pieces laced with his own blood now. This couldn't be Spinel. Though despite his denial, tears gushed from his eyes, dripping down on the shards and washing them of his blood. "No. ...NO!" Steven shouted, his voice echoing through their home and effectively startling the young man awake with a gasp.

Once Steven was actually awake, he quickly sat up in bed and looked beside him, relieved to see a peacefully sleeping Spinel. His heart was still beating rapidly, and his chest still ached from the pain he felt in his nightmare, but he was relieved all the same. However, just to make sure he wasn't still dreaming, Steven reached over, gently running the back of his hand over Spinel’s cheek. This was real. Right?

Catching his breath, Steven laid himself back down, staring up at the pink ceiling in silence. That dream felt so real. Apparently his subconscious wanted to remind him one more time of what he almost lost yesterday. As if he really needed such a frightening reminder.

"Steven...?" Spinel breathed quietly, as she stared sleepily over at the young man who seemed distraught.

Turning to look at her curious eyes, Steven recalled the shards from his dream and without a word; he leaned over and wrapped his arms around her.

"Steven?" Spinel repeated as she was pulled in against his chest. Though she was confused, she couldn't deny being happy when he held her so close. It's just that he looked upset.

"I'm just glad that you're still here..." he whispered in reply.

"I promised you I wouldn't run away again," Spinel said quietly, closing her eyes to enjoy the embrace. She was stronger than humans and pretty capable in a fight, but she still felt safer in his arms.

Steven smiled, resting his chin on top of Spinel’s head as he held her. It's not what he meant, but he was glad all the same. She was in his arms. That meant that everything was going to be okay.

After taking a few minutes to wake up, the two left the temple and entered to the main house together. Pearl was pacing the floor near the warp pad and Steven raised a brow with a small smirk when she pretended to have just happened to be there when they came out.

"So-so...how did you sleep? I mean the both of you. Cause you both slept. You know…cause you both like to sleep…” Pearl asked awkwardly, clearing trying not to ask something.

"I think we both **slept** fine. Cause we were **sleeping**," answered Steven, making sure to answer in a way that might ease Pearls anxiety.

It appeared to have worked since Pearl breathed a sigh of relief and a genuine smile laced her lips. "Well, that's great. I'm glad you two had such a peaceful **rest**. After all, yesterday was such a mess I'm sure you needed it. Are you hungry? I could make you something if you want."

"**I'm** hungry," Amethyst chimed in from the other side of the room.

"Is Garnet still not back?" Steven asked as he looked around the room.

"No. I'm not sure what's taking her so long. She had a vision of a few corrupted Gems and she said she could handle it alone. Do you think we should go looking for her?" Pearl wondered aloud.

"Do you know where she went," asked Spinel.

Pearl sighed, "no. She didn't say where she was going. Perhaps I should go and see Peridot. She's got all those machines buzzing around for surveillance, maybe she can tell me where Garnet may have gone."

"Well you don't have to worry about making breakfast. I'm going to go and eat at the Big Donut this morning. So feel free to go and see Peridot,” informed Steven. "I need to go and thank Lars for all his help, but first, I really need to shower and change."

"You can still make **me** breakfast," Amethyst tried again.

"That's a good idea. I guess I should go to little Home world and speak with Peridot. ..._after_ I make Amethyst something to eat," she gave in, turning for the kitchen, Spinel noting the audible "wooo," from the living room.

As Steven was getting himself ready for the day, Spinel was sitting on the couch with Amethyst while Pearl cooked in the kitchen.

"So," Amethyst began curiously, "you and Steven are okay?"

"I think so," answered Spinel with a blush.

Amethyst smiled and leaned back on the couch, "just don't do anything crazy again. I really don't like having to be the responsible one all the time. It feels weird."

Spinel nodded; surely she wouldn't live this down for some time. "If Garnet were here, it probably wouldn't have gone so far. …I wonder if she saw it all from where she is.”

"At least it all worked out," Amethyst shrugged.

Had it though? Thought Spinel, wondering if they had truly gotten through the worst of it? She still had this feeling of dread, as if something awful was still waiting for them.   
“Yeah, I’m glad it all worked out,” Spinel repeated as she stood from the couch. Without saying anything more, she climbed the stairs to Steven’s room and was about to sit herself down on the bed before she noticed the opened gift that was set beside it. So Steven had opened it? She plucked the preserved flower crown from the box and placed it on her head with a smile. She had asked Sapphire to flash freeze the flowers so that they retained their shape through the years. It was one of Spinel’s most precious memories. When Steven made her a flower crown and said she was pretty, it was the first time Spinel felt okay with this distorted appearance of hers. It meant a lot. Steven was such a pure and kind person, just like she used to be. Even through all these years, he was still so forgiving and compassionate, a truly polished Gem that no one could stain. It was hard to believe that someone like that could love her.

“…and that’s why you’ll only tarnish him,” Pinks voice chilled into the room from behind Spinel. The fragile Gem gasped and quickly turned, expecting to see Pink, but instead, saw nothing but Steven climbing the stairs.

Steven was happy when he saw Spinel waiting for him and when she turned around, he would have commented on how lovely she looked with the flowers, if it weren’t for the look of fear on her face.   
“Spinel? Did something--?”

“I’m fine,” she answered quickly, trying to forget the whole thing as soon as possible. She was probably just hearing things anyway. Why did she keep recalling Pinks voice to be so cold and unforgiving? Her voice was gentle and though Pink could be selfish, she was never cruel.   
“Are you ready to go to the Big Donut?”

Steven didn’t like when people avoided his questions like that, but she had been through a lot in the past few days. So he’d let it go for now. “Yep, we should get going. I want to try and talk to Lars after the morning rush.”

Spinel agreed and as Steven turned to head back down the stairs, she removed the flower crown and placed it down on the blankets before following behind him. Whatever she had heard, she had to forget it. Amethyst was right. Everything had worked out. It wasn’t worth thinking about anymore.

Steven and Spinel walked hand in hand, reaching the big Donut just as the morning rush was starting to wander off. Spinel noticed Rhodonite helping to clear some tables and Spinel released Stevens hand in order to stretch hers out, grabbing some plates to help. She knew that Steven wanted to speak with Lars so she’d make herself useful while that happened.

He made sure that Spinel was okay before he went into the back to find his friend. Sure enough, Lars was cleaning up with the help of Rutile. It didn’t take more than Steven being there for Lars to stop what he was doing. Asking Rutile to give them a moment, the twins left the kitchen with a smile to go and keep an eye on Spinel.

“…Look, Lars, I’m really sorry about before,” Steven began. “You were only trying to help and I sort of…wasn’t feeling like myself.”

Lars chuckled a bit, “Don’t worry about it lover boy. I actually have a favor to ask if you want to make it up to me.”

“Of course, whatever you need help with,” agreed Steven right away, eager for the chance to make it right.

Lars glanced toward the door before he went on, “I think something is wrong with Rutile and Rhodonite. I mean, Rhodonite is always anxious and can be a little pessimistic, but I thought she was getting better. Instead, it seems like she’s getting worse. Sometimes, she starts crying and cowering away from things that aren’t there. And if that wasn’t enough, Rutile is starting to act weird too. Those two are usually the more level headed ones, but it’s like they have been afraid too. One of them keeps asking me if I’m hearing something. I think some weird, Gem magic stuff is going on.”

Seeing things that aren’t there? Was Spinel seeing things too? Like this morning when she looked afraid. Maybe she saw something that frightened her. “Well….I don’t know how I can help, but I’ll do my best.”

Lars seemed relieved now. He had tried to talk to his friends about what was going on, but they all denied anything was wrong. Perhaps they would feel more comfortable opening up to another Gem. Besides, he’d seen Steven solve more problems than he would have in a lifetime. If anyone could help, he was sure Steven could.


	17. I'm Scared

Steven started by speaking with the Rutile twins. Asking them if they had seen anything troubling as of late, anything that at all that might have startled them. The left twin seemed apprehensive to say anything, but the right pulled Steven to a more isolated area behind the bug Donut.

“The truth is it started yesterday. We started having these horrible…sort of…visions. It’s like stuff just appears or we’re living in a bad memory.” The right rutile twin explained. “It just started for us, but Rhodonite has been seeing things for days now. It’s as if…our fears have been doubled for no reason.”

Steven listened quietly, slowly connecting the dots. Rutile said this started days ago and for the last several days, everyone’s emotions had been a little worse for wear. Well, everyone’s but Amethyst. Though she did tend to keep things bottled when she was upset, so he couldn’t be entirely sure.

“Can you tell me exactly what you’ve been seeing,” asked Steven.

“…Other Rutiles, the ones that ran away from us when we emerged. Except… they don’t run away this time. They all start to grab at us…and start…” the right twins voice trailed off and she glanced away, clearly uncomfortable remembering it.

“I see,” began Steven, indicating that she didn’t have to explain further. “I think something might be causing this. So whatever is affecting you and Rhodonite, it might be the same thing. I’m going to look into it and see if I can find out what’s going on. Do you think you’ll be okay for now?”

The twins smiled at Steven. “We have each other. It helps. Rhodonite is a fusion, though she seems pretty fragile, her love keeps her going. I’m sure we will be okay.”

That was true; Rhodonite and Rutile weren’t alone in this. Hopefully that would keep this from going too far. However, if something was causing these visions and elevating their fears, it could be pretty dangerous. After all, if that’s what affected Spinel, it nearly shattered her using her own fears against her. Was his nightmare last night a part of this too? Maybe when Pearl located Garnet, he could ask her about it. Garnet always knew what to do. After speaking with Rutile, he left to find Spinel and was alarmed when he found Rhodonite was alone. Wasn’t Spinel helping her?

“Where’s Spinel,” Steven asked.

For some reason, seeing Steven alarmed the fusion. “Huh? Um—but she ran after **you**,” answered Rhodonite. “I mean, she called your name and ran off that way,” she finished as she pointed towards the beach.

Did Spinel see something? Why did she see him? Thanking Rhodonite, Steven ran off to find Spinel. Something was definitely going on and it was nothing good. He didn’t think much of it before, but now he worried that Spinel’s first nightmare had been the start of this for her. He ran along the shore, trying to find any trace of the pigtailed Gem, but he was at a loss. At least until he heard her scream, “**PLEASE! DON’’t!!**” Steven jumped and rushed towards her voice. Sure enough, Spinel was kneeling on the sand as if hovering over something, her tears flooding down and wetting the sand beneath her hands.

“Spinel,” Steven called out, quickly dropping to his knees and grabbing her shoulders to shift her focus to his face. “Spinel, what’s wrong?”

Spinel stared at Steven in shock for a moment, her tears stopping once she looked into his eyes.   
“St-steven...” she muttered softly, “…but you were…” her voice trailed off, glancing down at the sand where she had been kneeling.

“That wasn’t me,” he stated evenly. “Spinel, I think you’re seeing things. What did you see? It’s important.”

Spinel forced a smile and wiped her eyes, “I was probably jus-“

“—Tell me.” Steven insisted, not allowing her to dodge the question this time. He was sure now that she had seen something this morning as well. Just like the Rutile Twins, something was scaring her.

Spinel looked as though she had been cornered. She could see in Steven’s eyes that he wasn’t going to let this slide. “…I saw…you,” she answered, fighting back tears as she recalled the vision. “You were leaving because…you didn’t need me anymore…” 

Steven sighed sadly. So this was what she was afraid of? He knew it scared her that he would choose Connie or that their relationship wouldn’t work in some other way, but he thought he had reassured her last night that he didn’t intend to leave her so easily. She must have been more insecure about it than he thought. “Spinel, I’m right here. Do you remember what I said to you last night?”

Spinel blushed lightly and wiped her eyes again, “yes. I remember…” she replied quietly.

“I need you to keep my words in mind, okay? If you see something scary again, if you see me and I start to say hurtful things…you hold onto what I told you. I **love **you, Spinel. Nothing is going to change that…”

The pink gem shrunk a little, feeling ashamed that she was always so easily convinced Steven was going to abandon her. She wanted to have more faith in the person she had fallen in love with.   
“I’ll remember. …I’m sorry, Steven…”

Steven leaned in and kissed her forehead before helping her up. For the time being it was probably better to keep Spinel close until they figured out what was going on. Pearl should be speaking to Peridot by now, hopefully they would find out where Garnet had gone. Taking Spinel’s hand, he led her from the beach and decided to dig a little deeper before they headed back home. So far, he and Lars had seen some pretty extreme reactions from the Gems that they knew. Did that mean this was only affecting Gems? It seemed like going to little home world was the best option in order to gather some information.

Taking a warp, Spinel and Steven arrived at Little Home World and the two immediately noticed the heavy atmosphere. It wasn’t as cheerful as it had been just a little while ago. Though some Gems looked to be just fine, there weren’t as many bustling about.

“What’s going on…?” Spinel asked aloud as she looked around the town.

“Come on,” Steven began, pulling Spinel along as he made a bee line for Peridot and Lapis’ home. He didn’t want Spinel to worry. At least not until they actually knew what was happening.

As they approached their friend’s home, they could see that Pearl had already arrived there. She and Peridot were speaking just outside the front door, neither of them looked very happy as they spoke.

“Pearl, Peridot, what’s going on?” asked Steven as he rushed over to them with Spinel at his heels.

“Oh Steven, thank goodness!” Peridot exclaimed with a relieved smile. “I was just about to call you. It’s Lapis. She’s been locked in her room for days now. I tried everything I could think of to cheer her up…but she refuses to come out. Maybe…you could try?”

“Days?” repeated Steven. “Why didn’t you-“

“She wouldn’t let me,” Peridot interrupted. “I told Lapis I was going to bring you over, but she begged me not to get you. …but I’m at my limit. She’s been…crying a lot and…last night, she started to bang on the walls…screaming.”

Steven panicked internally. If Gems were seeing things that frightened them, what on earth was Lapis seeing? Lapis had been through so much, he could imagine the pain she was feeling right now. “I-I’ll give it a try! Here, don’t let her run off,” he insisted as he left Spinel by Pearls side and rushed into the house. Like the barn, Peridot and Lapis had decorated their new home with Meep-Morps and several pictures of their dearly departed pet Pumpkin. As he neared Lapis’ door, he could hear her talking to herself. Nothing he could understand though.

“Lapis,” he began cautiously. “Can you hear me?”

Just like that, the murmuring stopped, but there was no reply from the other side of the door.

“Can I come in and talk? I just want to make sure you’re okay. We’re all really worried.” As his hand reached for the door, he was stopped by a loud bang against the entrance.

“Don’t come in here,” Lapis shouted.

Steven was sure he heard her voice cracking. She must have been crying. “Lapis, please, I just want to help…”

“You can’t help me! Just leave me alone!”

“No,” insisted Steven. “Just let me in, Lapis, I can help.”

It was silent for several minutes before the door creaked open and Lapis peeked out, her eyes red and swollen from crying. She seemed to scan the area to make sure Peridot wasn’t there until she stepped out, revealing her disrupted form. Steven gasped at once. Lapis looked just like Spinel did last night; her form was glitching and struggling to keep its image.

“Lapis! Why didn’t you call me sooner?!” he exclaimed in a panic and forcing her to lean against the wall as he went behind her to examine the Gem on her back. Sure enough, it had been broken, nearly cracked down the middle.

“I was scared…” she replied softly, hugging her own shoulders. “I thought I might hurt you or Peridot if I saw you guys…”

Steven licked his hand and placed it over her Gem, hoping this wasn’t like it had been with Spinel. However, it seemed to have no effect as he feared. “Why would you think that?” he asked in concern, trying again and hoping not to panic her. He’d try one more time before he had to sound the alarm. At the very least, her Gem didn’t seem to be splintering like Spinels had been.

“I kept…seeing myself hurt you two,” Lapis admitted. “I…I knew it couldn’t have been real…but…it…it just wouldn’t stop. I was…Malachite again…and I…”

The more she went on, there was another noticeable crack forming alone her gem. Steven Panicked and turned her around. “D-Don’t worry about it! I’m fine, see?! I’m right here! You’ll **never** be Malachite again! You’d never hurt any of us! You’re a Crystal Gem, right?”

Lapis tried to smile, but the horrible feelings that plagued her just wouldn’t stop rushing over her like a wave. She couldn’t stop the fear from closing in on her. “St-Steven…I’m scared.” She admitted with a trembling voice. It wasn’t just hurting him that she worried about. She kept thinking she was still inside that mirror. Creating a world for herself in there so she wouldn’t be lonely. She kept thinking that she would blink one day and she’d be looking out from the mirror all alone again, finding that this was all just her wishful thinking.

“It’s okay! Everything is going to be okay,” Steven tried as he forced himself to smile through his panic. “All we have to do is—“ before Steven was able to finish, Lapis vanished in a cloud of smoke, her broken gem dropping to the floor with Pearl standing in front of Steven now, her spear being held out where Lapis had been standing. “Pearl? …you poofed her?!” Steven asked in disbelief.

Pearl bent down and bubbled Lapis with a frown. “I didn’t a repeat of last night. This is better than watching her Gem get worse. We’ll bring her to the fountain and heal her there.”

This actually made Steven feel better. He didn’t even think about poofing Lapis. That was probably a good idea. Good thing Pearl was still thinking clearly.   
“Right. That’s a good idea. …but we have a bigger problem now.”

“I know…” Pearl began, transferring Lapis’ Gem back to the temple. “Something Is affecting Gems. …Peridot said that a lot of Gems here have been afraid of something. It started at the same time Lapis locked herself in her room.”

“What do you think could be causing it,” asked Steven, gripping his shirt just over his own Gem.

“I’m not sure. …and Peridot has no idea where Garnet went off to. Her droids haven’t been able to pick up any trace of her. I’m…a little worried now.”

“Well whatever this is, it doesn’t go away after being healed. Spinel was healed…and she is still seeing things that scare her. This thing is showing Gems visions or trapping them in a bad memory and making it worse. What we thought was just Spinel’s anxiety…was probably this thing showing her bad things,” Steven explained.

Pearl bit her lip, trying to think. She didn’t want to admit that she had been seeing some pretty bad things as well. She thought they had just been her worries getting to her, but apparently something was manipulating her fears. Perhaps now that she knew that, she could remind herself that it wasn’t real.   
“…It’s probably better if we let Lapis rest in the bubble for now then. Should we poof Spinel too? If she’s still seeing things she might—“

“NO!” Steven shouted angrily. The moment she mentioned poofing Spinel, the image of her broken shards flooded back to him. He knew that’s not what she meant, but he couldn’t help feeling panicked by the idea of her not being around. Steven realized quickly that he had snapped at Pearl once again and shook his head, “S-Sorry, Pearl. Um…I’ll keep a close eye on Spinel. So don’t worry. For now…let’s just go and explain all this to Peridot.”


	18. Get Help

It took some time, but eventually Steven and Pearl were able to calm Peridot down and explain things to her. She didn’t like the idea of being separated from Lapis, but they all agreed it was the better option. If Spinel almost shattered because of this, it was best to be safe and keep Lapis resting inside a bubble.

“So…what do we do now?” Peridot asked solemnly.

“We find Garnet. I bet you that she went after whatever is causing this. …Even if she didn’t, she’s been gone too long,” Pearl replied with a sigh.

“I’ll send out more robonoids to search for her.”

“In the meantime, you should tell Bismuth as well that if any other Gems start to panic and crack, it would be better to bubble them until we can fix all this,” Pearl informed Peridot.

While Pearl and Peridot discussed what to do about this, Steven made his way back to Spinel and took her hand. The Robonoids would be looking for Garnet, but he didn’t want to sit around and do nothing. The first gem he noticed this in was Spinel and it seemed to be more potent around Little Home World, did that mean what this was happened to be close by? Magical beings and corrupted Gems were drawn to them after all. Maybe it was trying to reach out?   
“I’m going to look for Garnet. Do you want to come with me?” Steven asked Spinel.

“Of course, where else would I want to be?” Spinel answered happily. Even if they were heading into danger, Spinel would rather be next to Steven than safe at home.

Steven blushed a bit and once he called out to pearl, telling her they we were going to explore a bit, the two were off. Still, before they did anything, Steven wanted to find out more about how this worked. Spinel had nearly shattered over this and Lapis’ Gem was cracking. Was it the extent of their fears, or the prolonged exposure? After all, the Rutile twins’ gem seemed fine, even though they were seeing things too. Even Rhodonite, who appeared particularly emotionally fragile, had her gem intact. So why did it affect Lapis and Spinel so terribly? Were they just exposed longer? How though?

“Hey Spinel,” Steven began as they walked hand in hand, “I know you said…you were afraid I was going to abandon you, but was that all there was?”

Spinel looked a bit uncomfortable, but decided it was better to talk about it. After all, keeping it to herself hadn’t done any good and Steven asked her to have more faith in him. She didn’t want him to think she didn’t trust him.   
“I…was worried I wasn’t good enough. …because, I was made to make Pink happy…and I was never able to do it. She always needed something else, she always needed more. I didn’t mind too much back then…because at least she was happy, but…since I wasn’t good enough to make her happy…I worried that I would never be enough for you either. You had Connie and other friends that you needed too. The thought that you might leave…like Pink did…I hated it.”

Steven stopped walking and turned to face Spinel, taking both of her hands now. “Just because I have other friends…doesn’t mean you aren’t enough.”

“I-I know! I mean…that’s how I thought about it with your mom. She had lots of friends and lovers…and…I was okay because she was happy. That’s why I felt…so broken with you. The past couple of years, I just couldn’t be happy that you were happy with Connie. I was being a bad friend because I wanted you all to myself and if I’m a bad friend…what good am I? I wanted to—“

Steven placed his hand over Spinels mouth before she could go on. He didn’t like her talking about herself like that. They were getting dangerously close to how she spoke of herself like she needed to be fixed. Was it really just her own anxiety? Was that thing making it worse? They had to be able to overcome this somehow. They had to find a way to make sure these fears didn’t get the better of them.   
“Spinel, do you love me?”

Spinel blushed at once, but she quickly removed his hand from her face and nodded her head, “I-I do. I love you,” she answered at once.

Despite his resolve, a blush laced his cheeks as well, “and I love you too. If you and I just remember that, I think everything will turn out okay. Whenever you start feeling scared or worried…just focus on what makes you happiest.”

“Happiest…?” Spinel repeated, closing her eyes for a moment to think. What was it that made her happiest? There were so many things that made her happy and most of them involved Steven, but she couldn’t really think of anything that topped the list.

“I just want to make sure that you have something in mind if we’re going to go and look for this thing. I don’t want you to get overwhelmed and….crack again,” admitted Steven. Truthfully, he knew it was probably better to leave Spinel at home and go find this thing himself, but maybe it was this fear affecting him as well, he didn’t want her to leave his side.

“I won’t! I Promise! …I can do better this time,” Spinel insisted.

Steven smiled at her and leaned over to kiss her cheek, “Just…keep being my cheerful Spinel…and I am sure we’ll be fine.”

Spinel brought her fingertips to her cheek where he’d kissed her and she smiled. Steven was right. As long as she remembered that they loved each other, everything just had to turn out okay.   
“So…where should we start looking? Garnet’s been gone for days and when she left she took the warp, so she could be anywhere…”

“That’s true. …I guess there’s not much point in looking without any clues. We would just be wasting time. …I’m just worried about her,” Steven sighed.

While Steven and Spinel wandered about, Lars was jogging through the words, trying to catch up to Padparadscha who had run off from the bakery like a shot. Something had scared her and though all the other off colors had run after her, they had to split up in the woods when she vanished within the trees.

“Padparadscha,” Lars called out as he slowed down to catch his breath. He had a lot more endurance then he used to, but he still needed a break, and Padparadscha was just too fast for them. He loved that little Gem, but she was sure a handful sometimes. “Come on, Paddy, we need to get back home!”

As he called out for the short orange Gem, he heard someone weeping in the distance. For a moment, he thought it was Padparadscha, but when he rushed towards the voice, he could see it was clearly a different Gem.

This Gem had navy blue skin and silver hair that was tied in large braids that hung over her shoulders. She wore a black and blue halter top that stopped just under her chest with a diamond shaped out in the middle. She had a long blue skirt with several Diamond charms to latch it together and half sleeves that started at her forearms and ended at her wrists. However, the clothes looked as if they had been torn and burned at some edges. He couldn’t see her face however, since she was crying into her hands as she stood over a pile of leaves.

“Uh…um, are you okay?” Lars began cautiously as he stepped toward her.

The gem gasped in alarm and jumped back as if Lars was going to attack her. Her eyes were completely black, as if they were empty. Lars wasn’t sure she could see him not. She did seem to be looking his way though. The gems tears trickled down from her blackened eyes, her blue skin speckled white over her nose and cheeks. Though she looked frightened, she appeared harmless enough. Maybe whatever scared Padparadscha had scared her too?

“I’m not going to hurt you. Did you uh…see another Gem run by here,” Lars tried again.

“You’re…not a Gem,” she asked in surprise. However from her tone, it was clear she could tell he wasn’t.

“My name is Lars. …Uh…you okay? Did something scare you?”

The gem stared at him for a moment before bursting into tears and once again covering her face in her hands. “It is!! It’s scary! I hate it here! I hate all the gems here!!” she wailed through her sobs.

Lars was instantly uncomfortable. He was never sure what to do when a girl cried. He took a few steps closer and reached out his hand slowly. A little hesitant at first, he gently pat her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. It was then that he saw her blue, white streaked gem was placed at her right shoulder and had a large crack down the middle. So she was broken?

“H-hey…you’re hurt. Um, I know someone that can heal you. I think he’s still in town…”

The gem panicked once again and lifted her head, “NO! That’s what SHE said! She said she was bringing me somewhere that would make me better, but it only made me feel worse! There are too many Gems here! It’s too much!!” she cried out, pushing against Lars’ chest now to knock him away from her.

With a quick gasp, Lars was tossed back against the leaves on the ground, groaning a bit as he stood back up. The blue gem looked his way and everything around them began to vanish into a dark haze that was slowly creeping in. Soon, there was no light at all and Lars began to panic internally. He couldn’t even see his own hands in front of his face. His first instinct was to stand up, but he’d probably end up tripping over his own feet in this darkness.   
“H-Hey! No one is trying to hurt’cha! I just saw that your gem was broken and—“

“—You’re not a gem…” she began, her voice echoing in the black void like a whisper. “So I thought…you might not hurt me, but you’re planning on tricking me…just like that fusion. I’m so scared here. It’s not fair…” 

Lars tried as hard as he could to find the Gem from the sound of her voice, but it seemed to be coming from all directions. “I’m not trying to trick you, I know what it’s like to be scared, but it’s okay to be afraid. I bet you’re not feeling right because your gem is cracked,” holding out his hand in the dark, Lars wasn’t sure what else to do. “I have a friend that heals gems. He can make you better.”

Everything was silent for a while and Lars worried that the gem had run off and left him in the dark. If so, he probably looked like an idiot just holding out his hand for no one. However, he eventually felt some fingertips gently press against his. He still couldn’t see her, but he could feel she was trembling as he tenderly gripped her hand in his.

“I just don’t want to hold it all anymore. …I want it to go away…” she whispered, sniffling from her tears.

“It’s okay…” Lars said again, not quite sure what she was talking about, but glad she seemed at least willing to listen to him. He couldn’t exactly fight what he couldn’t see.

“…my name is Sodalite…” she added quietly. Her voice having lost its energy as if she had grown tired. “I’m glad…you don’t scare me.”

Lars sighed in relief and rummaged for the phone in his pocket. Once he called Steven, this Gem could get some help and then he could keep looking for Padparadscha. The moment he pulled out his phone he heard Sodalite gasp and she quickly jerked her hand from his. The darkness faded away and pulled back towards Sodalite as she gripped at either side of her head in pain. 

“Huh?! Hey-Hang on, let me call him and—“

“LIARLIARLIARLIAR!!” Sodalite screamed, her words coming too quickly to hear properly. “You’re going to shatter me! They wanted to shatter me and now you do too!!”

“I don’t wa—“

Before Lars could attempt to calm Sodalite down once again, a red blur came through the trees and knocked Sodalite away, crashing her against a large tree.

It was Ruby. She looked a bit haggard, panting for breath and her hair disheveled. Though she seemed tired, she didn’t wait long before rushing Soadlite again, holding her against the tree as fire formed around her hands, burning Soadlite’s shoulders.

Lars was shocked still, but he didn’t get much chance to question anything before Sodalite kicked Sapphire away from her. “STAY AWAY FROM ME!” Sodalite screamed.

“What did you do with Sapphire?! Give her back!!” Sapphire snapped back.

“She wouldn’t shatter!! You won’t shatter either!!! It’s not fair!!! Why won’t all you gems just go away??! I hate you all!! I hate you!!!”

“We were trying to help you,” Ruby insisted, glaring down Sodalite with rage. “Tell me where you sent Sapphire or I’ll—“ 

It was only then that Ruby even noticed Lars was there; she looked around and also realized that she had run this Gem into the woods near beach city.   
“Lars! Get the others! Tell them that she has Sapph—“

A puff of smoke surrounded Ruby as she spoke and Sodalite swiped into that smoke to grab Ruby’s gem. Lars flinched and stepped back. He wasn’t sure what was happening exactly and he didn’t really think Sodalite would hurt him, but she had just poofed a Gem in front of him and Ruby had instructed him to get help. With that in mind, Lars turned on his heel and ran from Sodalite while she was distracted bubbling Ruby’s gem. It all happened so fast he was still terribly confused, but if Sodalite poofed Ruby and Sapphire, then she might end up poofing his friends too. He had to do as Ruby said and get help before that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the appearance of a new Gem, we are edging closer and closer to the end of this Fanfic, but don't worry, I have already worked out it's sequel. So hopefully you will look forward to that. 
> 
> Also, if you'd like to see my Design for Sodalite, I have a picture of her on my Tumblr. My handle for Tumblr is the same as it is here. Love you all and thanks for reading so far!!


	19. Dark Eyes

Spinel and Steven had made their way home, each one worried about what to do next. Pearl had stayed behind to help Peridot with her search for Garnet. On the other hand, Steven and Spinel knew it was useless to aimlessly wander around town. After all, Garnet could have been anywhere on Earth. The two eventually decided to go back home and evidently they were going to be alone for a while as Amethyst wasn't inside the house either. Usually, they wouldn't mind being alone, but it was a little tense since they were all worried about Garnet.

"…Do you want to play a game or something?" Spinel asked finally as Steven took a seat on the couch.

"We could play that new video game or maybe…"

Steven chuckled a bit and pat the seat beside him, "just come and sit with me a minute."

Spinel did as she was told, sitting down beside Steven, but feeling a little awkward about it. Why were the simple things all of a sudden so embarrassing? She found herself tugging at her pigtail anxiously unsure what to do. Voicing their feelings was one thing, but when they were alone and close like this, her mind wandered back to those brief moments when he had held her or kissed her and she couldn't calm down.

"…You're getting pretty red…" Steven commented, leaning over slightly so that he could see her face.

Spinel flinched and pulled her pigtails over to hide her expression. "I-I'm fine."

"You're not gonna look at me?" asked Steven, finding her reaction rather cute.

Spinel shook her head, "why are you so calm?" she asked, peeking through her hair.

"I'm not that calm," answered Steven with a smile.

"Yes you are," insisted Spinel, releasing her hair now. "…and I feel like a jerk. Garnet is missing and I'm just thinking about—" Spinel stopped herself and stood up from her seat in a panic. This was just getting worse. "Well, it doesn't matter. You know what, I bet that video game—"

"Thinking about what?" interjected Steven, reaching to grab her hand as he stared up at her from his seat.

Spinel glanced down at him, her cheeks burning slightly. "…can-can't we just play the game?" she whined. "We can distract ourselves with-"

Steven pulled Spinels hand to his lips, planting a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. "I'd rather distract myself with you," he teased, finding that he enjoyed Spinel's bashful expression.

His words sent a chill up her back, how was he able to say those things with a straight face?

"S-see?! You-You're not nervous at all! I'm the only one…"

"You think I don't get nervous around you?" asked Steven, a slight blush forming along his cheeks as he stood up and placed Spinel's hand over his heart. "…ever since I realized how I feel about you, I find it difficult to calm down whenever we're close like this. I have trouble concentrating on anything else when I look at you, but I'm doing my best to appear calm so I don't scare you."

Spinel was silent as she felt the beat of his heart against the palm of her hand. It's true, he wasn't as relaxed as he seemed. His heart was beating rather quickly, betraying his content expression. Spinel smiled a little, glad she wasn't the only one panicking. "...I do wish Garnet was here. ...not just because I'm worried about her...but because...she's the one I would have talked to about all this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean...loving someone...this way..." she began, feeling a bit awkward in saying it aloud. "Of course...I love all my friends...but this is something entirely new to me. If anyone could help me understand it better...I thought Garnet would be best."

Steven started to feel a bit guilty. Admittedly, with everything that had happened in the last few days, he might have rushed things a bit. He had forgotten that even though Spinel had been on Earth for a long time, Gems still didn't completely understand certain emotions that were natural to humans. So when she said she loved him, was it mostly due to feeling pressured into saying so? Did she really understand what it meant when he said it to her?

"Would it help...if I explain how I feel?" Steven asked.

"How do you mean?" asked Spinel.

"I'm only half Gem...and I wasn't raised in the same culture you were, so this might not make sense to you anyway. Still, I want to make things clear." Steven stated, gripping her hand gently as if trying to build up some courage. It scared him to think that Spinel might talk to Garnet or listen to his explanation and realize their feelings weren't the same after all. Spinel always went with the flow of things, it was possible that she was simply following his lead in all this. "Of course...you're my friend. ...and as my friend, you like being around me, right?"

Spinel nodded her head, noting that Steven looked upset now. Did she say something wrong earlier?

"I like being around you too. It's always been fun when you're around and I got used to the fact that you'd always be there. It's hard to explain...but when I realized that I...wanted more, it was as if a door was opened. It's probably true that I felt this way for longer than I thought and just never noticed..." Steven paused, taking a moment to think. He had intended to explain his feelings, but putting them into words was harder than he thought it would be. "I...want to touch you..." he admitted quietly, his heart beat picking up the pace and his cheeks burning after he said it. "I definitely don't think that with my other friends," added Steven quickly. "Every time we're close like this, I'm reminded of each time we kissed and I..." Steven pauses again, feeling like he was messing this up. He thought he'd be able to voice his feelings more eloquently, but it was coming out all wrong.

Spinel listened silently as Steven did his best to explain things. Honestly, it was endearing to know that this was just as confusing to him as it was to her. Or least, that's how it sounded. So far, even if his thoughts appeared jumbled, it seemed that they had been thinking the same things. "I didn't want Garnets help because I was worried I don't really love you..." began Spinel. "I wanted her help because...I don't know how to go about...being in love. I mean...I feel like I don't know how to act around you anymore. I get nervous just holding hands now..."

At once, Stevens face went red. So she wasn't rethinking how she felt? She just wanted advice on how to behave? He had completely misunderstood her and ended up saying all that stuff for nothing? Admitting that he wanted to touch her, he didn't have to say that aloud. Why did he say that? "O-oh! Well—I—-I guess I jumped to conclusions a bit..." he stammered, feeling like an idiot.

Spinel could see that he was embarrassed. Would it help if she made an embarrassing confession as well? "I-I like it when you touch me," she choked out with a blush. "I...want you to touch me too. So um...you don't have to feel bad for...wanting to...do that..." her voice trailed off slowly. Though she said it so he wouldn't feel alone in his embarrassment, voicing something like that aloud was more awkward than she thought. No wonder he seemed so frazzled after.

Steven stared at Spinel, his heart skipping a beat as she spoke. He knew she didn't hate it when they kissed, but hearing her say aloud that she wanted him to touch her, something inside him snapped. Without another word, Steven used his free hand to grab Spinel by the waist, pulling her to press against his chest before he kissed her lips.

Spinels gasp was muffled by his lips, but her initial surprise melted away in an instant as she returned his kiss, moving her hands to rest at his shoulders while he hugged her waist.

Giving no thought to the fact that they were out in the shared space of the house, Steven deepened the kiss by parting her lips with his tongue as he led Spinel backward so that her back was up against the wall.

Even if this wasn't the first time they shared a kiss like this, Spinel couldn't help feeling embarrassed each time his tongue met hers. If that wasn't enough to make her nervous, Stevens hands had moved from her waist. One hand was now at the small of her back, the other was slowly grazing up here thigh.

A small gasp escaped her lips as she felt his fingers tracing the skin along her thigh and she immediately regretted it as the sound seemed to cause Steven to break the kiss. He pulled his head back just enough to look into her eyes.

"Is this...okay?" He asked quietly, not too keen on stopping, but wanting to make sure he wasn't upsetting Spinel.

Spinels chest tightened once again. Why did he have to be so considerate at a time like this? "You don't...have to stop..." she replied honestly.

Steven felt his heart leap once again. "...you...shouldn't say stuff like that..." he groaned a bit, finding it difficult to think rationally now, leaning his head down and pressing his forehead against her shoulder.

"Wh...why?" Asked Spinel, worried she'd ruined the mood. Was that the wrong answer?

"It just..." Steven began, moving his hand from the small of her back as he lifted his head to glance at her once again. Placing his his finger just under her chin, he tilted her head back just a bit, "...makes thinking a bit difficult. I don't want to go too fast and scare you."

Feeling a little braver, Spinel met his gaze. He had said something similar before. What did he think she was going to be so frightened of? "How could I be scared?" She asked with a smile. "I love you..."

Steven smiled back at her, letting his fingers slid down her neck until his hand rested at her Gem between them.

"Ah! Wha-" Spinel gasped in surprise, feeling a quick jolt up her back.

"I love you too," Steven replied, noting that there was a warm glow from Spinels gem now. "Your Gem is glowing," he teased.

"I-I don't know why..." Spinel replied, feeling the urge to cover her face once again.

Stevens curiosity got the better of him. Now that he thought about it, he'd never touched her gem unless he was trying to heal her. Grabbing her arms carefully he leaned down, pressing his lips to the surface of her Gem.

"St-Steven don't..." Spinel shuddered. Was it just because it was Steven? She felt weak when he kissed her Gem, as if her legs would give out.

"You told me I didn't have to stop," he reminded her with a smirk before running his tongue slowly along the length of her Gem, surprised when Spinel nearly fell to her knees all of a sudden. He gasped lightly, catching her by the shoulders and sitting down with her on the floor. He was about to ask if she was okay, but the expression on her face answered his concerns for him. Her cheeks were flushed and her gaze was sweet and pleading as she looked up at him. The look in her eyes was almost too much to take and all at once, any semblance of self-control he was holding onto was gone.

This time, they seemed to be thinking the same thing, the both of them leaning in to share another kiss. Spinel wrapped her arms around his neck as Steven gently guided Spinel down to lay on the floor, breaking the kiss for a short breath.

"Steven...what if some—ahn!" Just as Spinel began to voice her concern over being seen out here, she was cut off when he leaned back down and began kissing her neck. Spinel covered her mouth with her hands, mortified over the sound she had made. Why did she always have to embarrass herself in front of him now?

Steven couldn't help but smile as he kissed her. She was just too cute. He took a moment to savor the sweet taste of her skin before he pulled back, looking down at her with smirk. "Why so embarrassed?" He asked, pulling her hands away from her mouth slowly.

Spinel stared up at him with flushed cheeks. "I...I sounded-"

"—-cute," Steven finished for her. "You sounded cute. Can I hear more?" He teased, leaning back, planting small kisses along her cheeks.

Spinel giggled lightly, "y-you're so smug when—-" she froze at once when she caught sight of Lars coming through the door from the corner of her eye. She pat Stevens shoulder, "l-Lars." She whispered in an attempt to inform him without panicking.

Steven flinched and was visibly irritated when he pulled back, "did you just say—?"

"Steven! There you ar—oh my gosh!" Lars exclaimed, turning his back to them at once. One thing he never expected to see when he got here was Steven and Spinel making out on the floor. "I should have knocked," Lars groaned.

Steven sighed miserably, "it's okay. ...I'm starting to think someone is playing a really mean joke on me..." he muttered as Spinel shuffled out from under him. If they kept interrupted like this, he didn't need future vision to know there were a lot of cold showers heading his way.

"What's going on?" Asked Spinel when she noticed that Lars seemed out of breath.

Lars turned to face them now, still feeling awkward, but forcing it aside for the moment. "I met a Gem in the woods—-and Ruby was—-I would have called, but I think I dropped my phone when I ran away. Ruby told me to go and get help—-I mean, right before the Gem—"

"Slow down Lars..." Steven urged as he got to his feet. "You saw Ruby? Are you saying...Garnet is split up?"

Lars nodded quickly, "she was looking for Sapphire. I think the Gem I met is the one that has her. She poofed Ruby right before she told me to go and get some help. It was a Gem named Sodalite. She's broken and I think Garnet was trying to bring her here to heal, but Sodalite must of gotten the jump on her or panicked or something. She kept saying she was scared and didn't trust her anymore."

"Did you say...Sodalite?" asked Spinel. "That...can't be right."

"I'm sure that's what she said her name was," nodded Lars. "Her Gem is blue with white streaks and it's on her right shoulder."

Spinel scanned her memory; sure he must have been mistaken. "But...she was shattered nearly more than six thousand years ago."

"Well, maybe it's a different Sodalite?" Asked Steven.

"No, Blue Diamond made only one Sodalite. She made her in an attempt to help Pink be happier on Homeworld. When she couldn't help Pink like Blue wanted, she was sent away to be shattered and no other Sodalite's were made because she was deemed worthless."

"How was she supposed to help my mom?" Steven asked, uncomfortable with the thought of Blue shattering Gems. He knew she did it in the past, but it wasn't fun to hear about.

"Sodalite was made to ease anxiety, fear, negative thoughts, and stuff like that. She would take in all of Pinks anxiety into herself and purify away. ...but I guess it didn't work as well as Blue thought it would because even though her anxiety was gone, it only served to make Pink feel angry about her situation rather than sad. So she started to have tantrums. Blue said making more Sodalite's was pointless and ordered the one she had created to be shattered."

"That's what she kept saying. She was worried everyone wanted to shatter her. She was crying and really scared when I first met her, but she started to calm down and seemed like she wanted help. Then Ruby came and said she took Sapphire somewhere."

"...well...if she's broken, that might explain why she's scared. Maybe she can't stop herself from soaking up all the anxiety and fears from other Gems...and if that's the case, she won't be able to purify it either...so she's just collecting these terrible feelings and it's just building up..."

"That sounds awful," Steven began. "Take me to her, we should heal her as soon as possible, then we can ask her what she did with Ruby and Sapphire."

"Okay, come this—what's wrong with your eyes?!" Lars was about to turn and lead them away until he caught a glimpse of Spinel. Her eyes had turned black, as if darkness had engulfed them completely.

“Spinel!” Steven shouted in a panic as she went limp, rushing to catch her before she fell to the floor. He Held her up, trying to get her attention, but her eyes stayed black and her body motionless. “Spinel!! Spinel!! Wake up!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update this. A lot has been going on, but everything is okay now.   
Thanks for reading and for all the comments! I love you all!


	20. Just a Nightmare

Steven was sitting on the floor, holding Spinel close to his chest as she lay in his arms in silence. He wasn’t sure what caused this, but he couldn’t help panicking. Why did it always seem the moment they were happy, something went wrong? And why was it always Spinel that had to suffer?

“Steven, that Sodalite Gem had the same eyes. They were all blacked out. She might be the one doing this.” Lars suggested. “You should try and find her. If you fix her Gem, maybe this will stop. I can stay and look after Spinel,” he offered, sure that Steven wouldn’t want to leave her alone.

Steven tightened his hold on Spinel gently, staring down at her dark eyes. Leaving her with Lars wasn’t going to hurt her, but he didn’t want to let her go. “…I…what if something happens while I’m gone? I don’t even know what’s happening to her.”

“Well we can’t fix it unless you heal that other Gem. I’m positive this is because of her,” replied Lars, kneeling down so they were at level with each other. “Here, we can lay her down on the couch.”

“NO!” Steven shouted as he hugged her close. He was scared. As if he left her, something terrible would happen and he wouldn’t be able to help her. “J-just give me a minute!”

Lars groaned quietly, unsure how to convince Steven to leave her and help the other Gem. Why weren’t Pearl or Amethyst home? He could really use their help right now. As he was trying to figure out what to do, he started to notice the room getting darker. Was this Sodalite’s doing too? “Steven, give me Spinel!” Lars demanded. If Sodalite was really closing in like this darkness was, it would be harder for Steven to handle her while Spinel was unconscious.

When Steven saw Lars reaching over to pull Spinel away from him, he found himself smacking his hands away before he could stop himself. He knew Lars was just trying to help them, but something inside of him was fogging over any rational thought. “Don’t touch her!” snapped Steven.

“Steven…your eye…” Lars began, staring in panicked concern at Stevens face. One of Steven’s eyes had been blacked out. Was that the reason he was getting so emotional? This alarmed Lars even further. Steven was supposed to be the rational one. Finally, Lars took a deep breath to calm himself down. If this thing was affecting Steven now, he’d have to handle this as best he could. He led the off colors through space; it appeared he’d have to take the lead once again.

Steven could feel his body getting heavy and weak, finding it difficult to hold onto Spinel. He looked up at Lars and began to panic when he saw his mother, Rose Quartz, standing next to his friend.   
“M-Mom?!” Steven exclaimed in shock.

His mother and Lars turned to face Steven at the same time.   
“What did you say?” asked Lars, though his voice sounded muffled and far away.

“You didn’t protect her,” his mother began irately. “Look what you did!”

Steven felt a terrible rush of fear as he glanced back down at Spinel slowly. Somehow, he body was gone and all he held in his hands now were the shattered pieces of her Gem. His heart stopped and for a moment he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “N…NO! This isn’t real!!” Steven shouted as he closed his eyes tight so he wouldn’t have to see the shards or his mother’s cold stare. “I know this isn’t real! You’re gone…and Spinel…she was just here…” He spoke aloud, doing his best to remind himself that he was just seeing things. He had to break from these delusions. If he was having visions, Spinel probably was too.

Lars was confused. Steven was yelling at someone that he clearly couldn’t see. Was it because of his eye? “Steven,” Lars began, kneeling down in front of him to place his hands at his shoulders in an attempt to focus his attention. “You need to focus,” he demanded, “Spinel needs your help! Remember, it’s okay to be afraid, you just have to keep going!”

As Lars called out to him, Steven could hear his voice getting clearer and clearer. He kept his eyes closed so he could focus on his own thoughts, rather than the visions that threatened him. Lars was right, Spinel needed his help. He couldn’t let himself give in to this fear. He told Spinel that they could get through anything together; he just had to think of the things that made him the happiest. Thinking of his friends, his family, his body was already starting to feel lighter. The last thing he remembered was Spinel’s smile. He had a lot of memories of her cheerful face and he couldn’t help but smile as he recalled her joyful expression. Though he felt much better, he still opened his eyes cautiously, worried he might still have those shards in his hands. When he finally opened his eyes however, he saw Lars staring back at him with a relieved smile.

“Your eye is back to normal!” Lars exclaimed happily.

Steven smiled back and looked down at Spinel, though her eyes were still dark, she was in his arms, safe and sound. He hugged her close, noting how the darkness in the room was slowly starting to creep away. Was their fear what brought those shadows here?   
“Spinel…” Steven began softly, placing his hand over her Gem tenderly. “…I know you can hear me. …I need you to wake up. You’re not in this alone. Remember, we won’t go through anything alone. I’m here.” While he spoke, Spinel’s gem and his own began to glow. In the blink of an eye, Steven was no longer in his home holding Spinel. Somehow, he was now in the Garden. Had he connected with Spinel’s Gem? Is this what she was seeing?

“Spinel,” Steven called out as he slowly scanned the area. At first it seemed like she was nowhere to be found, but then he heard the faint sound her sobs. He rushed towards her voice, finding her kneeling among some dead flowers as vines tangled her legs to the ground. “Spinel! I’m here!” Steven shouted, getting down onto the ground with her.

“Steven…?” Spinel started, slowly looking up at him with tears flooding her eyes. “…but you...”

“This is just a nightmare, Spinel,” replied Steven softly, reaching over and pulling her into a gentle embrace. “It’s not real. There will never be a time when I leave you alone…”

Spinel wanted to believe him. She didn’t like being alone here without him, but if this wasn’t real, was this another illusion? Was she being held in his arms only to be abandoned again after? It was then that she remembered what Steven told her before. If she was seeing something scary or she felt alone, she had to think of something that made her happy. That would be easy; there were so many things that made her happy. However, the thing she knew would work best was what always calmed her down. Closing her eyes, Spinel focused hard on the sweet sound of Steven’s heartbeat. The gentle thumping of his heart against her ear, it became all she could hear and the awful feelings of dread faded away.

With a small smile, Spinel opened her eyes, finding herself staring up at Steven as he held her in his arms. The garden was gone and they were back inside the house. “Where…?” she began sleepily, not quite sure what had happened. Did she fall asleep?

Steven and Lars sighed in relief. The darkness had vanished from the room and from Spinel’s eyes.   
Without answering her question, Steven leaned down and planted a soft kiss against her lips. “Welcome back,” he whispered with a smile.

Spinel blushed, glancing over at Lars who was sitting beside Steven. “Uh…Lars is right there…” she reminded Steven bashfully.

“What happened?” A distraught voice rang out, alarming the trio as they looked up to see Sodalite standing just a few feet away. She looked confused and upset. “It’s not fair. …Why aren’t you scared? Why am I the only one? I don’t want to feel this way all alone! You should all feel just as terrible!”

The three got to their feet and Spinel reached out her hand with a cautious smile.   
“…that’s the thing; you don’t have to be alone. We can help you…”

Sodalite stared at Spinel’s hand apprehensively, afraid that this was some sort of trick. She couldn’t feel as much fear or anxiety from these Gems, that didn’t mean she trusted them. Those feelings could come back at any moment and hurt her again. She’d followed Lars when he ran off because she didn’t feel anything terrible from him, but that just led her here with these other Gems. Still, they had somehow managed to stifle their bad feelings. Could they do that for her too?

Sodalite glanced at Lars and the pink skinned young man smiled at her, stepping forward and grabbing her hand. He knew that she wasn’t afraid of him and she seemed so much calmer than before.   
While Lars kept Soadlite’s attention, Steven made his way over to them and licked his hand to place his palm over Sodalite’s broken Gem at her shoulder.

With a light gasp, her Gem began to glow and the large crack down the center filled in, making her Gem whole once again. The darkness that covered Sodalite’s eyes had vanished, revealing gentle, crystal blue hues. The Gem stared out in shock for a moment before she took a deep breath, “…Th-thank you…” she exhaled happily. Her whole body felt lighter than air once again now that all those collected dark feelings were gone. They had been so heavy.

“I know you just got better…” Steven began, “…but do you remember what you did with Ruby and Sapphire?”

“Oh! …yes but…won’t they be angry with me? …I didn’t mean to hurt anyone—I just …” Sodalite started anxiously. Though the collected negative feelings were gone, she was still nervous.

Steven shook his head, “Don’t worry, it wasn’t your fault. You’re all better now.”

Sodalite sighed softly and held out her hands to manifest the black bubbles that held the two Gems. Steven smiled and as the bubbles popped, he took the two Gems in his hands. Garnet would be back soon, they could heal Lapis safely now, and no more Gems would be seeing those terrible things. Finally, all the commotion over the last few days would calm down, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little short, but I didn't want to drag out any repeat scenarios.   
Anyhow, the next chapter will be longer, but it will also be the last one.   
I'll see you all soon! Thanks for reading!


	21. One Last Obstacle?

A few hours had passed since Sodalite was healed. Once Garnet had reformed, the blue Gem spent nearly half an hour apologizing. It seemed even without taking in a Gems negative feeling, she was a rather anxious Gem. Since she had come here looking for Pink, Steven had to explain what happened to his mother. It took little while, but eventually Sodalite understood and told them how she had gotten to earth.

Sodalite explained that she had escaped Homeworld before she was supposed to be shattered. When she heard about Pinks Colony, she tried to make her way to Earth, certain that Pink would protect her from Blue. Or at the very least, let her hide on Earth. Unfortunately, her ship malfunctioned and exploded somewhere in space. She floated aimlessly among the stars, her Gem broken from the explosion, until she met a girl that promised to help her. The girl pointed the way to Earth and vanished.

“So…this girl just happened to show up and help you before completely disappearing?” asked Garnet.

Sodalite nodded her head, “Yes. …At times I wondered if I had imagined her. I can’t even recall what she looked like. I just remember that she called herself Mara.”

“Mara…” Garnet repeated. “…well, we can look into that later. For now, we can get you a place to stay here on Earth.”

“I…I can’t stay with him?” Sodalite asked meekly as she pointed to Lars. Since he was the first person that didn’t frighten her, she had grown attached rather quickly.

Lars flinched a bit, “Ah, well I’m sure you’d feel more comfortable in your own home, right?”

“Come on. We can figure this all out on the way to Little Homeworld.” Garnet stated as she gently shooed Lars and Sodalite towards the door. “I’m sure you two have something to talk about. See you later,” added Garnet before she left the house with the other two.

Alone in the house again, Steven and Spinel stood in the middle of the living room, still reeling a bit from everything that had happened. It all started and ended so quickly and it was because of Sodalite that they all had been emotional and irrational. Spinel couldn’t help but worry that Steven might regret some of the choices he made while affected by Sodalite.

“…I guess…things should be calming down now, right?” Spinel asked, trying to break the silence.

“I hope so, but our lives are never that calm anyway,” Steven replied with a smile. He felt much more like himself now that all those awful feelings had been lifted from the air. “Garnet was right though, you and I need to have a talk before the others get back.”

Spinel didn’t like the sound of that. That’s usually what Pearl said when she had bad news or was about to scold her. Still, it’s not like she could run away from whatever he wanted to tell her.   
“O…Okay…” she mumbled sheepishly as she braced herself.

“We need to decide how to tell the others about us…” Steven began with a blush.

Spinel’s breathe hitched a bit, surprised by what he said. Tell the others?   
“…you mean…?”

“Well…I mean…I know we never really talked about making anything official,” Steven continued awkwardly. “…I wanted to wait and talk about it after we spoke to Pearl and the others…and I still need to speak with Connie. Just to clear the air you know? …and when my Dad gets back I’m sure he’ll be surprised…”

“S-So, you still want to be with me?! Like—like regular humans do?” Spinel asked with a hopeful smile.

Steven stared at Spinel with a blank expression for a moment.   
“Y…yeah. Did you think--? Seriously? After all this, you still think I’m gonna just change my mind and decide I don’t want you?”

Spinel shrunk a little, “…I was just…worried…” she admitted. “I still feel like I’m gonna wake up and find out I dreamed all this…”

Steven stepped up to her and took Spinel’s hands before he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.   
“Well, if it does turn out to be dream, I’m pretty happy that you’re in it with me.”

Her cheeks burned terribly, “that’s so cheesy,” Spinel giggled.

“Well, you know me,” Steven laughed lightly. “…I hope Pearl won’t be too against this. I’m sure she will have something to say about it when we talk to her.”

“…She said she was worried I would get hurt,” began Spinel, “but I wonder if that’s really all it is.”

“It doesn’t matter if she disapproves or not. It will certainly make things awkward, but I’m sure in time she will come around. I just want to make things clear with them so that they all know exactly how our relationship will change. …and I…still want you to sleep in my bed, but I’m sure they won’t be too keen on that.”

“Why not? I’ve slept in your bed a lot of times.”

“Well…just because we’ll be alone in bed…and I might have trouble controlling myself—you know we can talk about all that stuff later on!” Steven backtracked quickly. They had a lot of stuff they needed to discuss, but most of it could wait until later. For now, just clearing the air with a few people was going to be difficult enough.

“I’m sure Lars will be happy that everything will be settled. We’ve troubled him a lot the past few days.” Spinel commented, still feeling guilty for putting their friend through so much because of her rash actions.

“You know…” began Steven irately, grabbing her waist and pulling her forward to hold her flush against his chest. “This is the second time you’ve mentioned his name when we’re close like this. Are you doing this on purpose?”

The moment he pulled her close, Spinel felt her heart skip a beat. “N-no. I just…thought he might be angry and I felt guilty.”

“I’m sure he’s not mad. He was trying to help, but if it makes you feel better, we can apologize to him again later on.” Steven smiled. Spinel often seemed irresponsible, but she cared so much about people. “In the meantime, do you want to rest a bit? It’s been such a long couple of days.”

As usual, Spinel wasn’t tired, but she was sure that Steven needed a nap after everything that happened. Nodding her head, she allowed Steven to lead her by the hand up to his bedroom. Steven really must have been tired, it wasn’t long after they laid down on the bed that he fell asleep while hugging Spinel close. She smiled while she looked at his sleeping face. All of this must have really worn him out. It was easy to forget how drained his human half could get. Still, she wasn’t lying to Steven before. There was a big part of her that worried this was all some dream. Even so, Spinel closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, finding it hard to stay awake when she was so comfortable.

While Steven and Spinel slept, the other Crystal Gems finally made their way home. Pearl took part in finding Sodalite a place to stay after tearing her away from Lars with some difficulty. Garnet and Amethyst healed the broken Gems and explained to them what had happened. Peridot was over the moon to have Lapis back to normal, though equally annoyed that her robonoids hadn’t found Garnet before this all got out of hand. As they were about to enter the house, Garnet stopped Pearl to speak with her.

“Now, remember what I told you,” Garnet began quietly.

“I know…” Pearl sighed, “…I’ll…keep an open mind, but—“

“—Just let them talk,” continued Garnet, “it might be difficult for you, but let them say their piece before you voice your concerns. Steven is growing fast and this is all new to Spinel. It’s going to be confusing enough for them, we shouldn’t pile on.”

Pearl knew Garnet was right, but this was hard for her. Spinel was like her little sister and Steven like a son. She always assumed he would fall in love with a Human and live a relatively normal human life with her. Also, what if one of them hurt the other? Two people that were very important to her would be upset. She didn’t like those odds at all. “I’ll do my best,” replied Pearl.

With that, they stepped inside the house. Pearl had expected for Spinel and Steven to be waiting for them, but when she didn’t see either of them, she couldn’t help feeling anxious. Had they gone to Rose’s room in the temple again? Just to make sure, Pearl walked up the stairs to Steven’s bedroom, and was surprised to find Spinel and Steven in bed asleep. Though she walked up to the bed with the intent of waking Spinel to make her leave, when she looked down at the two, Pearl lost her will to interfere. Steven looked so content while he held Spinel close and as she slept, Spinel’s gem was glowing lightly. Sighing in defeat, Pearl grabbed an extra blanket and placed it gently over the two. She still had her concerns about this, but for now, she would let them sleep and hope that their dreams were pleasant ones.

When morning finally came, Spinel woke up in bed alone, a little disappointed that Steven had left with without waking her. Without Steven here, there wasn’t much point staying in his room. Ascending the stairs, she found herself a little confused to see the others Gems sitting at attention on the couch while Steven stood in front of them.

“Ah, I was just about to wake you,” Steven remarked before holding out his hand for her.

It was then that Spinel knew what was going on. They were going to talk about this so soon? She wasn’t so worried about Garnet or Amethyst, but she already knew that Pearl didn’t like this. With a deep breath, Spinel stepped over and took his hand, facing the others along with him. This was terribly awkward. It felt a lot like she was asking their permission to be with Steven and wasn’t sure what to do if they refused.

“…Well, um…I’m sure this isn’t a big surprise to you guys…” began Steven as he cleared his throat. After all, Pearl had caught them a couple of times in an intimate situation, Garnet could see the future, and Amethyst just seemed like she had expected this to happen.   
“…but um, I wanted to make it clear that...I…have feelings for Spinel and we—“

“—I LOVE STEVEN!” Spinel shouted nervously, finding herself panicking more than she thought she would.

Steven flinched a bit, surprised by her outburst. Perhaps they should have gone over what to say.   
“…y-yes…and I…love Spinel too,” he added, hoping Spinel would be less anxious about this as they went on. “Just to be clear, we’re not asking permission to be together or anything. …I wanted to tell you all because you’re important to me and…obviously since it’s Spinel and she’s been with you all for a long time…and we all live together…it just seemed like the right thing to do. …so…that’s…what we wanted to say.” He finished awkwardly. He’d played this out in his head, but facing them and talking about Spinel like this felt like strange. Surely telling his Dad would be a lot easier.

Amethyst smiled and shrugged her shoulders, “well, whatever you guys want to do, I’m cool with it.”

“Have you two really thought about this?” asked Pearl, her expression revealing that she was holding a lot back.

“What’s there to think about?” replied Steven, preparing himself for an argument. He knew how attached to Pearl Spinel was and she really took her words to heart. He didn’t want anything Pearl said to make Spinel doubt this or feel guilty.

“Lots of things,” insisted Pearl as she stood from her seat. “Spinel, you were MADE to care and love for your best friend, are you sure you’re not just confusing those feelings because you’ve never been in love before? And Steven, human feelings are meant to change, what if you fall for someone else? Or find you would rather be with a human girl? If you’re with a Gem, you surely won’t have a normal relationship like other humans. Not to mention, even if you won’t age as fast humans, you are still aging and Spinel won’t age at all. What if--?”

Garnet had stood and placed her hand on Pearls shoulder to stop her. Even with her warning not to pile too much stress on them, Pearl couldn’t seem to help it.

Steven glanced at Spinel and frowned when he saw her troubled expression. Sure enough, she looked like she was being berated by her older sister.   
“No, we haven’t talked about those things, because they are all just negative ‘what ifs.’ Starting a relationship…why would anyone constantly bring up the things that might go wrong? Spinel and I can’t see the future, but I’m not planning on any of that to happen. I don’t doubt that Spinel is being honest about her feelings and I’m certainly not planning on leaving Spinel on a whim, I’d like to think my feelings are stronger than that.”

“…B-but you two are so young, do you even really know what it means to devote yourself to someone? Saying you are in love…this could just be a crush or—“

“It’s not just some crush,” Steven insisted, gripping Spinel’s hand gently. “I’d know if it were. …I’ve known Spinel all my life, but I’m not a little kid anymore. Growing up…she’s been my best friend and I think…now that I’m older and understand what it means to love someone…romantically, my feelings for her started to change without me really knowing it.”

“Me too…” Spinel began finally. “…Steven’s always been my friend. It’s true that I...was made to be Pinks best friend and I was sure that meant I was made to be Steven’s friend too, but…this feeling is so big…I can’t be confusing it for something else. …and if I was confusing this feeling…wouldn’t I have been confused with Pink too? It’s not like this feeling happened overnight. In the last year or so…this feeling has just been building and getting stronger. So much so…it almost hurts.”

Steven blushed as Spinel spoke, mostly glad that she hadn’t let Pearls words question her feelings.   
Pearl appeared as if she had more to say, but Garnet stepped in front of her with a calm smile.   
“Pearl isn’t wrong. Because of how different you two are, there is a lot to consider, but that doesn’t mean this is doomed to fail or that your feelings aren’t real. Ultimately, the most important thing is that you two are happy.”

“O-of course we want you two to be happy,” added Pearl with a nervous smile. She didn’t want them to think she was trying to pry them apart; she was just concerned and honestly a little scared. Though she would prefer this never happened, Pearl didn’t want them to hate her if she was too against it.   
“…I’m just worried about you both…” 

After a little while of Spinel and Steven trying to reassure Pearl that everything would be okay, she seemed to finally concede defeat, at least for now. Still, it was clear that this was going to be an uphill battle with her. Even when the talk was over and Steven said they were going to take a walk, they were lucky Garnet was there to keep Pearl from tagging along. She seemed horribly reluctant to leave them alone together.

Once he and Spinel were outside walking along the sand, he couldn’t help but let out a long sigh. He figured Pearl would be difficult, but the talk was more exhausting than he anticipated.   
“…that…took longer than I thought.” He said finally.

“It would have been really short if it were just Amethyst and Garnet. …Pearl really seems like she doesn’t want us together…” replied Spinel, her pigtails drooping lightly.

“It doesn’t matter,” he added quickly, “like I said, we weren’t asking for permission. No matter what they ended up saying…I was prepared to stand my ground.”

Spinel nodded. Though initially she had been afraid that Pearl would disapprove, when it felt like she was about to, Spinel only felt more determined. “I don’t want Pearl to be upset with me, but...I nearly shattered at the thought of being without you. …so I know for sure that these feelings are real.”

Being forced to recall that incident, Steven felt a pit form in his stomach. She didn’t want to be without him and when he thought she was going to shatter, he couldn’t imagine a life without her either. He was just glad he didn’t have to lose her to realize how he felt about her. After all that happened, he wasn’t about to let a few disapprovals make him miss out on being happy with his best friend. Of course he didn’t know how the future would play out, but he wasn’t planning on making Spinel unhappy. He had the opportunity to make her happier than she had ever been and he wouldn’t let that pass him by.   
“I’m sure Pearl will come around. In the meantime, you and I will be together…and that’s all I need.”

Spinel blushed, unable to hide her joy as her Gem began to glow softly. “…that’s all I need too.”

Steven stopped walking, glad to see Spinel’s sweet smile. He truly loved her smile. Taking her hand, he leaned forward to kiss her lips, but was interrupted when they heard Pearl calling for them frantically from the house. With an irritated sigh, Steven pulled back and looked back at the house. “…I’m going to talk to Pearl about some…boundaries. Let’s head back before she comes after us.” He relented, turning to walk back, already prepared to argue with Pearl about some privacy issues that were already frustrating him.

Spinel laughed softly as she watched him walk off, but before she was able to take a step forward and follow after him, she was distracted by a strange flash of bright light that forced her to cover her eyes for a moment.

“Spinel? Are you coming?” Steven called back, waiting for her just a little up ahead.

Though she felt lightheaded at first, with a quick shake of her head, everything was back to normal. She was sure the sun had just gotten in her eyes and thought nothing more of it as she ran over to join Steven. No matter what obstacles they faced now, none of that would matter so long as she could be with him. Together with him, they could handle anything that came their way, couldn’t they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As of this Chapter, With All My Heart has ended. I’m so grateful for everyone’s support and interest in this story. Thank you all for sticking with Steven and Spinel while they sorted out their feelings.  
The Sequel, “Only You,” will be out tomorrow with its first Chapter and I hope you will all like that story just as much, if not more. J
> 
> Short Summary of Only You:
> 
> It’s been a few months since Spinel and Steven made everything official and Steven is planning a big surprise for his Gem Girlfriend on their anniversary. However, when Steven notices a troubling change in Spinel, he goes to the other Gems for help. What they discover will change their futures and threaten to destroy Steven and Spinel’s relationship forever. What should have been a day to celebrate their love becomes a race against the clock. What’s happened to Spinel? Will Steven be able to help her before everything falls apart?


End file.
